A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I being too sensitive?I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months, we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we have told each other we love each other and that we won't see other people. My problem is that he never seems to make the effort with me and I'm not sure we both want the same things out of a relationship. I'd like to see him twice/three times a week and have him stay over at least one of those nights. He's not really keen on staying over and he doesn't want to guarantee he'll see me that much because he needs time for other things. I work longer hours and have way less free time than him so I think this is ridiculous. He doesn't have any hobbies or commitments and finishes work at 3 so I don't think 2/3 times a week is asking a lot. Also it always seems to be me arranging things with him, he never asks to see me. Also I sometimes want to do things like the cinema but he never wants to go. He even freaked out when I suggested booking some tickets in advance for a film in July.Am I being sensitive or is this guy dodging committing to me? Something just isn't right. I've had a few long term relationships before and never had this problem. I always thought if I guy really likes you he'd make an effort. For the record im not a clingy girlfriend and I don't constantly text/ call and I'm not pushing the commitment issue with him. It's starting to get me down because I feel I'm worth more than to be made to feel desperate for wanting to see the man who's supposed to love me twice a week. There's no romance or wining and dining. What should I do? Do I carry on with him? Do I confront him?Thanks for reading, any honest advice welcome!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 You are right, if a guy is into you he makes the effort. And it doesn’t seem like an effort to him.
IF you are concerned that you are doing all the work in your relationship, stop doing so much and see what happens.
Think of your relationship as a boat on a calm lake…. You are in the front and he’s in the back… you are both supposedly rowing the boat together… but you feel tired… so you stop rowing and all of a sudden the boat is not moving forward. It’s just drifting… because he’s sitting back there NOT ROWING your relationship boat and letting you do all the work. IF you don’t do the work the relationship will just drift along.
I don’t think that seeing the person you are supposedly committed to 2-3 times a week is excessive either…
The fact that he freaked over something in July, also indicates that he’s not in for the long haul, he’s just biding his time with you…. I think it’s time to cut your losses with this one.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 June 2012):
 I do not think seeing you 2-3 times a week is too much. That would be about normal. I agree that if a guy likes you, he will make an effort. He won't try to avoid seeing you, although I have had my fair share of this for some reason. I don't think he is interested or he would be eager to spend time with you. The main reason I say that is because he is no longer putting any effort into the realtionship. I would talk with him and if you don't get satisfactory answers, move on.
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A
female
reader, missmatador +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Dear Anon,It truely sounds like your gut instinct is right on the money. He doesn't want to commit to anything long term or, as it sounds, even short term! I think you should cut your losses and seek out someone who is willing to see further into the relationship than a couple of weeks. You could very easily confront him but he sounds like the type of man who can have his wicked way with you and manipulate you. He actually has you questioning whether or not it's normal to want a genuine relationship with a person. Trust me, it's normal. And trust me, after a few months and telling a girl that he loves her, he should know by now.I feel this is a bit of a door-know request for advice where you ask, advice is given and then you come back with a "Oh...he had a long term girlfriend only days before we started going out." Or something along those lines!You're right in thinking you deserve better. Save your energy and seek out someone who makes the beginning of a relationship as exciting as it should be!Good luck,Miss Matador.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): In my opinion he is not interested in committing to a relationship with you. Maybe he already has a girlfriend and he can't commit to 2 or 3 times a week, and also that would explain why he isn't too keen about spending the night. Also it may be that he simply thinks it's too soon to be committing like this, and wants to take it slow. I would talk to him about how your feeling, letting him know what you want, if he can't or won't give it to you then move on.
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