A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm dating a guy that I really like for 2 months , he's kind , nice and respect me , he never forced anything and never asked or said straight that he wants to sleep with me ...He is 26 and I am 27 , he used to be married , I'm still virgin for some reasons but not because I want to married virgin or something like that , When I was younger I used to be very shy and later I get busy and didn't had a chance to meet someone really nice .I just haven't date too much and felt enough comfortable to do sex with the guys I was with.But now I fell that I am ready ,and probably it's gonna happen soon My date didn't ask me to sleep with him , but he said that he wants to go down on me ,wich I think will not stay only in that right ?So I want enjoy the moment , and I m kind of embarrassing to tell him that I don't have experience in sex .Then my question is , it is a good idea just tell him just right before we start to kissing , touching and having sex ? Something like , I need you to go slow because I don't have experience ?Or should I tell him some days before ?I'm thinking about tell him just at the moment right before we starts to make out .
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (28 September 2012):
He definitely needs to know you are a virgin.
I'm sure it's embarrassing and a little frightening but for both of you it's best to mention it beforehand - in the daylight, with all your clothes on. He may already suspect you are a virgin. It might be easier for you if you don't actually "tell" him, but put it in writing - even print out a copy of this thread and give it to him or leave it where he (and ONLY he!) will find it.
Being a virgin in your 20's is a good thing - it shows you value your sexuality. He needs to understand and respect that. Sex is emotional and mental as well as physical. Most people, both men and women, will admit that their first-time sexual intercourse was not great from a physical perspective. (Mine was lousy sex.) Many of us will say that the emotional and mental parts of the first time were a MUCH larger part of the experience than we expected. (The emotional intensity as my wife and I took each other's virginity left me in tears.)
Although 2 months is still a little early, I hope the two of you are at least considering each other as possible "life partners". Sex - ESPECIALLY first time sex - is better if there is mutual commitment and feelings for each other. If he truly cares for you, just making love with you and knowing you have chosen to give him your virginity will make up for all of your inexperience.
When you tell him you may want to mention any ideas you have had about what your first time will be like. Perhaps you want to set a date, time, and place for it to happen. (For about 6 months in advance, my wife and I knew it would happen a few hours after our wedding.) Perhaps you want him to know that you have chosen him to be your first, but he must wait until you definitely tell him to do it. Or perhaps you will let him know that your mind and heart are ready, and he has permission to do it whenever he thinks your body is ready.
I suggest that you spend a while - anywhere from several days, to a few weeks or even months, getting acquainted with each other's bodies and orgasm response cycle WITHOUT penetrative intercourse. I think that you can learn a LOT from non-coital lovemaking (necking, petting, making out, bundling, outercourse, or whatever you want to call it). In the long run all of this "practice time" will make you a better sex partner.
Allowing him to go down on you, and bringing you to climax, is a good way to prepare your body for intercourse. In the moments after orgasm you will be as relaxed, open, and lubricated as you'll ever be. And, don't lay there and let him "put it in" - instead, if possible, you should get on top and envelope his erection with your vagina. YOU can tell when things are in the right place, right angle, etc - but there's no way he can really know what you're feeling.
Also consider taking the steps necessary so you two can enjoy each other with natural, naked, genitals. "Contraception" and "STD's" are VERY REAL problems, and you must consider them before you have sex. But "condoms" is not the only answer, and if either (or both)of you are virgins I don't think it's the best answer.
First-time sex is a common question on this forum. One recent thread (with lots of advice) is "Is there a way to break my hymen without pain?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-there-a-way-to-break-my-hymen.html You can search for other posts tagged "virginity".
An internet search engine will help you find about a jillion sites giving advice for a virgin's first experience - such as http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/ or http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm
A
female
reader, missmatador  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Dear Anon,Having sex for the first time, no matter how old you are, is daunting. And the older you get, the more intimidating the whole thing becomes...and really that's because of what YOU think is expected of you. But, in truth, if there is love and respect in your relationship then it doesn't matter a hoot if you're a virgin or not.I think telling him right before you're planning to get down to it might be a little over whelming for him and you. So I think it might be worth while waiting for a conversation to turn towards the sexual side and then having an honest chat with him without you having to, afterwards, "go through with it". Saying it right before might not give him time to put your mind at rest and it might not give him time to relax.There is pressure on both sides: For you to "compete" with his expectations and for him to make your first time something special and considerate. Take it easy and don't put too much pressure on yourself. We were all there once upon and time but, as someone a little bit older than others, you have the chance to make it special with someone.Good luckRegardsPippa
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