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male
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*oncernedUK
writes: (Gay related)Hi,I have a very close friend who's been seeing another guy for the last five months. My friend lives alone and the guy he's seeing is living with a partner but has told my friend that this relationship is all but over and that he's just waiting for the right excuse to get out of it. OK, dangerous ground to begin with I know but my friend seems to be fully aware of the risks of getting involved with someone who's already in a (supposedly) failing relationship.The real problem is this: my friend believes strongly in monogamy (which makes the fact he's seeing a "married" man a little strange I know), would never cheat on a partner and would expect the partner to have the same views. However, I know for a fact that the guy he's seeing is cruising on an almost daily basis on a well know gay dating website, "looking for fun", which in gay parlance means only one thing! I've seen him on there with my own eyes many times over the last few weeks. If that wasn't bad enough, another friend of mine whom I trust implicitly, has told me that this guy also sent him a message offering "escort services" a few months ago and yet another friend has told me that he was propositioned by this guy just a couple of weeks ago!I'm at a loss as to what to do. Do I tell my friend what I know and risk destroying our friendship (I hate the fact that I feel like I've been "snooping" around behind his back). Do I just keep my mouth shut and just be there for him when thing inevitably (in my opinion) go wrong?Do I confront this guy directly and tell him I know what he's up to. I have the means do this either anonymously or face to face. I feel so bad that I'm keeping things back from my friend but I how do you tell someone something that's obviously going to upset them greatly? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
I think your friend is being very blinkered. Gay or straight we've all heard the "I'm married but its not working" line, and its never true! I think you should tell your friend to check out the website, then he could see for himself. he's obviously enchanted by this guy and will not listen to you if you go in with accusations. Email him the link and tell him you'll be there for him. Good luck
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