| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: How do I break into a group at college? Theres a group of girls and guys who became very close during freshman year because they lived on the same hall. I didn't have so much luck with the friendship department because I lived on a floor full of extremely studious folks who don't seem to want to socialize with anyone other than their books. It seemed as though everyone was only bonding with people on their floor. I do have a few close friends I met through clubs, but then I noticed this group. We have so many similar interests and they're the perfect combination of fun and studious like me. I really want to become better friends with a few of them, but every time I try to make conversation, they shut me out only wanting to be friends with the people from their freshman year hall. I know they'd like me if they got to know me. I just really need some tips. Any ideas? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missmatador  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Dear Angelinpink61,
College is full of experiances and one of them is the ability to stretch those wings and be a social butterfly.
It sounds to me like you are weighing up your friendships against others that you aren't involved in. I don't think you realise how those "close friends you met in clubs" are something important. That big clique you are desperate to be part of will be missing that closeness.
Try not to look a gift horse in the mouth and be happy that you have a close connection with a couple of people rather than a mediocre connection with a large group of folk.
Once you become content in the relationships you already have with people, you will become more desireable as a friend and less like a desperate stalker.
It is difficult not to be blunt in this situation but I feel you are completely disregarding the joy that your other friends give you out of the goodness of their heart.It's time to get out of the high school mentality where popularity is based on the size of your group rather than the experiances you share.
By the end of college, the ones you share the most intimate moments with will be the ones who you will know forever!
Warm thoughts to you,
Miss Matador
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Rather than trying to break into the whole group at once you need to try to become friends with individuals. You can't count a group as a friend. As a group, they will likely be hostile to you trying to barge into their tight-knit circle. But as individuals, they are just people at college like you who want to meet new people. When they're not together, strike up conversations with individuals, one at a time and get them to like you that way. I don't mean to sound cliquey, but you essentially have to be brought in by someone to become a part of any existing group.
...............................
|
