A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my ex were dating for about 7 months and we broke. we stopped tallking to each other for about a month and then started to talk and see each other again. People told me that him and my bestfriend of 18 years were messing around but she told me that they were lies and not to believe them. One day i was at my ex house and he told me that they did have sex three times and that i was in the house two of the time, my best friend told me that they were in the kitchen talking about me but really they were having sex. idk which one i should be mad at him, her or both of them. i mean we werent dating but my best friend knew that we were talking againg and that I i still had strong feelings for him and wanted to get back together... HELP
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missmatador  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Dear Anon,It it horrible to have these feelings of betrayal and discontent around you. After finding out that your ex and your best friend have been fooling around behind your back, you might find it difficult to shift the feelings of resentment of them both. Not to mention your confidence taking a massive knock. It is important to remember that your ex is your ex and is a past boyfriend for a reason, no matter what you still feel for him. Your friend should have been up front about her feelings and actions towards your ex as I doubt they were intentional to hurt you. By keeping it secret she was avoiding hurting you.But Gentlemen who come between friends are not worth your time. A relationship should blossom without anyone being hurt in the process and your ex has deliberatley manipulated both of you so as to have his cake and eat it too.He didn't want to be completely finished with you, but he didn't want to be bored.I would tell him to get lost and wait for your feelings to cool towards your best friend until you decide if you are comfortable with forgiving her.I hope you can grow stronger from this.Miss Matador
A
female
reader, akanet  +, writes (5 June 2012):
Basically, he is not your boyfriend anymore, so you can't exactly have much of a say. But the disagreeable thing about this is that your best friend lied to you about sleeping with him, which I find to be wrong. She may claim "I didn't want to hurt you." but in the end she should have known whether she lied or not she would have hurt you. Maybe she has liked him from the beginning too or just wants to sleep with him. As for staying friends, there is no problem with both options, just getting a reason why would suffice before moving on to other friendships.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Keep them both out of your life. A best friend wouldn't do that to you, ever. And if he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have done it. But if he didn't want to, he still should've been sensitive enough to say I don't want to hurt her by doing this, so I'm not sleeping with her. Leave them both alone. Friends come and go.
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