A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a complicated relationship for some time now. I have a question that I'd like to get answers for.It was a long distance relationship that was bad- I never cheated.My partner went through a rough time- I did not cheat.There was a lot of uncertainty about our future- I did not cheat.I was unhappy in the relationship for a period- I did not cheat.We were on a break- I did not cheat.It's been complicated from a year- I did not cheat. lastly, He cheated- I did not cheat after knowing.Not because I had no opportunity to, but because I never felt like most of the time. In fact I'd be disgusted at the thought. Though there were fleeting moments of a thought of doing so, I repulsed even after the thought.I've seen that people are more experimentative or rather calculative in the sense that they at least see others to compare and find the best possible partner. Where as I emotionally attached myself to this guy. (in the past. I am not in love with him anymore nor with anybody else.)I'm still not able to break off from this guy who I DO NOT love anymore only because the thought of being with another person is scary and I'm not able to open up to it. Is this because he's my first boyfriend? Am I abnormal or obsessed? Is it normal/okay for someone in my position to have cheated in the above mentioned circumstances? I'm questioning because HE did.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missmatador  +, writes (18 August 2016):
 Dear Anon,I'm sorry to hear that you were in a relationship with someone who was unable to remain faithful to you. It sounds as though you are trying to get into his head and justify his cheating possibly as a means to forgive him. Maybe even to forgive yourself for any inadequacy you feel for not being able to prevent him cheating.Though that is all part of moving on, you will find no security in the answer. The answer is "no" and will always be "no". There is never an -excuse- to cheat and that is different from there being a reason. There may be many reasons to cheat but that does not excuse the act itself. This doesn't mean you are obsessed or abnormal, it is all part of coming to terms with the loss of someone significant in your life and it will be long and arduous and possibly awkward as he was your first love. All hope is not lost, however. Eventually you will invest more time in yourself and move on. Try to shift the obsession onto yourself and who you are and the things you like. All my love,MM
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 August 2016):
You have done nothing wrong, so why are you being hard on yourself as if you cheated???
The long distance from him was a good thing. You could have been together and he could have cheated on you the same way...which do you think would hurt more?
The only thing you are doing wrong, is hanging on to someone you do not love, and who has no love for you.
So yes...You want to feel that you have a boyfriend, because it was your first heart felt feeling for a man. Fact is... most first time relationships do not last. Not because people don't want them to last, but because of inexperience in dealing with the opposite sex. Dealing with your mind, and emotions is hard enough...Dealing with someone who has a different mind, personality, and emotions than yours...very difficult. But with experience we learn to accept the things we want in our lives, and get rid of the people who have the qualities we do not want in our lives.
It is good to clean your house...it is even better to clean out the bad things in your life.
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