A
female
age
41-50,
*atsby
writes:I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We left with him saying he didn't know what to do and that he liked me but it was all too heavy. The next morning I asked if he could let me know when he was in so I could collect my things. He didn't reply and then today (Sunday) he came round and dropped my things off with my housemate. I have since text him saying thanks and said that I was disappointed we didn't see speak. I'm really pissed off that he has such little respect for me to even speak with me or reply to my email/text, or to even tell me that it really is over. I want him back right now, but I am hating him too. I am close to bunny boiler territory - I want to ask someone he knows what the f is going on and does he do this often.He said something about his ex last Wednesday - she has nothing to do with me and they split up over a year ago. How do I get him back - I know he likes me
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Dear Gatsby,
I can say I’m the queen but that does not make it so. It’s so easy for folks to SAY anything. What we need to look at is what they DO….
You say you are struggling… after 4 months you want to get back together with a man that so disrespects you and cares so little about you that he can’t be man enough to break up with you face to face…. CindyCares is right… he KNEW what he wanted and he was just too chicken to say it to you face.
Don’t demean yourself by chasing after him. Hold your head high and let it go.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Dear OP,
don't be so naive and don't take his words so literally. People communicate in codes and symbols and rhetoric figures, even normally in life, not only in love matters.
Specifically, " I don't know what to do " means : " I KNOW what to do, and it's not something that includes you ". If he wanted to be with you, ... he'd be with you, it's that simple. You don't mention anything like wives and kids and LDRs and illnesses, etc.etc.- no objective major roadblocks. So , if he ditched you, trust us, he does not like you the half that you believe he does.
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A
female
reader, Gatsby +, writes (25 June 2012):
Gatsby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said he liked me but it was all too much ad that he didn't know what to do. I then emailed him the next day and asked when I could pop over to collect my things. My housemate said he looked pants when he came round. I completely get what you guys are saying but I'm struggling. Thank you all for responding- I'm just finding this ridiculously difficult. In answer to the question about moving in- I didn't, I just changed over his one evening and left my clothes there.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Hya
What makes you think he likes you? The fact he dumped you and dropped your stuff off?
He has finished the relationship because, for him, its run its course,its over and by the sounds of it hes moved on.
Please DO NOT feed his ego by trying to get back with him.Do whatever you need to do in private or with friends,have some dignity.No stalking allowed! xx
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 June 2012):
 I have to say I agree with both Caring Guy and so Very Confused.
Not only does he neither like nor respect you, but i wonder why you moved in with him after only four months of dating - or was it sooner even than that?
Better to get to know one another more before taking such a big step. If you hadn't rushed it so much, maybe you wouldn't be having all this misery now. Don't even think about trying to get him back. Its not worth it and it won't have any good result.
Take it as a learning experience for the next man you meet....
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A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Dear Gatsby,It's horrible when you don't get real closure when it comes to someone you opened your heart to. Although he had shown interest, he shared time with you and you were close...he obviously wasn't as heavily invested in this relationship as you were.I think his answer to if "it's over" has been made quite clear by him coming over and dropping your things of.You're right in saying that he has no respect for you. But, if you can imagine it, he has even less for himself. He took the cowards way out and left you without an explination.And, if he was talking about an ex girlfriend to you, it's likely that you don't really need to hear anything else.You don't deserve to lower yourself to bunny boiler territory. Keep yourself busy and have a good old bitch to your friends and, soon, you will realize that you were better than him all along.Don't get bogged down in the details. There isn't enough room for you both in the muck he wants to wallow in!Much love,Miss Matador
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 June 2012):
I have to agree with Caring Guy.
He told you he didn't know what to do but by dropping off your things and not having any contact with you he shows you he made his choice.
He also showed you what a classless act he is.
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): Why do you want someone back who is treating you like crap?
I know your emotions are running high at the moment but seriously you need to gain some self respect, if someone WANTS to be with YOU they WILL do anything to BE WITH YOU...
I'm harsh, I know, but having been there, I wish someone had said it to be VERY LOUDLY...and I had listened!!!!!!!!(sigh).
If he wants to TRY MAKE things work he would...Actions speak louder (n all that crap you don't want to hear right now, sorry) x
p.s. caring guy is right... (But I never listened to him either when he was right about my situation, till I figured it out myself! lol, I'm trying to stop you doing as I did, sorry x)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 June 2012):
But he doesn't like you. Hate to break it to you, but this man effectively ditched you at a restaurant, dropped your things off so you didn't have to go to his, never responded to you again, and he also mentioned his ex.
Sorry to say this, but it seems like maybe another woman or his ex is on the scene, and it seems like whatever you two had is gone. You've got to let go now, otherwise you'll wind up being the bunny boiler and wondering why you've got a court order slapped on you.
He hasn't had a shred of respect for you, he doesn't deserve you, please find someone else.
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