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female
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anonymous
writes: I have just recentally broken up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I am 26 and he is 23. We lived together for a year. Even though we broke up we continue having a friendship and also have sex on ocassion. I have tried talking about our relationship to him but all he says it that he does not know. He told me that he is scared. I do still love him and would like him back and he knows this. When I bring up a relationship again he becomes very distant. He says that he does not see us getting back together in one sentence and the next time I see him he says he can not picture his life without me? I am soo confused please help me.
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
He was 20 when you got together. He probably does love you but needs some time to sow his oats before he settles down. Don't let him string you along while he does this, which means no more booty calls! Go out and enjoy being single. Give him some space to get to know what he wants. If its meant to be you'll find each other again.
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female
reader, dlphnlvr +, writes (2 August 2005):
I definattly understand where you are coming from. I do believe that he is just scared about taking a huge comitment. It sounds like he really does care about you but he wants to be "free" also. Sometimes guys get scared when a relationship gets soo close so he is tring to back off. I think if you give him his space, but be there for him...emotionally, not physically he will come around. Give him some time, let him go out and be single for awhile, if he really cares he will eventully mature a bit. He knows how you feel, don't push it, let it be. He needs to mature on his own. Be a friends to him now. It will be hard and you have to be strong, but I do believe that time will solve this problem. If you keep having sex with him he will of course take it but it really won't give him the space and time that he needs.
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (2 August 2005):
You are obviously feeling pain and confusion over the break-up of your relationship. Obviously you were (and possibly are still?) very much in love with this guy.
Sadly, the relationship has now ended and his selfish actions and mind games only serve to confirm this fact. I believe that it is impossible to maintain any form of contact with a recent ex without at least one party getting hurt. He is fully aware of the intensity of your feelings for him, yet he refuses to discuss getting back together or make any commitment towards you.
It will be very painful, but I think you need to cut all contact with your ex, because at the moment you are extremely vulnerable in the aftermath of your split. You will only end up getting more and more hurt by this guy.
If I were in your position, I would cut my losses, grieve over the relationship and then begin to live your life again. In 6 - 12 months time you may be able to become friends again, but at the moment this "arrangement" isn't doing your state of mind any favours at all.
All the best
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
It sounds like he doesnt want a relationship but he is happy to use you for sex when he feels like it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2005): I was in a simalr situation...for what I can see he does care about you...but maybe his love for you has faded into friendship and he cant picture u as his girlfriend but he cant picture u not there at all. Be just friends for awhile with means NO SEX and see how it goes from there. Write him a letter explaining how you fell bcoz then he can read it over and over again un-till it has snak in 2 his head....lol
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female
reader, brokenarrow +, writes (1 August 2005):
Try standing back a little. Continue to spend time with him if you are both happy doing that but try not to mention the word 'relationship' Guys tend to freak a little when they think a girl is pushing for commitment. Just be yourself and have fun with and without him and if he really does want you in his life he will make the decision without you proding him. The more you push, the more he will pull away. He obviously knows how you feel? So, maybe try leaving it for a few weeks and if things seem good and you are both happy, just ask him how he feels and let him know that you need to know where you stand. Good luck and be strong :)
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