A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my bf 5 months now and I know that isnt too long but I really feel strongly about him and things have been pretty perfect until very recently.He was staying over with me the other night when his friend called him up at 450am so he got up to answer it. As I was awake I got up too and hear him saying "yes I cant wait to see you too, its been far too long. I love you too" to her! I was absolutely gutted hearing him talk to her the same way he has to me all this time.I confronted him about it and he says they're just friends and i've nothing to worry about and that she often calls him up when she is drunk and upset. My problem is I, now, cannot stop worrying about their relationship and feeling so jealous. He is going to stay with her soon too just them two. I dont know if i am being over the top here. Im just so hurt and jealous and am finding it hard not to worry about it. Am I being jealous over nothing? Im scared im going to ruin what we have ( which has been wonderfull up until now).
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drunk, I love you, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (27 July 2010):
 OMG there are some serious over reactions here..
Firstly i have MOSTLY male friends i tell them i love them maybe not in a i love you i love too kind of was but deffo in an oh love you man kinda way.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who i wouldn't dream of cheating on. Also i tell my best female mate i love her all the time in exactly the same way and context you describe here. Best thing to do is ask him, surly if they have been friends for years then something would have happened if it was going too. Chill
A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (27 July 2010):
I don't believe they are just friends. Regardless if she is drunk, he should not be saying "I can't wait to see you too, love you too". I think he has a thing for her somehow, or they have some kind of interest in eachother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I have several female close friends who I would be there for at any hour if they needed me. My best friend is female. There has never been anything sexual between us, it's a brother/sister type thing (we're both only children). We tell each other "I love you" because we do. It's not the same as the "I love you" I say to my partner or she to hers. Male-female friendships can work.
I agree with q1605, this does sound genuine. Playing along with a drunk friend is often the easiest option. Ask your bf in a sensible way about it, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): This happened/is happening to me!
I have been seeing mine for about 2 months, but on day 2 i knew that his best friend was a girl and that they had hooked up the second day they knew each other-but never again after that. He calls her his "brother" and that "she is so scary and manly that I WOULD NEVER do it again. it grosses me out!"
So-he said that, and yes i believe him as i have met the girl and she is pretty, but also total bat-shit crazy! My advice-trust him until you have something concrete happen that can validate your mistrust.
Of course it isnt ideal, but what can you do?
If you push him away over something that is probably nothing, then you lose him. Game over.
Befriend the girl. And seem like you are on board with the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I was hanging out with a guy I really liked. We tallked in the kitchen til 2 in the morning when he got a phone call. A friend who happens to be a girl needed him at that moment; she was having trouble getting home and she was drunk.
I was so bummed to end the night so early, but as much as I wanted him to stay and as much as I wanted him not to go, I knew he had to go help out a friend. And if I started questioning him it would have only made me look ugly and insecure. I did make sure to tell him how much I appreciated his visit.
Sometimes you gotta give 'em some space, let 'em do what they do. But if your gut is telling you something, listen to it, I have found that it never stears you wrong.
Hope that helps a bit :)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Depends how long they've been friends and whether they've ever hooked up. Cos if they are just friends and have been for years with no intention on getting together then you getting between them is only going to push him away from you.
Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Hmmm......getting a phone call at that early hour from his "friend" and telling her he couldn't wait to see her, and "I love you too" does not sound good at all. In fact, if she was just a friend "I" would have bawled her out for calling at that time of the morning!
His explanation sounds very "fishy" to me.
In short, no, I don't think you're being jealous over nothing. And if anything is going to ruin what you have, it's going to come from him, not you......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): First, ask yourself honestly what do you have with this guy? You're right five months is not a long time to really know someone. Does he feel that strongly about you? I find it very inconsiderate of your feelings and position as his girlfriend to brush it off as nothing. I don't think your being jealous, If it's really bothering you, speak on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Oh man, i am stuck in the same boat.
I got super jealous over nothing and ended up pushing her away.
I regret my jealousy and overreactions severely now :(
However, that phone conversation does sound pretty fishy. I suggest you dont bring it up but keep an eye out until something debatable comes up :)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (27 July 2010):
 It's possible he's not his boyfriend because he's not sexually attracted to her, but still cares for her. You have the right to be concerned about this but it's not necessary to do so in an accusatory manner. He has to reassure you that there is no hanky panky things going on. It's very common when people say "we are just friends" and hide the truth but in reality, it's possible for men and women to become friends. Some women can be very isolated because they can't be friends with other women for whatever reason, so it just happens that her dear friend is a guy. Your boyfriend is probably the helper listener type and feel compassion for those in need. His love for her can never be compared to his love for you. The English language is very limited when it comes to the word love.
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A
female
reader, confused81 +, writes (27 July 2010):
Pardon!!! I love you too??
No I feel your pain babe... I would be devastated if i would've heard that but you do have remember that we're not all after someone elses man.
Maybe they are just friends and he is her support, maybe she likes him and the drunken texts start but you HAVE to ask him.
Just tell him you over heard the conversation and it made you feel very uncomfortable. If he respects you he will explain the situation for what it is!!
Do you know this girl?
Dont look too much into it!! It doesnt matter how long you have been with someone...if you feel uncomfortable with something communication is the best way. Dont let your mind work overtime!
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