Any attempt at sex makes me squirm with discomfort. What's wrong with me?
Q. Hey I've been having this problem for quite some time now. I know that I don't fancy girls, I fancy boys, but despite that I don't get 'turned on' when heavy petting with a guy. I have tried to have sex on several occasions with my ex who was also...
A. 10 August 2005: You are probably not ready. I feel that you are placing a lot of importance on penetration and not closeness. Be close to each other without having to think you always have to aim for sex. If you continue to have problems you might have to visit ... (read in full...)
He's not as affectionate as he once was. Should I cheat to make him more interested in me?
Q. My boyfriend doesn't call me or visit as much as he used to. He tells me he loves me but these days his actions makes me doubt him. He also doesn't kiss me that much anymore as well. I'm beginning to think that there might be someone else but he's...
A. 10 August 2005: Please don't. Relationships are not tit for tat.
Tell him your concerns about his affection. Do not get another man involved purely to gain attention. It will not work. Your boyfriend will still be distant and you will just feel cheap.... (read in full...)
Should I date a good friend?
Q. Is it a good idea to get into a relationship with a friend who you have known for a few years but have always liked more since you met them?...
A. 10 August 2005: I can't answer this without more info! Does your friend feel the same? have they made their feelings clear?
I think the only way that the friends into lovers thing works is that you both feel the same and you have realistic expectations of each ... (read in full...)
I get mixed signals from my best friend's sister, but I'm interested...
Q. I like a girl who is 5 years my senior. She gives me mixed signals. She is also my best friend's sister. Should I tell her? ...
A. 10 August 2005: Your question dosent give much to go on.
Think about your friendship with your best friend, will he be upset with you? Will he be protective of his sister? Will it damage your friendship?
Think about what means more, a girl giving mixed sig... (read in full...)
Should I get in contact with the guy I knew 2 years ago, who I can't stop thinking of?
Q. I have a major problem...well, maybe it's not as major as other people's but there's a guy that's constantly on my mind and I want to talk to him but he lives 4 and 1/2 hours away and I haven't talked to him in almost 2 years. I can't stop thinking ...
A. 10 August 2005: Sometimes fantasy is better than reality. The one that got away is always more exciting than the one that you got to know warts and all. Drop him a line as a friend and get chatting, but don't expect too much at first - he may not have been ... (read in full...)
Should I get in contact with the guy I knew 2 years ago, who I can't stop thinking of?
Q. I have a major problem...well, maybe it's not as major as other people's but there's a guy that's constantly on my mind and I want to talk to him but he lives 4 and 1/2 hours away and I haven't talked to him in almost 2 years. I can't stop thinking ...
A. 10 August 2005: Sometimes fantasy is better than reality. The one that got away is always more exciting than the one that you got to know warts and all. Drop him a line as a friend and get chatting, but don't expect too much at first - he may not have been ... (read in full...)
After a drama-free relationship, she wrote and broke it off. Now I get the impression she wants me back!
Q. Dear Cupid, My problem is that some 2 months ago my girlfriend and I decided to have timely break to clear our heads after her teenage son and myself were constantly at each other! About a month ago, after I wrote a lengthy love letter to her she ...
A. 9 August 2005: It was not a dramaless relationship - you and her son did not get on and that will be a big drama for any woman - the two people she cares about most at each others throats. she has chosen her son, and rightly so. Give her the space she and her ... (read in full...)
I'm not shy. I'm happy to ask girls out, but what do I actually SAY?
Q. Right, let me explain my situation; I'm 17, living in England, and never had girlfriend. Up until the last year or so of course I've been interested, though this hasn't really bothered me, but since I went to college and met friends that hav...
A. 8 August 2005: go out, talk to people, be friendly and just ask! Have something ready - Ive got tickets to...I want to try this resteraunt... theres a new bar open...would you like to come with me? As you say, they can only say no...... (read in full...)
Except for the lying and the cheating, our relationship would be perfect...
Q. I found out a week ago that my boyfriend of almost three years cheated on me for the second time. I literally had to force the answer out of him even though I had asked him many times before. He has been lying to me for months. We are still to...
A. 8 August 2005: Assuming your b/f is the same age, you have been in a commited relationship since your teens. MAybe you both need time to grow and find out who you both are. Your partner may feel like he has grown up too soon and is rebelling by cheating.
I fee... (read in full...)
How far can you go before you've lost your virginity?
Q. At what point does one lose her virginity? Is it just by engaging in sexual acts?- but a kiss is considered a sexual act so how far from heavy kisses to heavy petting can you go before you can consider you've had intercourse and are no longer a...
A. 8 August 2005: It used to be about hymens, but they can be broken with tampons! I would say that it is penetration with a penis into the vagina that constitutes having sex.... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a girlfriend, but I want to change his mind!
Q. I'm not sure exactly how you would define our relationship but me and this guy have been "seeing" each other for a while now. He says he likes me a lot but doesn't want a gf because he has been hurt in the past. I on the other hand really want to ...
A. 8 August 2005: I take it "seeing" means having sex. Tell him if there is no hope of being in a committed relationship then you do not want to have sex. In having sex without a relationship he perceives you as an object and not a potential partner. Tell him you ... (read in full...)
Right now, we're friends-with-benefits. He's Mum's boyfriend's brother...
Q. I've fallen for a guy who is my mum's b/f's brother! I really like him and we have a great friends relationship. Then one night after a few drinks one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. It was the best sex that I had ever had and he is...
A. 8 August 2005: Sounds like he has replaced his drug addiction with an addiction to you! He's got carried away with the sex and being adored and now he realises that you are falling for him. You need to let him sort himself out without any crutches - drugs or ... (read in full...)
Why do girls I date say I'm not making mistakes, then dump me anyway?
Q. It's not like I am asking them to marry me or be with me forever. Why does it seem like every girl leaves me for someone else? I mean, they are decent guys. I am sure they love them for one reason or another. When you are in my shoes, and almost ...
A. 8 August 2005: I get so frustrated with women who leave decent guys because they are not exciting enough, then end up on here because the guys they are with do not treat them decently! Be patient, stay decent and love will come your way.... (read in full...)
Why do I say such hurtful things to the man I love?
Q. I have actually found the love of my life, the man that I want to marry. I would die for him,. My problem is that I do have respect for him but not completely. I get angry with him and can be very nasty in arguments and say hurtful things delibera...
A. 8 August 2005: I think you should tell him how you feel. We all say things we don't mean in arguments but we can all apologise.
It is true that we hurt the ones we love the most. we feel able to say horrible things to the ones we care about because we know tha... (read in full...)
My cousin kicked and hit me after punching my mother. What can I do?
Q. I have a big problem. My family have three members. One is me. Another is my mother. The other is a cousin that has a bad habit. He is a man but I am a woman. He always disputes with my mother. Last week, when my mother and he violently disputed, he ...
A. 8 August 2005: You should phone the police and report this assault. Just because he is family it does not excuse this appauling abusive behaviour. This man commited a crime against you and he needs to be treated as anyone else... (read in full...)
Is the 5-years gap too much between us? Is it too soon for us to have sex?
Q. I am a 15 year old teenage girl who is in a loving relationship with a guy who is 20. I will be 16 in 3 months and he will be 21 next month. We really want to have sex but I don't know if it's too soon and if he is too old for me? ...
A. 8 August 2005: Stay legal, stay safe and stay true to yourself. if you have any doubts there is no time limit on waiting and if he loves you he will wait.... (read in full...)
Love my girlfriend, but I think she hangs with the wrong crowd. Is that too controlling?
Q. Right, here it goes.... I have found the love of my life, which I'm sure of. I am not slacking on thinking of spending the rest of my life with the person. I am not one of these guys who want to have a good time or whatever. What I think is that ...
A. 8 August 2005: I think that telling her who she should hang about with is controlling and "ruling" her. Your girlfriend has the right to be friends with whoever she choses. Why do you not like these friends? are they a bit too close to the truth?
A healthy ... (read in full...)
What do you think of a commemoration of our 4-month dating anniversary?
Q. Hi. I'm 17 and I've been dating a girl(who is also 17) for almost 4 months. This Wednesday we're going to a concert and that also happens to be our "Four month anniversary". We've never celebrated this type of stuff before but I think that it might ...
A. 8 August 2005: I think you should. She will love it that you are so thoughtful. I hope you continue to be so thoughtful when you are a bit older. My partner cant remember our yearly anniversaries!... (read in full...)
When we go out I have to make all the overtures and keep the conversation going. It's starting to get me down...
Q. I am really interested in a guy I play volleyball in the same team with. I have just taken up 10 pin bowling and he is a very good bowler, we have been bowling a few times now but I can't get him to talk. He is shy, I am shy and I am making all the ...
A. 8 August 2005: Just because this guy is shy, it does not mean that he is not interesting. Give him a chance.
Nothing puts men off more than desperation, especially a ticking biological clock. Relax, enjoy yourself and if you really like this man, perserve... (read in full...)
This dog is MY man's best friend. He says I'm just jealous of her...
Q. Hi, My boyfriend is a good man and I love him very much but he isn't one for affection until it comes to his dog (female). I am not exagerating when I write that he constantly kisses her, smells her, while letting out a mmmmmmmmm, and saying ...
A. 8 August 2005: A dog never lets you down, never argues with you and needs minimal attention. She's fiercley loyal and dosent want to talk about feelings. Of course your boyfriend is close to her! You need to accept the dog as you would a friend or a child. ... (read in full...)
We share a bed even though we've broken up. Now his cuddling up with me is confusing!
Q. Hi there, My beloved boyfriend has just dumped me. I've moved out of his place now but had to share a bed with him for a week. Even though he says he doesn't love me anymore and does not ever want to be more than friends he has shown me affecti...
A. 8 August 2005: I think its straight forward. Sorry. THere's a girl in his bed and thats all he sees. Its unfair of him to be doing this though. i do hope you can move on and find happiness in your life. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend what I know about his love interest, or keep my mouth shut?
Q. (Gay related) Hi, I have a very close friend who's been seeing another guy for the last five months. My friend lives alone and the guy he's seeing is living with a partner but has told my friend that this relationship is all but over and...
A. 8 August 2005: I think your friend is being very blinkered. Gay or straight we've all heard the "I'm married but its not working" line, and its never true! I think you should tell your friend to check out the website, then he could see for himself. he's ... (read in full...)
After a raunchy text from my ex, I don't know if he wants me back...
Q. I split from my ex a year ago, but I am still madly in love with him. He was my first 'real' boyfriend and I love him. He does have a new girlfriend but she gets jealous of me easily. My ex and I were friends when we were kids and his girlfriend ...
A. 8 August 2005: When you have been childhood friends, your lives are inextricably linked and you will have a closeness that you probably will not get anywhere else. you truly know each other inside out. This does not mean that you cannot have a love deeper than ... (read in full...)
I can't marry her, because we're both with different people. So what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid. I happen to have had a girlfriend who had a baby with some guy before we met. I also had a baby with my first girlfriend and she knows. Now the time came when she asked me that she wanted to go back to the father of her son and I th...
A. 8 August 2005: It is not always best for the child for their parents to be together, especially if they are not happy and there is a lot of jealousy.
This woman has asked you to let her go and even guide her into the arms of another man who is jealous and pose... (read in full...)
We texted until late, and now I think I'd like to ask her out, but I don't hang with those friends any more...
Q. Please help me as best you can. I'm 15 and about 2 weeks ago I got a text off this girl I had not seen in about 3 months. When I used to hang around with her I fancied her and she knew about it but she wasn't interested. Anyway we had a good tal...
A. 8 August 2005: Sounds like she likes you. Text her and tell her you would like to meet up somewhere where you can talk but it won't feel too much like a date- Maybe bowling or skating, so you have something to talk about. Get to know her and soon you will feel ... (read in full...)
I snooped in her email account, I snooped in her mobile. I found out the truth about her best friend, but she's broken up with me over it...
Q. I’ve been with my girlfriend for about year, and about 8 months of our relationship has been troubled by her best friend (female), who is in love with my girlfriend and whom my girlfriend has had sex with twice before I we ever met. My girlfrie...
A. 8 August 2005: I think your girlfriend has told you what she wants and you need to respect that. There has been so many lies and you have broken any trust she would have had in you because you read her email. She seems confused about her sexuality and you need ... (read in full...)
There are anger issues, and my fiance has a gambling problem, but I still love him and want this to work!
Q. I am not normally into writing into places asking for help, but this moment I really need it. I am lost. I love my fiance to bits like no other man before, the only thing is he does not understand me at all, I may not be the brightest tool in the s...
A. 2 August 2005: Oh dear..you have to decide whether you are a person or a saint. You could spend your whole life being understanding, interpreting rages and moods and accepting apologies, paying gambling debts and accepting insults. What do you get in return? ... (read in full...)
He wants to take his ex out to dinner to cheer her up... Am I wrong to object?
Q. My boyf has a female collegue/friend that fancies him and they dated about a year go for a couple of weeks. He claims that she wasn't right for him. She is now seeing and sleeping with 2 men at the same time. He feels a little sorry for her as she ...
A. 2 August 2005: You need to trust him. if he wanted to be in a relationship with her he would be. if it was anything more you wouldn't be hearing about it! I would feel put out, even the most secure woman in the world would but show him you trust him.... (read in full...)
We're broken up, but he tells me he can't picture life without me. What's going on?
Q. I have just recentally broken up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I am 26 and he is 23. We lived together for a year. Even though we broke up we continue having a friendship and also have sex on ocassion. I have tried talking about our ...
A. 2 August 2005: He was 20 when you got together. He probably does love you but needs some time to sow his oats before he settles down. Don't let him string you along while he does this, which means no more booty calls! Go out and enjoy being single. Give him ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with this girl, but she gives the impression she just can't be bothered...
Q. I have been seeing a girl for 3 months and have fallen deeply in love, but she has a lot of problems. She has said that she wants to be with me but can't get her head around it at the minute and to give her some space. This is driving me insane as I ...
A. 2 August 2005: I would be backing off if a man said he was madly in love with me after 3 months too! Give her some space and give yourself some too. Things are moving very fast and she probably needs some time to get used to things. People who have problems ... (read in full...)
We accept the age difference between us, but I think my family won't!
Q. I'm a 25 single mum of 2 and always dated men no older than 32. I have now met a 38 year old man who I've fallen in love with, and him me. But the problem I have is I don't think my family will accept the age difference and don't know what to do fo...
A. 2 August 2005: You are 25 years old and a mother of two and you are letting your family dictate who you should have a relationship with? Follow your heart and if you truly love this man and he treats you well they will see this.
You say that you don't know for... (read in full...)
Do I take him back or tell him to hit the highway?
Q. I was with my boyfriend James on and off for about 2 years- the last time we decided to get back together I was really happy, but then he broke it off as he liked someone else. He now wants me back but I'm seeing Will now and I really like him. The...
A. 2 August 2005: It seems that james picks you up and puts you down when he feels like it. He thinks he will always take him back. If james truly loves you like you love him he would not play these games with you. My advice is not to give james what he wants, ... (read in full...)
My relationship isn't as strong as it used to be. What should I do?
Q. Hi I am 18 and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just under 2 years now and I think that the relationship between us is falling apart. What should I do?...
A. 2 August 2005: You have probably done a lot of growing up in the last two years, and have both probably changed a lot too. The choice you now face is wether you want to grow together or you have grown apart. Be honest with each other, talk and share your ... (read in full...)
My friend has offered to listen to me talk about my problems, but how do I start?
Q. Hi I'm 15 and recently my parents split up. It affects me a lot. My friend said I could talk to her about it any time. I know it would help me to talk to her but I don't know how to tell her I want to talk. I'm quite shy and I just can't seem to ask ...
A. 2 August 2005: You don't have to ask just talk! I bet this friend asks you every day how you are and you say "fine". Next time tell her how you are really feeling and the conversation will flow. If she dosent ask, ask her and use this as a starting point. You ... (read in full...)
He's going to jail for a long time. Do I wait?
Q. Dear agony aunt, I am in a relationship with a man who has gone to jail and is expecting a really long sentence. The thing is, I was only with him for 2 months before he got arrested. Should I wait for him? I don't feel as strong for him as I did...
A. 2 August 2005: Having a relationship with bars between you is hard enough for couples who have been together for years. You have only known this man for a few months. You hardly know him and you are not going to get to know him whilst he is in jail. Cut your ... (read in full...)
I had too much to drink and I think I embarrassed us both at his mate's wedding...
Q. Over the weekend just gone me and my boyfriend of nearly three years went to one of his best mate's weddings. I was so stressed about the day and buying an outfit before hand but we sorted that out and he helped me. We got to the wedding and it w...
A. 2 August 2005: Weddings are always difficult for couples. There is lots of alcohol and lots of pressure for you to be next! MAybe this is the reason you had all this emotion going on? I feel that your partner may have realised that he is either ready or not ... (read in full...)
Afraid to tell my boyfriend that I had to work as a prostitute. What if he rejects me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I would like some advice on a secret which I have kept for the past 2 years which is killing me. I used to work as prostitute briefly for 3 months, where I live. I was forced into it because I had been beaten up and left home and...
A. 2 August 2005: I think the decision you have to make is whether this is a secret you think you can keep without having to worry every day. You will always be wondering if someone will tell him or he finds out. that is not a comfortable life for you and your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a different idea about having sex... and he wants it that way all the time!
Q. Hello pls pls I need some advice. My b/f of 9 yrs has a strange idea of how you make love to a WOMAN if you know what I'm trying to say, without being crude. It's happened all the way through our relationship and I cant stand it any more. I ...
A. 6 July 2005: Do not stand for this any longer. Penetration into any orifice without consent is Rape. I feel that this is not neccessary a homosexual thing, but a power thing. It inflicts pain and gives you no pleasure. I sense this man is very controlling ... (read in full...)
I never developed breasts and I don't feel like I could ever really satisfy a man's needs.
Q. I'm a twenty four year old female with sex issues. I find it hard to enjoy sex because of my physical shortcomings - I have never developed breasts. I don't mean that I have small breasts, I have literally NO breasts at all, just nipples. My sto...
A. 6 July 2005: Loving your body and being comfortable in your own skin is one of the hardest things to do. Beleive your boyfriend when he says that he finds you attractive. Not all men are interested in breasts, and not all men are interested in appearance.
... (read in full...)
She said that we're soulmates, but she couldn't be with me if I couldn't give her a baby...
Q. Hi there, my gf has left me 3 weeks ago. It's a bit complicated, but basically she has mild depression and thinks very lowly of herself. I love her to bits. The problem being she wants a child and I can't give her one. I am 39 she is 33. She said...
A. 6 July 2005: I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad, and that you care so much about your girlfriend.
I don't think that the urge for a baby will die down. I think you need to decide wether you want a child in your life, because there is more than one... (read in full...)
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