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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 15 year old teenage girl who is in a loving relationship with a guy who is 20. I will be 16 in 3 months and he will be 21 next month. We really want to have sex but I don't know if it's too soon and if he is too old for me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jessi +, writes (16 September 2006):
I understand you writing into cupid because this is a really big thing im 16 and have recentley had sex 4 the 1st time it was ok, i truly loved this person aswell but we have broke up now i realise it wasnt meant 2 be i sort of regret it to be honest because its something special and you shud giv it 2 someone who truely adores you and respects you.You are really young and it is alot to deal with once you have already done it there is no rush! just make sure its something you want to do and dont be pressured into it BUT if it feels right then do it but use potection!!!!!!!!!!goodluckx x x x x x x x x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): me and my boyfriend have the same age gap as you and began dating at the same age, as long as you dont feel pressurised and want sex with your boyfriend for the right reasons then there is no problem. if you dont feel ready he needs to know and if he cares about as you as i imagine he says he does he will wait untill you are ready. dont do anthing you dont want to do each relationship is different and if you dont want to have sex just yet dont let him say anything that will try to convince you otherwise
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reader, Doodles +, writes (10 August 2005):
All i can really say is dont feel pushed into it, for example if seems to loose interest if you say you want to wait. Alot of people say if he loves you he'll wait,etc etc, but what i have to say is as long as your comfortable with it,and you care for him, and you know the relationship isnt based on sex (as long as you dont want it to be) then the age gap is fine, and just do it when your ready, try not to make a big thing about it. It'll hapen when it happens.
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reader, stacey126 +, writes (10 August 2005):
all i can say is be careful. 20 is an awkward age and guys tend to be more sexually active round about this time. dont let him force you into doing somethinig your not comfortable with. if you think you have gone far enough tell him or if you dont want to do that try something like "i dont know if im comfortable with that could we try this instead?" gradually you will both get used to what each other prefer and soon will have nothing to worry about
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reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
Stay legal, stay safe and stay true to yourself. if you have any doubts there is no time limit on waiting and if he loves you he will wait.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
5 years is not a long time, at 15 and 20 it is more of a gap that at 25 and 30 but I dont see this as a problem as long as you both get on well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005): Good for you! You are a very bright girl..to educate and seek advice for yourself before you have sex and find out more about age-gap relationships. I have a lot to say to you, about your questions so read on! There are a lot of important things to think about when you have a serious relationship with an older guy. Problems that can crop up with some age-gap (teen girls and older guy)relationships & they can get serious. Some older guys do date younger girls to control them and to be idolized. They like to be in charge and what better way than with a young, impressionable teen girl. A good way to figure out what your older boyfriend's motives & expectations are, is to look at his reputation and how he's treated previous his girlfriends. Is he just kind and respectful or is he kind and respectful and controlling? This may be hard to determine, since control isn't always as obvious as saying "do this" or "don't do that." People can be controlling in ways that are more subtle. Examples of control: Making you feel like you have to choose between the relationship and family or friends (isolating you); checking up on you constantly; trying to influence you to act, talk, or dress in certain ways. It might be helpful to ask yourself what exactly you like about him. Is he really someone you really, really have things in common with, or is it just cool to be dating an older guy? Sometimes an older guy might seem like a quick ticket out of a bad situation at home or to help you get more popular with friends.
Talking things through with your older bf about what you're ready for and what you're not can really help. That's because communication is the key to all relationships. You won't know for sure what those expectations are until you talk about it! Some older guys may be more mature, more experienced, and able to drive, but they also come with more expectations, which may also mean more pressure about a lot of things, including sex. I hope you BF is NOT pressuring you! Which is WHY teenage girls who date older guys are much more likely to have accidental pregnancies than those who date guys their own age. And when teenagers have sex with older partners, legal issues may come into play (statutory rape laws) Each state/country has its own laws governing the age of consent-the age at which a person is considered to be old enough to agree to have sex. Yes-even if the younger person is willing, because the law says they aren't old enough to legally give consent. "Statutory rape" is a crime that can be punished with a jail sentence for the older person. Hundreds of older men go to jail every year for having sex with younger women.
And...as you know, sex is a huge responsibility and it is very emotional for young teen girls. Before having sex, you should know about: condoms, birth control pills, how your bodies work, STDs and unplanned pregnancies-again, BEFORE you have sex. Sexual intercourse is a highly emotional activity and many unforseen consequences can occur, affecting your mind, your body and your future. This is serious! How you will feel emotionally afterwards will most likely be more than you or any 15 year old is prepared for nor can deal with. Then of course, the possibility that he may give you an STD, what then? Or the 2 of you could create a life. A "child" raising a child? Or would you be financially ready or could you cope with the emotional trauma in deciding what to do with a possible pregnancy? My best advice to give you: Do NOT have sex. You should be a lot older and in a very loving, committed relationship with a lifelong partner. I pray you can hold off because with maturity and adulthood comes the wisdom & foresight that there won't be any worries about the consequences, because together you both will be able to deal with them, maturely.
So..some queations to think about: Who will be in control? What are your expectations? What are his? What are your risks? Could there be legal problems? It can also help to talk things through with someone whose thinking you trust and value, whether it's your best friend, a sibling, a parent, or another trusted adult. When dating older and for dating in general — it's best to enter the relationship with your eyes wide open. This may not be the case with your older bf but it's good to remember, greater experience with life increases the odds that older men will have problems with substance abuse, emotional disturbances, criminal behavior, abusiveness, STD and HIV infection, and unresolved past relationships. A HUGE possibility for a lot of his unresolved, emotional baggage being tossed your way. I say, date someone your own age.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do...but use your head and think smart! Take Care...Hugs, Irish
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (8 August 2005):
There's no easy way to answer that, especially because I don't have much to go on. So I'll toss a couple things out there, you can keep em if you like em or you can send them back.
If you've only been together for a few months or less, it's too soon. You might love him, but you don't really know if he feels the same or just wants to take advantage. If he has done this before with a younger girl and left her, too soon. You don't want to be another pretty face that gets tossed in the gutter. If he's never been with a girl his own age, too soon. He's got some kind of issues. Unless you're his first girlfriend, he has a pattern of going for younger girls. Last thing I'm laying out... if you're not sure about him in what I mentioned, best to play it safe. I'm not saying you're too young and immature to figure this out, just be careful. I'd always be more suspicious of someone out of high school trying to hook up with someone in high school. Something strange about that. Makes me raise an eyebrow. If you'd been together awhile, and I knew he was a good intentioned guy without a shady history, I'd approve.
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reader, envy +, writes (8 August 2005):
you have really just answered your own question if there is just the slightest doubt in your head then you obviously aint ready to start a sexual relation ship. when the time is right you will know and there will be no negative thoughts regarding age and timing in your head. sex with the right person is one of the greatest things you do in life just make sure you know in your heart that its what you wanna do n who you wanna do it with. in my opinion if its true love dont let a tiny detail like age get in the way of your being together if its ment to be it will be
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