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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear agony aunt, I am in a relationship with a man who has gone to jail and is expecting a really long sentence. The thing is, I was only with him for 2 months before he got arrested. Should I wait for him? I don't feel as strong for him as I did when we were together and he has now been in jail for 3 months. What shall I do? Please help me.
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female
reader, Peasle  +, writes (3 August 2005):
I think you gave the answer in your question. You were only with him for two months before he got arrested and you now don't feel as strongly for him. You don't get to know a man in 2 months - 2 years maybe, but not two months. He's going to be away for a long stretch of time, you could wait around and when he gets out, realise you don't actually get on with him.
A
female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
Having a relationship with bars between you is hard enough for couples who have been together for years. You have only known this man for a few months. You hardly know him and you are not going to get to know him whilst he is in jail. Cut your losses before you get more attached.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2005): Please consider 'moving on' with your life. You really want to stay away from being involved with a man who's doing jail time. That alone, must surely tell you he's got some pretty big problems. (Red Flag!)
I believe (just my opinion) that women who become involved with convicts-may be motivated by loneliness or the belief that they can somehow "save" the guy from his own "dark past". Others just want to be a part of the drama and mystique of loving an extreme "bad boy." Some women are attracted to not-so-nice guys out of low self-esteem or rebellion. Some women feel “special” because these inmates, whom are obviously capable of hurting others, do not hurt them.
Save yourself future grief..let him go and you need to get on with your life. You have only known this man for 2 months...your time with him was short and the relationship has barely got off the ground. Consider being a friend but not a love partner now or in the future. Get out and find a nice, caring man to love and share your life with. If you do, you will never regret this decision. Good luck.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
Do you really feel you are committed to him enough afetr only two months to wait perhaps years to be with him again?
Not to mention that he cant be too trustworthy to have ended up with a long sentence in gaol.
I think it would be better to forget this man as continuing a relationship with him whilst he is in prison will put an immense pressure on you.
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A
female
reader, Ask MiMi +, writes (2 August 2005):
In my opinion, you should not wait for this guy. You really don't know this guy well. Waiting for him may prove to be a waste of your time. And besides, that when he comes out, he will be a changed man - and you may not like the changes very much. You should move on with your life, and find a man who you can build a future with.
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