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writes: I’ve been with my girlfriend for about year, and about 8 months of our relationship has been troubled by her best friend (female), who is in love with my girlfriend and whom my girlfriend has had sex with twice before I we ever met. My girlfriend originally kept these things from me and even lied when I got suspicious and questioned her whether they had ever had sexual relations and if her best friend was in love with her. She did tell me about them two having sex but lied before when I asked, when my girlfriend did tell me, she claimed the reason for lying before was because she did not trust me completely. She however continued to lie about her best friend being in love with her, eventually I found out by going through my girlfriends mobile and came across a text in which her best friend was saying she was in love with her. When I confronted my girlfriend she admitted that her best was in love with her and she lied to me and tried to keep this from me to keep me from hurting. I then told her that if she was to her best friend around it would hurt me a lot and that I would prefer if she got rid of her. A day or two later she turned around and told me that her best friend was no longer in love with her and that she cold not do what I asked. All this happened a week before my birthday, when she took me out for my birthday her best friend had found out where we were going and tried to meet her and jus missed us. After a while we eventually broke up but not totally as my girlfriend said she still wanted to be friends with me. Initially we kept as strictly friends only and when we saw one another there were no intimate gestures (kissing etc). Then I went to her place one time and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Yet she still said she wanted us to be officially friends and continue having sex with me without anyone knowing including her best friend. One day I went to meet up with her and she had brought her best friend with her and I noticed a love bite on her neck, when I asked who did that she claimed another one of her friends had forcefully done it and that she was no longer friends with her because of this. I accepted this at the time, eventually one night we were in a hotel room and she ended up having quiet a bit to drink and passing out, again I was left isolated with my paranoid thoughts and once again I went through her mobile phone and I found explicit texts describing sexual fantasies. Once again I confronted my girlfriend of this, my girlfriend claimed that the same friend that had given her a love bite was sending these messages and she did not tell me of these cause she wanted to tell me after my exams and did not want to worry me. After about a week of this incident I went abroad for holiday and when I returned she called me and we got back together, and after a short while she got rid of her best friend because she finally realised her best friend was in love with her, and also her best friend tried to break us up. After about a month of this happening I must have gone onto my girlfriends e-mail account and I found an e-mail from her best friend it was a reply to an e-mail that my girlfriend had sent in which my girlfriend was talking as if nothing had happened and they were still friends. I confronted my girlfriend and she claimed it was her little sister (1 year younger) who had sent the e-mail from her account and was trying to patch things up between my girlfriend and her now "ex" best friend, due to my girl friend's little sister being unaware that my girlfriend’s best friend was in love with her. At this point my girlfriend told her little sister that her best friend was actually in love with her, and told me that she hated me snooping through her things and assured me that nothing of this sort would happen again. Since then she changed her e-mail password and did not tell me, and I’ve been extremely paranoid and jus recently I went through my girlfriends e-mail account by changing her password, using her secret question and answer, and came across and came across another e-mail sent from my girlfriends account which was sent to her best friend after I came across the last e-mail. Yet again I confronted my girlfriend and asked her what was going on, she asked for her new password and then told me to get lost. The next day I called her and she told me that she had enough of me going through her things and that she was not going to give me an explanation and that she did not want to talk to me ever again and that it was over. This is my problem it is as brief as I could possibly make it and I now don't know what to do whether to continue trying to call her or to move on from, I love her and I feel alone but don't know if it is worth continuing with this relationship, please try and reply if possible if need some advice urgently thank you for reading this.
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male
reader, vinny +, writes (18 January 2006):
 hi ya mate.. well im in a similar situation, i met my gf about 7 months ago, we met on a casual dating website and it was just about sex from day one, but we both talked and got on so i started to have feeling for her, now as time went on and we became closer she and i would have conversations about other people we met off the internet, i had my doubts and i wanted to find out the truth.. so i did the stupid thing and read her emails.. i saw that i wasnt the only one she had met for sex, even after she met me she met up with someone and had sex with them.. now when i read this i felt like my world had ended, i cant sleep i cant eat all i wanna do is cry, ive tried talking to her numerous times and were hitting a brick wall.. she feels that it wasnt sumthing i needed to know as it was a mistake that she didnt take any further, but i read so many things that it has started to make me doubt her loyalty to me..
now i dont want this to spoil our relationship as i love her so much and we are definately meant to be together, why i know this is i saw emails saying i have a boyfriend now and so on and so on..
what hurt me was the fact that after i slept with her she had slept with someone else, this is what im finding hard to deal with and cant let me move forward, someone please advise me cos im loosing my mind and i need to know how i can make this work with her as loosing her really isnt a option..
A
female
reader, stacey126 +, writes (10 August 2005):
why did you go out with someone who obviously doesnt have a concern for your feelings. if she was seeing another person male or female she should have told you straight away instead of putting you through this torture. i suggest you move on with your life and find a girl who is willing to tell you her every thought and belief and you to do the same to her. i know its not the nicest thing to hear but you have to get out there and find someone who deserves you
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (9 August 2005):
I think you shoukd try and move on.
Fair enough, it was wrong of you to snoop through her things, but it has revealed to you what you suspected all along- that your girlfriend has been lying to you.
Why should you continue in a relationship where you are lied to and decieved? If your girlfriend was in any doubt about her feelings toward you then she should have ended the relationship.
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A
female
reader, womanlyglory +, writes (8 August 2005):
Plain and simple ... why would you want to continue being with someone who is constantly hiding something from you? It will drive you insane to always wonder and to always have the temptation of snooping through her private things. You're making yourself sick and what kind of a relationship is that? If she couldn't at least have been woman enough to tell you what she was really all about from the beginning then there was no foundation of trust to begin with. You don't need that.
Take the time out for yourself to hurt and cry because that is the beginning of healing. When you are ready to move on to a new relationship, KNOW what your looking for in a woman and then be wise who you're choosing to date. Take it slow and make sure you know the person well. You'll get through this!
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A
female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
I think your girlfriend has told you what she wants and you need to respect that. There has been so many lies and you have broken any trust she would have had in you because you read her email. She seems confused about her sexuality and you need to give her the space to come to terms with it. I know that this is probably not what you wanted to hear but i think you should just walk away.
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