A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is quite a long message I know but I’m incredibly unhappy and could really use some good advice.So basically, I started university about a year ago and met this girl in my flat that I really liked but had a boyfriend of two years at home that she was really crazy about and never shut up about him. We were really close friends for a while until a week before the end of the first semester we kissed (among other things) and were basically a couple for the week. She wasn’t sure about what she was going to do about the situation but looking back on what she said to me and others at the time it’s fairly clear she wanted to be with me.SO, she went home for the holidays and saw the guy. She told him about me (and she only told him we kissed) but only after they had sex. He was really upset and she felt really guilty. So they had a bit of vodka and soon after she gave him a blowjob. He would later tell her on facebook chat how kinky and exciting she had been. She said that she had felt horrible seeing his reaction and had wanted to be with him when she did that but then almost immediately after she VERY softly tried to break up with him by saying how hard long distance had been and how she couldn’t trust herself not to hurt him. They arranged to meet up for one last time to say goodbye. He said he might want to have sex one last time and she said she did too (again found this out on facebook). She was blind drunk when they had sex the last time but I think it would have happened anyway.She spent all of this time telling me about everything but the sex. She wanted us to be together. I had messaged her at the start of the holiday asking her not to have sex with him. She said she wouldn’t but it had already happened the first time.When we arrived back at university she told me about the first time (saying it was the only time). I would later discover about the next two only upon reading her facebook messages (I know, I know). For nearly six months we have been together, spent almost all our time together night and day, but I have never been able to let go of what happened. We have had so many dramas about it and I NEVER stop thinking about it. It’s horrible. The fact that she could lie to me and that she could do it anyway breaks my heart and I’m constantly thinking about all the gory details (I asked too much). I know he was her boyfriend but she was leaving him for me because she really liked me. I also heard her say to a friend that she wished to have had time between me and her ex to ‘be a slut’. She is also a drama student and may be asked to kiss people in plays which drives me crazy but she’s upset that saying no could harm her prospects. Also her sport at uni involves the male and female teams going back on the bus when the males are naked, the girls in their underwear and everyone blind drunk. She hasn’t had a chance to do this since we’ve been together but she did It when she was with her ex. She is a lovely girl and I’m mad about her but this stuff makes me feel terrible and almost a little insane. She does love me and has said sorry but I’m constantly thinking about her in a way I don’t like. PLEASE HELP!
View related questions:
blow-job, drunk, facebook, her ex, long distance, underwear, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): All I want to say about this situation is don't pursue a fantasy of having this girl all to yourself, because its not going to happen. You over heard her telling a friend "she wishes she had time to go between you and her boyfriend to be a slut", a slut in my book is a person that isn't too fussy about using multiple guys for sex where convenient, and she seems to fit this bill. Why you are surprised that she doesn't consider your feelings I will never know, she didn't considered her boyfriends (or ex) while you two were caught in the heat of the moment, and to be fair neither did you. If you play with fire sooner or later you're bound to get burnt. I think after witnessing all the drama she's caused, I would run a mile in the opposite direction and leave her to it.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 This is messy. Honestly, if you have any brains at all that are above the waistline, you would leave her and move on.
Here's why:
1. You started your relationship with zero trust. She cheated on her boyfriend with you. You are dating a known and unapologetic cheater.
2. She isn't recovering from her relationship with her ex, and uses blowjobs and sex like they are meaningless. This also is evident in her desire to "be a slut" when describing a single life.
3. Even if she were completely honorable, and cheating wasn't involved, you wouldn't be able to handle her career choices. Yes, acting involves kissing, and anyone who would be bothered by scripted kissing should never date a drama student.
4. She is plain not good news. She cheats, lies, there is no trust in your relationship, and you're much too high strung to handle this level of toxicity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): Sorry man but there is literally nothing that will make this better.
Dude you cheated on her boyfriend with her and then she went and had sex with him. How are you supposed to resolve that? She's a cheat, who also admitted she wants to "slut around", not only that but she's also a liar.
How are you supposed to fix that?
How are you not supposed to go insane with a girl you cannot trust for a second. She can meet up with him or any other guy and get carried away with them.
I wouldn't tolerate your situation at all. I'd walk away.
Firstly you knew she had a long term boyfriend so in that sense dude you kind of deserve what's happening. In the same sense you have no right being pissed or making apologise for boning her then boyfriend, you were the one cheating with her, what did you expect?
She's not a one woman guy, not at all. She will take any attention from any guy that comes her way because she's a girl who wants all the benefits of being single and the benefits of being in a relationship.
Two years it took her for the other that you know of, she will do the same to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Dear Anon,Let us be completely honest about this: She is being completely forthright about how she feels about you but, also, is being completely up front about who and what she wants to be right now.It sounds as though, even if you consider her a nice girl, you are far too close to the situation to understand that she is 100% abusing your feelings for her to have her cake and eat it too.She is going through a very big change at the moment: Moving to uni, moving on with her life, moving on with her LOVE life. And it seems as though she wants the freedom of the single life but with the security of being in a relationship.It sounds as though you KNOW you deserve better. So maybe you should run with that and let her have the freedom she seems to be craving. Allow yourself to be happy.There are other girls out there who will be just as beautiful, sexy and funny...that won't abuse your feelings the way she is.Remember that uni is a big place with many oppertunities to play and sociallize. Don't settle for the first girl you met just because she provides a little bit of "Home away from home" comfort! You deserve better than what she is giving you.And if you can't think of it in a selfish way...then think about what could happen in the future. If she did it to her boyfriend of 2 years...then she could just as easily do it to you. In fact, it sounds like she is warning you that that is EXACTLY what she is expecting herself to do AND that she has come to terms with it.Good luck,Miss Matador
...............................
|
