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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello pls pls I need some advice. My b/f of 9 yrs has a strange idea of how you make love to a WOMAN if you know what I'm trying to say, without being crude. It's happened all the way through our relationship and I cant stand it any more. I wonder if he has other tendencies but when I mention it he gets cross. I understand that different men have different likings ie legs, boobs. There really is no one I can ask without being humiliated. He wants it this way ALL the time! I think I want to get out of this relationship but for some men this may be normal.Am I being stupid? Is this too much for dear cupid? lol He puts pressure on me and will use blackmail or guilt trips to get his way and I often get woken up with a shock. Do other men do this? HELP
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): hello....please help me....my boyfriend of a year and 3 months is well...basically over sexed ans wants it all the time....every time he sees me thats all he wants....dont get me wrong i want sex to just not as much as he does!! and i was wondering if anyone knows how or what i can do to get his mind off of sex so much and more on me and just life itself!! i love him with all my heart but to me sex is not the most important part of a relationship and im afraid that he thinks it is!!! please write me back anyone if u know how to help me or know what i can do to fix this=] my e-mail address is [email address blocked] thank you for your time!!!!=]
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): I agree that the most important point is that you should feel under no pressure to do anything you don't want to, otherwise it is indeed rape. But without taking away from the strength of that point, you shouldn't condemn him for wanting it that way. Lots of men both gay and straight enjoy it, and whilst some women do it to please their men, other women geuinely enjoy it. However, if you don't enjoy it you do not have to do it. You really need to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings as that's the only way to have a healthy sex life. Tell him how strongly you feel about it, and don't accuse him. But if he still gets cross then you really have a problem on your hands and I would suggest considering whether he really deserves you at all.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
I agree with Helen05, any sex without your consent is rape and degradation. Other men DONT do this. Get out of this abusive relationship now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2005): Hi. I think your boyfriend needs to respect your wishes. The fact that he keeps badgering you with this request shows he doesn't seem to listen or understand your distaste for it. For the record though, I have had a number of boyfriends who have requested this, its definitely a fantasy that many men have however I have never been blackmailed or put on guilt trips and this seems to be the main problem. It also doesn't necessarily mean he has other tendancies. Try not to worry about it too much but you really need to sit down with him and MAKE him understand how serious this is getting and is affecting you.
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A
female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
Do not stand for this any longer. Penetration into any orifice without consent is Rape. I feel that this is not neccessary a homosexual thing, but a power thing. It inflicts pain and gives you no pleasure. I sense this man is very controlling and dangerous and i think that you should get away.
Sex should be an expression of love, not an ordeal. This man frequently violates you and i cannot be any stronger in saying that you should no longer allow this to happen.
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A
female
reader, mamma +, writes (6 July 2005):
dont let him bully you into this with his silly little guilt trips.Most men like to try out different things but to want to do this ALL the time just isnt normal and its quite obvious your feelings dont come into his thoughts NO MEANS NO.Tell him if thats what he constantly wants then to go find it from someone who will enjoy it better.If he gets cross when you mention hidden tendancies then maybe its because you are nearer the truth than he wants you to be.Go and find someone who wants to treat you right sexually so that YOU feel fully satisfied after sex.
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