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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): Simple answer to this... "Age doesn't matter as long as two people really love each other and really want to be together"! Simples. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): i guess dealing with a substansial age gap is a matter of taste.. maybe mr crush is scared of being a problem to you because he is too old?
i myself turned 19 a few months ago and i am happily engaged to an amazing man whos 20 years my senior and both he and i agree that it is be worth the trouble that may come later but right now my man simply enjoy that i keep him young. we just feel so great together that it completely compensates for what issues the age gap might bring.
if you really want to take it somewhere with you man just remind him that love is a feeling - not a number ;)
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (20 June 2012):
The rule of thumb is half his age plus seven. (Empirical evidence has revealed this formula to be rather reliable.)
Being 25 puts you in the range, albiet at the bottom. If you both matured at normal rates, it should be fine.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I think we are all losing site of your original question. If your guy thinks the age difference is too much...ask him why he feels this way when you get along so well. There may be a good reason behind it and there may not. So, you may or may not hear what you want to hear. Should you tell him about your friend? Sure, why not? I mean, there are a lot of people out there who tell you what they want and don't want and are very upfront about that. He may be upfront, but may also like to mess around with you. If he knows you'll do it, he'll keep calling you until you stop. In that sense, you're ok to have sex with and "date" until he finds someone he really wants to settle down with. I don't know what he thinks so you should ask him. I don't think a long analyzation of having sex or not having sex is necessary here. You're a big girl and do what you want. If you have questions or don't understand someone's view on something, you must ask them about it. But don't be surprised if you don't get the answer you want to hear.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Sweetie,
The mere FACT that you were willing to go to a BEDROOM with him is the issue. NOT that you JUST made out…
As for WHY do guys do that? Girls do to… sleezy behavior and judgments are not just for men…. I’ve had sex on the first date with guys… one of them I married…
IF you got dumped for not sleeping with someone on the first date then they were only after ONE thing anyway…
IT may make him a hypocrite.. but do you want a guy that’s so sleezy that he’s willing to sleep with anyone who spreads their legs for him on a first date?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo doesn't that also make the man a hypocrite?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy do guys do that? So it's now my fault? Can't win at all. Years ago I actually got dumped once for NOT sleeping on the first date. What's the deal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe just made out nothing more.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2012):
OP it may very well be an excuse as he got you home and in his bed on the first date… NOT cool and now he has to back pedal and come up with a reason why he does not want to be serious with a girl who is willing to go to a man’s bedroom on the first date…. This may have been his nice way of saying “your too easy” without saying it.
I'd tread lightly in trying to figure it out as he may be trying to not hurt your feelings.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Yes,it could be an excuse. But if you think that- i.e. that he is a liar and he has basically used you for some nsa fun- why do you want to bother changing his mind about your age gap ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStill sounds like the lamest excuse ever.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 June 2012):
... So ? obviously at 25 you are old enough to be sexually attractive to him. But as a steady gf he may want someone older.
Too bad you did not bother to find that out BEFORE following him to his bedroom on your first date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHowever he didn't mind inviting me to his bedroom and making out with me
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): I think he's being a bit over sensitive, maybe because there's an element of insecurity in that he doubts a 25 year old would stick around for long.
A ten year age gap at your age is fine, you're past the age where it would be seen as pervy or creepy for a man of 35 to date you. You're not a teenager any more but an adult, so there probably isn't much weight in the usual "you're both at different stages of life" argument against the relationship.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 June 2012):
I think it would be pointless telling him about your friend, what that would prove ? that for your friend and her bf age gap is not important- while instead for your crush is.
I'd do as SVC says, I'd try to find out more, WHY is it important, what is exactly that bothers him in your age. I mean, per se a ten year difference is not absurd, particularly at your stages in life ( of course it would be different if you were 17 and 27 ). So maybe there's something else, like, maybe he is looking for a woman who's more financially and professionally settled ? maybe he's afraid that you haven't sown your wild oats yet so you would not stay faithful ? ( yeah, some guys are paranoid like that :) maybe , regardless of your common interests, he has found something in you, your way of talking thinking dressing etc.etc. that to him spells " still a bit immature " ?....
If you find out more precisely what is it that makes him wary , then you can argue against it and plead your case, if you wish.
But just telling " my friend does it ", I am afraid is not going to cut any ice.
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reader, missmatador  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Dear anon,
It's unfortunate that he sees the age gap as something that can't be overcome.
It is not ideal but if he is not prepared to be with a younger woman regardless of how well you got on or how successful the date.
I don't think mentioning your friend will change much. I think, if you are going to present a case, you should make it more personal to yourselves.
Maybe say that it hadn't crossed your mind that it would be an issue and that, maybe, you could get to know eachother a little better before writing off a connection because of age.
Failing that, I would simply write it up as another experiance to learn from and move on.
Good luck,
Miss Matador.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2012):
I'm sorry he feels that way.
Age gaps can work. I know. My fiance is 13 years younger than I am. Of course we did not meet till he was 37....
I would not tell your crush about your friend but I would ask him why he feels that the age gap is a problem. He may have valid reasons for it and you would be able to address them or you may find out that you agree with why he feels the way he feels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): Unfortunately there is nothing you can do or say to change how he feels, and it would only cause problems in the relationship if he gave in and went out with you knowing how he feels. I don't say this to upset you, but I know from personal experience that I had a certain age over which I would not be comfortable dating someone, but when my current man who did exceed that age difference came along, I wanted to be with him so much, that the age gap didn't bother me anymore, and it still doesn't, because I want to be with him. I am sorry to say that this just won't work out because he has made his mind up that the age gap matters to him. Good Luck.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Age gaps like that really only work when neither person cares about it. If he's uncomfortable with it, it would only strain your relationship right from the beginning. There's no reason to tell him about your friend as your crush has already made up his mind unfortunately.
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reader, katiekate +, writes (17 June 2012):
 It's probably not the age difference that bothers him. He is probably at a different point in his life than you are, and maybe your priorities are different. It's also possible that he's just not into you and used the age difference as an excuse to let you down easy.
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reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
If he thinks he is too old for you, I would want to ask him why he went on a date with you in the first place. Age doesn't matter except in cases where one person is a minor and the other an adult. The second question I would ask is if he is just using age as a polite reason why he doesn't want to go out with you anymore. If he doesn't want to go out, he should just say so. He shouldn't use a lame excuse like age. Or, if he thinks because of your age you don't have much in common, then he should say that.
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