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male
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*lehisaword
writes: It's not like I am asking them to marry me or be with me forever. Why does it seem like every girl leaves me for someone else? I mean, they are decent guys. I am sure they love them for one reason or another. When you are in my shoes, and almost never make a mistake in a relationship, in accordance to "the reasons they broke up with me." Then why do they break it off? Is it too perfect for them? I don't get too close for them, all I ask from them is a little dedication, and affection. It hurts soo much, when all you do is good and considerate, and you don't get anything in return for it. I just need some reasons why it happens? Thank you.-Unrealistic
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
I get so frustrated with women who leave decent guys because they are not exciting enough, then end up on here because the guys they are with do not treat them decently! Be patient, stay decent and love will come your way.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 Here is the thing about girls. If you are just a bit aloof you will do better. If you are head over heals and they are too you are doing nothing wrong. Unfortunately, if you feel more or come on as the great catch too soon, you will turn them off. That will come across as a bit wimpy and makes them feel smothered. That is why some guys make the three day rule. (Wait 3 days to call if you did not promise to do so at a certain time and you should not have made a promise to call.)
If you want to have a better chance, be a little busy and always leave a little before you want to and always when she is still into you being there. Instill in her a longing for more not less of you.
Romantic gestures should build slowly over time lest they make you seem girly and desperate. Have a life outside of her and check the expectations for her dedication at the door until she brings up the talk. No promise of exclusivity before you have the right to ask. That is atleast 2 to three months into the dating not after the first or even fourth week.
This is different than disrespecting her. It is not bad boys we want (unless we have serious issues anyway.) It is someone we feel could protect us in an emergency and someone who others want too (It is a female version of a reference check.) Women like status and strength. Not big muscles, but influence and confidence. While at a party for instance, if you give her a little special and flirtatious attention and then mingle and check back later and repeat, then she will see that you aren't desperate and that others like you too. (status)
If you cuddle and break off from the crowd making her your only focus, she will get a weirdo vibe. If you bring flowers or any other gift you come off as the kid who tried to buy popularity. If after three months you get her flowers after a fight or on her birthday, you are gold.
I was once into a guy until we were at a party one night and I hear the DJ dedicate a song and make a promise of unrelenting love for the guy. Instant turn off. I wanted to puke and just 10 min. prior I was wondering what our kids would look like.
Another time, out with friends at a bar, a guy was all over me not taking the clue I was not into him at all. A friend I barely looked twice at, intervened and refused to get into a fight or even allow it to escalate into yelling even while under extreme taunting from a huge drunk. He did not back down but conveyed a sense that he is not going to stoop to the drunk guys level. The fact that he seemed to be decent and did not need to prove a point was so sexy. In fact, that was 11 years ago and I'm typing a response to you early in the morning- awake again too early because I can't hear myself think -his snoring is so loud!
I was played like a fiddle. He held back and let me lead the romantic side. He seemed to say by his actions that it would be cool if I was into him but if not he had a life and would not skip a beat. Nothing beats a guy that is stable, manly, polite and interested but not obviously so. If a girl thinks you are into her but can't tell for sure, you will lead her to think about you more. My guy never came on to others or was overly needy. Instead, he every once in a while allowed me to catch him staring slightly suggestively, (makes you feel sexy) and seemed to be happy and care free (liked by others). He also was unpredictable a bit of a reble looking but all the while big into family values and great with all ladies. He treated elderly women like the bell of the ball. For every extreme on one side, there was a balance that seemed individualistic and sincere.
Try to relax and never let them see you sweat. Try the spirit of the advice above and see if you don't have better luck. You will not be able to get them all this way. After all, who can explain attraction? It is a mystery to me some of the people my friends think are hot. . . . thank God though since the competition would have been fierce!
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