A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day!For example, I've met 2 nice people who work in stores here. Whenever I go into a store I usually get treated like a plague rat, when I have a very simple request. Like when I go to the makeup counter and asked for foundation and I got, "I can't help you, I have to go home, and no one else can help you because it's not their brand, come back Monday." Yesterday I went to the bookstore and they were counting the drawer, which I understand is necessary, but they didn't even acknowledge that I was there! No greeting. When I politely said, "pardon me," I just got a smart remark about "we have to count our drawers," no apology, nothing (I waited 10 minutes). Practically every time I go to a store with a simple request I get blown off or treated like a pain in the ***. The WORST was when I was at BP (I will NEVER shop there again) and I was so upset. The idiot working there set the pump for $10 and I paid for $20 worth of gas. It only dispensed $10 and when I asked him (politely) to fix it he very rudely told me this bs lie, and said it was my fault because I didn't specify which car was mine. When I complained and protested, he called 911 and I nearly got arrested. I found out who the supervisor was and complained about it, and they called me a "spoiled little c*nt," who was "spending daddy's money." (It was no one's business, and I was NOT spending my daddy's money. That ten dollars was from an hour of hard labor, I worked for it and earned it." So, I wound up getting cheated out of it.When I'm driving and I want to change lanes, I'll have my blinker on and people just blow past me and give me the finger. Ditto for when I want to cross the street. In parking lots people nearly run over me or splash me with mud. My car broke down a few months ago, on the highway. There I was, stranded, it wasn't my fault. Some idiot stops behind me and gets out of his car and comes up to my window and says, "You broke down?" I said yes, "my car just stopped working." I wanted to say, "No, I just decided it would be fun to play tiddly winks on the highway." But, I didn't, because I stupidly thought he might want to help me. Silly me. He just says, "oh," and goes back to his hickmobile. He just came to cuss me out. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just ugly and that's why people treat me so terribly! There's NO excuse to treat someone like ****, but I wonder if that's the reason why most people are rude to me. I've traveled and I've been to places like Texas, Mexico, Spain and people there were all kind and friendly... I wonder if I'm just getting old and ugly, or if people where in North Carolina, where I live now, are just rude, period!I'm a polite person but I do get snarly when people treat me like **** for no reason. I'm struggling to control my temper constantly. It's all I can do not to lose my temper, and I never did feel like standing by and letting people push me around.When I get treated this way, it makes me angry because when people treat me this way I feel like it's an indirect way of saying that I'm not attractive.I'm beginning to feel really angry, because it's unfair and because it seems that people think I'm ugly!Does everyone treat me like this because I'm unnatractive or do I just live in a town where the vast majority of people are rude? Like I said, when I traveled I noticed that when I was there people were MUCH nicer and friendlier and I was really blown away by the welcoming reception I got there. Now I'm back in North Carolina and 99 percent of the people here are obscenely rude to me.What's the catalyst? Am I getting old, and ugly? Or are people just nicer in other areas of the world than they are in North Carolina?I'm feeling angry because NO one should be treated that way, regardless of appearance, but what REALLY bugs me is that I've been told in a non-verbal way that I'm ugly. Would a supermodel constantly experience the same treatment I get? If people are this rude to someone, does it mean the person is unattractive... or are some town just RUDE? What the hell is wrong with people in High Point?I feel like I have a tattoo on my forehead that says, "Please treat me like ****."
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Oh dear... you deserve a lengthy response...
Firstly, mothers are never as good at giving their honest personal opinion as a completely anonymous 3rd party opinion. If a kid asks her mom if he/she is ugly, she's never going to say anything other than what the kid wants to hear. That's just a moms job. Unfortunately the big bad world doesn't work that way.
Now I've worked as a primary teacher, a personal trainer, a service station attendant, a barman and I've also been to Mexico, Texas and Spain. I've met a billion people and I hope to meet a billion more, but if there's one thing I've learned its that people WILL have preconceived judgements of you in the first minute of your interaction... period. People don't like to admit it, people will deny it.... but they do. Love it or hate it, you gotta accept it... its reality.
Now for what you said earlier...
"You didn't come here to help, just to make value judgements"
... People don't post regularly on this site just to put people down, judge them whilst pointing at the screen and laughing maliciously. I personally post in the hope of helping people, failing that, at least provide an honest third party perspective which people can't get from their parents, friends or relatives who are too concerned about their feelings to be completely honest. Do I look fat in this? Am I ugly? etc. etc. are questions that you just can't expect somebody close to you to answer honestly.
Now if you read anything in this post and skip everything else then please read this...
People WILL judge you in the first minute no matter what
and
Always imagine yourself in the other persons shoes
Cliche but absolutely true.
My first job was a service station attendant and honestly, people who expect you to read their minds and remember which car was yours out of the seven white cars scattered around the pumps drove me nuts. Even worse was the people who walked up to the counter, slammed the money on the counter and left without even looking at me or saying a word and then walking off, expecting me to know what they were paying for.
And yeh, if you don't say what you're paying for, there's a damn good chance you're relying on his best guess as to what you were paying for. I know that I pissed a hell of a lot of people off on my first few weeks from paying for the wrong fuel, not knowing what buttons to push to not make the til imbalanced and get fired for being out whilst the til beeped incessantly at me. Not to mention all the people waiting behind one angry customer expecting perfection without knowing that I was earning minimum wage with minimum training and minimum idea what to do when something went wrong.
I'm not trying to be a bastard because honestly its such a harsh lesson to learn... : the fact that the way that you view yourself is not the way that other people will view you. Problem is that you may not think you're being rude... but other people may think you are. If people could read minds then they wouldn't have to go on their almost instant perceptions. Its a safety thing, we're hardwired to think this way... if you see a dodgy looking guy walking behind you on the street at night, its your instant perception/judgement of him that may ultimately save your life.
Hating to talk more about myself, but I got in trouble a year ago when I was told by the boss that I wasn't a good barman and he was cutting my hours slightly. I asked why and he told me that I wasn't happy enough behind the bar. "How do you figure that?" I asked... "Well you don't smile enough and you don't dance enough."
... That sucked.
Here was someone else who was telling ME how I felt... Honestly I was happy as anything behind the bar, but it was because I wasn't showing it on the outside that got me in trouble.
Now if people are going to judge you in some way within the first minute and you can't spill your life story in that minute (which you can't, unfortunately), then you have to work on how you initially treat strangers. Smile more, let down your shield, don't expect perfection, be polite, give them the benefit of the doubt more, have a laugh, be easy going, regardless of whether you ever expect to see them again or not and they WILL respond in a positive way towards you.
If after a minute they are still being rude... well maybe they had a shit day, maybe they just got dumped by their partner, maybe they've just come from a funeral... who knows. But if after maybe two minutes of being polite, friendly, understanding and slow to anger then you can't say that you didn't try and maybe they are just like that all the time so feel free to be a bastard back. But the point is to treat them the way you'd want to be treated... even if you've had a crappy day.
I don't agree that you have a personality disorder or anything... but then again I'm no psychologist or doctor. Having said that though, there are a surprising amount of doctors and psych's who post here... you'd think they'd get their fill of helping people from work, but no, they come here to help people in their spare time so don't be so quick to dismiss their opinions based on whatever you write... cos honestly, that's all they've got to go on to try to help.
As for other countries... I've been all over Europe, Australia, America and honestly, people are basically the same... its the customs that are different. For example, in Brazil its perfectly normal for customers at the bar to run up past everybody who is waiting and wave their money at you... In Australia that is INCREDIBLY rude, but I've learned not to instantly be a bastard back to them and to politely explain to them that its not polite and they'll get served quicker by not doing it... Which is never met with hostility... You really do catch flies better with honey than with vinegar.
Other spots like Mexico, Texas, Spain... essentially its all the same. People are friendly and want to be treated friendly in return... failing that, they want your money :P Though its probably worth asking yourself whether you found them more friendly because you were on holidays, more relaxed, out to have a good time and you reflected that onto them, causing them to treat you better because of your attitude towards them in that first minute.
Anyhoo, probably rambled there a bit but we really are here to help, sometimes what we say isn't always what people want to hear but its generally what people need to hear to solve their problem based on what was written.
And if I wanted to get my fix of being a cruel bastard then I'd go pour salt on the snails than have been munching away on my junk mail... Actually that reminds me...
Best of luck :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): hi, you know....people pass judge,ent whatever the reason, its a preconception. I beleive you need to develop a thicker skin and just let things slide like water off a ducks bottom, rise above it all.I pass judgement based on immediate things i observe about the person, if they have a sulky miserable looking demeanour about them i would not work as hard to be polite, as a customer sales worker drone, i have long low value days infront of snotty customers, with little chance at being happy...its hard to be very genuinely polite to people. From my perspective, i see you as a paris hilton type woman, stuck up and of the beleif that ur better than everyone when you are challenged u whine or moan, my perception of other people chamge depending on my overall impression of them. i play the perception game in london where i work, like are they miserable looking, stuck up looking, do they have an attitude, how do they speak to me. Often times im right about the person from inital perceptions. Hopefully you see what point im trying to make here, its something that just happens, it happens to me. My gf judges me as a nerd, she called me a nerd when she first met me and she was right lol dosent mean i have to like it. I thing u need to come down a peg or two - in the nisest way meant. I also want you to think about your tone of voice and choice of words, tone will be a big factor no matter how nice ur sentence is worded, the tone makes it. Experiment with this x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Oh wait, there was this other time, when another driver tried to pull in front of me at a very long line at a toll booth (I was on my way down to NC) and I was SO annoyed at him. But I looked in the rearview and thought, oh well, this guy doesn't have much choice, either he goes through the lane or he has to back up and cause further problems.
Part of the UK driver training is that you think about how your actions will affect other drivers and I realized that making him wait would just cause further nonsense, so I let him in front of me.
When I got to the toll-booth to pay, it turned out this guy had paid my toll! As a thank you! I was very surprised and actually appreciated his gesture. He didn't have to do it, he was going to ahead of me anyway, but he did. So there's another negative that turned into a positive.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
I love NC. I have wonderful experiences there and enjoy my visits whenever I go. That being said....
I had a flat tire incident in Cincinnati, OH. This guy drove alongside me for a mile or two, waved at me until I realized he was telling me there was a problem. I finally realized I had a flat tire (it was a rental, I was dense), I pulled over and so did he.
He then hopped out, checked to make sure I was okay, got me to open the trunk, changed my tire for me, refused to take any money from me for his help, followed me to the airport exit (which is where I was headed) then drove off, waving merrily. I should add that I was in my late 20s, and very cute (I'm of Caucasian descent, in case you couldn't tell from my cartoony little avatar). He was somewhere between 40-50, a very nice African-American gentleman. I think of him whenever I see anything about Cincinnati.
Another time, I ran out of gas in a midtown neighborhood in Atlanta, GA. Again, my density led to that particular nonsense. I knocked on the door of the house I found myself stranded in front of, and a very handsome young man helped me out, drove me to the gas station, let me use his gas container, and I was fixed up and on my way in very little time. My big regret from that incident is that I didn't get his number and ask him out. Ah well, I suspect he might have played for the other team.
I too have encountered rude or thoughtless help at counters. You know what, it never occurred to me to take it personally. I just got annoyed by their incompetence/cluelessness/thoughtlessness WHATEVER the hellness and either wrote a letter of complaint or let it go.
My experience with people in the service industries is this, they are human just like me, they all have stories just like I do, they are doing their best just like I am. If I get someone on a bad day, that's my misfortune but you know what? I get to walk away. They have to continue living their bad day/week/month/year.
There are bad drivers everywhere! If EVERY driver you encounter is giving you the finger, maybe you should have a friend follow you and see if you are doing anything that could be causing that. I know there are many people who never learned to merge properly on highways from the on-ramps, or who assume that putting on a signal is enough to allow you to suddenly change lanes.
I had to take driver training in my 40s in the UK so I could get a UK drivers license. I thought I was perfectly trained, having driven for 25 years. HA! Was I ever mistaken, to my chagrin. The UK driver training mandates that you LOOK, THEN signal, THEN maneuver. You can't signal until you know you won't cause a problem for anyone else. THAT was a huge eye-opener for me.
I am a big old pollyanna. I assume the best in people, and I actually expect the best from them. I guess I try to exude friendliness and I generally get it back from people. Not always, not in every situation, but most of the time.
I give people random compliments. I mean them when I give them, don't misunderstand, but I just say things out loud that are positive. "You look happy today." "That color suits you." "What a gorgous baby you have."
Energy follows thought. Think positive things and as a rule, positive things will seem to occur.... Think negatively, and lo and behold... you get what you expect....
As for the BP thing, I would have written a formal letter of complaint by email. I have done so for things in the past, I find the VP of marketing, the VP of HR, the VP of investor relations and send 'em all a little note. Nice as could be but very firm about my disapproval of the way things were handled. That generally does the trick. :D
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 On something you are right,some times "you have to have been there " to understand why a certain episode triggers certain reactions , there are not just the words, there are also the non verbal cues, looks, body posture etc.
But,let's tackle it from another angle - let's assume that you do get mistreated more than your fair share, and you wonder if that happens because they think you are ugly...
That opens some interesting questions, like do YOU think you are ugly ? If you do, does this makes your social interactions more difficult,and why ? Do YOU think that unattractive people deserve ,or is destined, to being taken advantage of, and why exactly ? Did you see that happen ?Do you care how the shop girls or the gas station guys see you ,and why ?
How did you come to make this equation , unappealing looks = bad service ?
All food for thought to kill time while you'll be sunbathing in Cozumel or Isla Mujeres :)
I love Mexico too and I can understand your attraction to their culture, but remember- basically human nature is the
same all over the world, for good and for bad, under the
different (and superficial ) veneers of different cultural and social attitudes.
If there is something that makes you unhappy with yourself, some "knot " that you were not able to untie within you, you are gonna bring it with you no matter where you live.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I read a woman describing her ex-husband as the only person she had ever seen that could strut while sitting down.
That also describes my mother.
Is this you?
You didn't come here to help, just to make value judgements, but I can see why you're here. It sounds like you have issues with your mother, and you need a scapegoat, so you project that hostility onto ALL women. I could be wrong... but it sure sounds that way to me.
At any rate, this is the reason I'm leaving the country and why I love Spain and Mexico more. The way women are treated in USA is appalling.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 July 2010):
Q, you just summed up a basic believe of Buddhism :
" The world is a mirror. When you bow to the person in the mirror,the person in the mirror bows at you ".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I don't think I expected anything unreasonable... I didn't expect special treatment, it was the snotty attitude I got at Belk's. People go home when their shift ends... I get that. She didn't have to be rude to me! She was just being hateful to me. She didn't say sorry or anything and she treated me like I wasn't welcome in the store. I don't understand why I didn't get a simple "I'm sorry," or something. Maybe you just have to have been there. My mom was there and she was appalled. My dad has mentioned before how in this area, people are rude to you when you go into a store. I don't think I expected anything unreasonable, just a simple "I'm sorry." She just treated me like I was a pain in the ass and made me feel unwelcome. I had been having a really horrible day, and I just didn't need to be treated that way. Why can't people just be nice?
Cindy, I see you are trying to help, and I appreciate it... I really do. Thank you. I guess maybe the way I worded my question is confusing. What I mean to say is, that I know that people are often extremely rude to me where I live, and I wonder if it's because of my appearance or if people where I live are just rude. I know that sometimes the way a person behaves can elicit hostility but people cussing me out or practically running over me when I try to cross the street... they've never interacted with me, they've just seen me. That's what makes me wonder if they think I'm ugly or something.
Fish, I appreciate your post. I really do... but Greensboro/High Point is just horribly rude! I went to college here (big mistake) and I had a professor (no names) who used to tell me I was stupid and that I didn't deserve to be in college and that it was selfish of me to take up a slot from a deserving student. I'm not stupid but he used to tell me this every day. There's just a lot of hatred in this area, it's creepy, it's like an evil spirit resides here or something.
I'm just not sure why I'm unlucky with customer service.
What made me move? My parents decided to move here when I was in high school. I love my parents but I've never forgiven them for it, and never will. I got a rude introduction to North Carolina, too. I really don't like living here, and every time I travel, getting on the plane to come back to the Triad is so depressing. I think of all the people that get to stay and just feel jealous, wishing I lived somewhere like that.
I can see what you're saying about the class difference. My goal is to be wealthy one day but I'm anything but wealthy now. You're correct, though, for some reason people perceive me as being really well-to-do and that seems to attract hostility. I don't have a rich father; my parents have good jobs but I paid for my college and I work really hard for my money. People often assume I'm some spoiled girl and my father is rich... I'm not sure why.
But while we're on class... I know that money and class are not the same, but I remember my time in Mexico. Sadly, they have a lot of poverty and a big disparity of wealth, although there is a middle class there... there are a lot of really poor people. I mean no offense to anyone from Mexico and I'm sorry if I offend anyone. But, before I went to Mexico a lot of people in the USA gave me really bad advice. A lot of people coached me to expect hostility and said that people in Mexico would be hostile and not to expect to make friends because they would resent me. Lies, all lies. I noticed something down there: The poorest people were the ones that were the most generous with what they had! I met maybe one deranged person in the year I was there but most guys down there will give you the shirt off their backs. I was blown away by the warmth of the people and culture. I'm not putting down ALL Americans but in USA it seems that if people perceive you as better off financially they will just eat you alive. There are a lot of deranged people in North Carolina.
Cindy: I am serious about moving to Mexico. When I got back to the States, I had a REALLY rough time readjusting, and it's been over five years. I've found a way to do it and I feel it's the best decision for me. The other poster is correct... I just don't belong here!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 July 2010):
Personally, I have not judged you nor criticized you. And I believe all those episodes really happened. But
what "happens " is never totally and aseptically neutral- it is always altered and coloured by your own perceptions and expectations , Is the world pink or black ?.. It depends from the colour of the lenses you are seeing it through.
Take the foundation incident ,for instance. Most people would not feel disrespected. You wanted some foundation, unluckily you got there while the salesgirl was going off duty or ending the shift, there was no point asking another salesperson to help you because that was not their brand, - she told you to come back on Monday. Disappointing,yes. Bothersome, a bit. But disrespectful ,why ?
What were your expectations ? Did you want her to work ( unpaid ) overtime for giving you some foundation ? Did you want the store manager change their policy just for you ?
But, suppose that you are really unlucky with customer service, or that North Carolina folks are actually rude - ....basically,what's the big deal. Why does it affect you so much. You may find rude and incompetent people all over the world, occasionally, You try to stay away from them as much as possible, you ignore them, and you go merrily about your business. Life is not all about pumping gas or doing purchases ; there must be other things in your life worthier of your attention. You just put your mind on other things, and don't waste your energy on minor daily life annoyances.
Either that- or moving to Mexico.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 July 2010):
 First, I have lived in North Carolina, although more West than you (near charlotte, visited asheville) and found people on the whole exceptionally polite, but i'm from new york and i was more aware of southern charm-or maybe I just saw what I anticipated to see and imposed my preconceptions on North Carolinians (you might want to think about if you're making judgments too, ie. hickmobile].
Although I think there must be a bad vibe factor going on here, I have additional thoughts. My theory is that there is CLASS-based resentment towards you; i don't know the greensboro area well, but parts of NC are fairly depressed. The whole 'daddy's girl' comment, and people cussing you out based on your car, I'm thinking you're coming off economically better than people around you and they're resentful of it. if you're presenting yourself as high status, either through attitude or physical appearance, they may be singling you out for not belonging. what made you move without seeing it or getting a vibe from the people there? it's probably best that you try to make that string of incidents as an isolated bad day or week or month etc and try not to bring your increasing distrust and/or bitterness towards North Carolinians into your next interactions with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I didn't CALL the guy's car a hickmobile when he was there, that's how I described it in the post. I wasn't rude to him at all! I just told him that my car was broken and I didn't know what happened! I didn't act annoyed or rude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): "I think you are speaking like a person with a severe personality disorder"- agreed. Have you ever been screened for one? I think it would be a good idea. Sounds like you have warped perceptions of being persecuted or conspired against.
Why is everyone telling ME my perceptions are warped when I was there? I didn't just imagine that the guy at BP cheated me out of 20 dollars, I saw it and experienced it. All this stuff really happened to me. I didn't say I was conspired against, just that I experience rudeness every day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I'm disappointed because I feel like I've been judged. No one here is qualified to diagnose a personality disorder and I don't understand why people come here if they don't want to help. Writing this on the internet just to tell someone they're crazy is cruel. It seems like some of these people who answered just want to judge me. This is supposed to be a site where people help people with their problems, not judge them. I'm not crazy and I don't appreciate being judged by a complete stranger.
I think this has been taken completely out of proportion.
Demand the red carpet be rolled out for me? Why, lol? Because I expected to get the gas I paid 20 dollars for? Because I expected to get served at the makeup counter? If someone cheated you out of 20 dollars, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I've never been to North Carolina, infact i've only been to America once, and I thought that the people there were incredibly friendly! So much more than in England where nobody tells me to have a nice day. It was so lovely!
Moving on. Maybe its just perspective! Most people I deal with are polite, yeah you get the occasional grouch but oh well. Anyway recently ive been quite tired, low in some sort of vitamin or something I dunno, anyway I have felt that people have been a bit off with me at times but when I ask my mum, she hasn't noticed at all. So I suspect its just because i'm so exhausted, which makes you more emotional and probaly makes you read into things more :)
Also I dont know much about personality disorders, but you do repete yourself a lot in the original post, so maybe thats something to consider :3
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I honestly think people react to the negative energy/vibes you are sending out. You have some high expectations of other "servicing you" - like they were put on Earth to make your life happy.
I think you need to get over that. Also your social skills, work on them.
Do me a great favor and read up on Karma and Pass it forward. It might help you in the rest of your life.
Some people out there ARE rude, no doubt about it. But they aren't ganging up and out to get you because you are now "old &/or unattractive" (your words not mine). Best way to deal with rude people is "kill" them with kindness. SHOW them how they ought to behave.
And I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, the works doesn't revolve around you. It revolves around the sun.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 July 2010):
I think you are practicing selective attention. You are focusing on, and blowing out of proportion, a few instances in which you have been ill treated ,and conveniently forgetting all the other cases in which you have received decent,good, or excellent assistence.
I lived 10 years in Manhattan where people has a world-wide reputation for being rude, curt and snappy. In fact, it's an urban legend- it's simply not true. I do remember two times in which I had to deal with deranged, Travis Bicker -style cabdrivers, but since in ten years I hailed thousands of cabs, -work out the stats and you'll get what I mean.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I'm the original poster.I wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped me; I'm seeing things in a different light.I'm not saying it's an invalid point, if someone comes off as negative or rude they might get treated rudely, I get it. But, people that don't even know me become hostile to me. For example, whenever I'm trying to cross the street or change lanes... how do these people have any idea what I'm like as a person?When my car was broken down, NOBODY offered help. About ten people stopped to cuss me out, but how did they know whether I'm rude and negative? All they saw was my face. All I did at the cosmetic counter was to say "I'd like to buy some foundation please?" What happened at the gas station was that I was treated like shit, pure and simple. The idiot working there had been extremely hostile to me since I walked in. I wasn't belligerent or spoiling for a fight, I just paid for my gas, and when I didn't get it I politely asked him to fix it. At this point he became extremely hostile and I just sensed this hatred directed toward me. He said in a hateful voice that it was my fault and that he couldn't help me, didn't say sorry or anything. When I started to protest he just ignored me and started helping the next customer. I became angry, but what would anyone else have done? I said something like, "Look, I worked hard for that money. You can't just take my money for free, and I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not leaving without either my money, or my gas." Which is when he said he called 911. How is my behavior irrational? What would anyone else have done? I repeatedly asked him nicely to fix it (he screwed up) and he became hateful to me. Is there any excuse for that treatment? I have this effect on people a lot. If I just have a horrible personality then why is it that everyone in Mexico/Texas/Spain was friendly to me?I don't approach customer service people with an attitude... but almost every time I go into a store I get treated like a plague rat. For example, all I said was, "I'd like to buy some foundation..." and they become hateful to me.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 July 2010):
Well it's hard to know without knowing you. Surely it has nothing to do with your apppearance as far as being "pretty" or "ugly." I worked in customer service for many years, and it didn't matter how the person looked--if an ugly person or pretty person approached me with an attitude like I'm a piece of crap and it's my job to bow down and serve them--I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to be very nice to them.
Honestly, it sounds like some of these people lack tact and I think that maybe some of it you may think it's a different way than it is. Like the makeup counter thing--regardless, she shouldn't have said that she's leaving and no one can help you and come back some other day. Same when they were counting their till at the bookstore. At least a "I'll help you as soon as I'm finished" would at least be appropriate.
Are you sure the guy that pulled over the side of the road wanted to just cuss you out and not help you? Perhaps you were annoyed and it showed even if you didn't mean to and he just said "forget it" and decided to not help you. It would just seem odd that someone would stop to just ask if you're broken down and just leave because they're angry you're broken down.
I work with this girl--and everyone says she's a bitch. Just about no one likes her. However, I talk to her sometimes and I don't think she intentionally tries to be one. I think that sometimes she winds up putting her foot in her mouth and doesn't interact well socially with others. In her mind, she probably thinks she's being polite--but she ends up usually sounding really abrasive or rude to a lot of people. I honestly don't think she's trying to be that way--but that's the way she comes off.
I'm not trying to say that you're wrong, but perhaps you don't notice things that others do. You're not intentionally trying to come off a certain way that displeases others, but you still do somehow. How is it that it's everyone else, but not you? Maybe you should ask a friend or family member what they think--someone that will be honest and tell you that you're either pleasant most of the time or try to be, or that sometimes you just come off misunderstood. Or ask anyone you know in the town if people are commonly rude or if you're getting the wrong vibe. Perhaps you're extra sensitive and take things the wrong way? It could be a lot of things, but don't let it make you insecure about yourself. I'm sure you'll figure it out, or you can always move.
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reader, Jmtmj +, writes (25 July 2010):
I don't know why you think this could be about your looks... but if I shoot from the hip I'd have to say that you complain... ALOT... and secondly, I don't entirely believe that you might not be coming across as rude to other people in the first place... people don't call the cops on people who are calm, polite and rationale.
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reader, dwmusic  +, writes (25 July 2010):
If you're friendly wthout being overly flambouyant, and show a polite interest in other people and their lives, they're highly unlikely to be rude, but having said that, I never lived in your state and don't know the customs there. There may be something about your manner and attitude that is, however unintentionally or unconsciously, provoking unwanted responses from strangers. If you have a close friend, you could discuss with them. Looking people directly in the eye while you're talking to them, without being confronting, can help make a connection. A firm handshake and using their name in conversation also gives you more control over the situation.
There are also people you'll come across who can appear surly and taciturn at first, but who have hearts of gold underneath and could end up being be your friend for life after you've gotten through their reserve. I've met a few such people, so I am speaking from experience.
By and large, people do have a good radar for insincerity, so make sure you mean what you say, and always try to look for the best in others. You might find them doing this right back at you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): From my point of view it doesn't sound as though anyone has been particularly rude to you any more than any one else. Some people are rude and rude things happen to everyone sometimes. I was wondering, are you one of those people who walk around all day thinking life is peachy and are just super nice all the time? Well, niether is anyone else. Just a bit more of advice, don't move to New York.
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reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Why did you almost get arrested ... you should have stood your ground... if they charged you $20 and you only got $10 worth of gas screw that... you should have explained to the cop honestly if where you i would get a lawyer and sue.... your 26-29 age range if thats correct your far from old lol... Its not right to judge but there are ugly people in the world... but i dont think people treat them rude... for one if im dealing with an ugly person im nicer so i can get them out of my face faster... plus i feel sorry for them so im usualy nicer... what i cant stand is bad teeth and breath or being dirty im rude to people like that sometimes because thats nasty and lazy how hard is it to brush your teeth even once a day... unless i can tell they have some sort of mental condition... I guess you need to start demanding respect... i guy honked at me i was at a green light but an old lady was crossing in front of me the guy kept honking... i got out the car went to the trunk then went and had a chat with him... honking your horn at someone is like saying your not important get out my way... there are rude people out there there only rude to people that let them get away with it.. stick up for your self starting with suing that gas station
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reader, Myrrh +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I think sometimes when you travel abroad and experience other cultures then go home again to your own, you see it with fresh eyes. Thats what youve done and you dont like what you see. Its got nothing to do with your looks. Its peoples lack of basic manners. And it sounds as if you have a few of those where you live.
Try and find an outlet for the anger you are feeling. Even if its only writting a letter about manners to your local newspaper. It will make you feel better and a piece about manners in the newspaper might remind some locals to use theirs! Or start a blog and tell how you find the locals manners dismal. Again, bringing it to their attention might make them think. Keep it annon though or you might find yourself a target for every bad mannered person in the area!
Also it may be very subtle but if you go out expecting people to be rude, you could come across as slightly confrontational. People will pick up on that vibe and often act accordingly. So leave the house with a smile, be cordial and expect good manners from others. Pay attention to the people that ARE polite and friendly and disregard those that are impolite or ignorant.
The way people interact with you has nothing to do with you or your looks. Some are raised well and brought up with good manners. Some are dragged up by the scruff of the neck and will always be ignorant because they know no better. The way they behave is not a reflection on you. Its a sad reflection on the way they were raised. Feel sorry for them by all means but dont let them upset you! All the best x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): did you ever think that maybe the way you present yourself or act affects it? if you come off as bitter and complainant, people are going to treat you rudely because you come off as rude.
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reader, girlygirl601 +, writes (25 July 2010):
It may be a culture thing, I was raised in the deep south and its different when I go to other states. Honestly, I have a very strong personality and if I find that I'm having a difficult time with social interactions, I look at the things that I may have done to spark it. Not saying that its all your fault, just speaking from experience. :-)
If you honestly aren't doing anything to warrant the treatment, then don't sweat it. After awhile, it won't bother u as much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I'm not sure why people treat you this way as i've never met you, but its possible that people could be rude to you base on your physical appearance ad thats wrong. unforunately we live in a very vain society.I sorry this is happening to you. the only advice I can give you is to keep standing up for your self. you can't change the way you look and shouldn't have to in order to make them happy. keep your head up and the next time this happens to you, confront the person by asking them calmly and directly why they are treating you this way and if its because they consider you unattractive.
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reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 perhaps its just the culture in that state, I wouldn't know because I've never been there, but it sounds that way.
I really don't think its your appearance. At all.
Perhaps you can pay attention to see if other people around are rude to others and not just you. If you do find its just you, then I dunno.
However...I REALLY don't think it has anything to do with how you look. Basic manners state that you should be nice to everyone, especially customers if you're working somewhere. Because of all the rudeness you've gotten,I really think that it must be a culture thing.
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