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female
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anonymous
writes: I have actually found the love of my life, the man that I want to marry. I would die for him,. My problem is that I do have respect for him but not completely. I get angry with him and can be very nasty in arguments and say hurtful things deliberatly even if i don't actually feel this way. I don't speak to anyone else the way that I speak to him and I feel totally disgusted with myself. please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mindy +, writes (19 May 2006):
I do the exact same things...its not even our fault.In my opinion, we'd die for these people, stare at them forever, totally in love - and at times when we want them around they go somewhere else, they say the wrong things!! its human. Our problem is we are dangerously in love - not to sound stupid but its true!! No cure either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2006): I am in the same boat as the person who writes this. I am so hurt by my boyfriend that I lash out at him too. I dont understand why I do it. I do love him, but he plays a lot of games. I dont know how to recover.
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
I think you should tell him how you feel. We all say things we don't mean in arguments but we can all apologise.
It is true that we hurt the ones we love the most. we feel able to say horrible things to the ones we care about because we know that they will forgive us, but please do not make the mistake of taking him for granted.
I'm guessing that you have a lot of anger inside. I think you need to deal with this through counselling. Learn how to control your temper and cherish those close to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005): You do realize that a loving relationship consists of utmost respect for each other..loving, supporting, encouraging and acceptance are crucial. You really have no right to treat him like this. Are you trying to "push" him away, out of your life for good? I think you have some emotional baggage/anger issues from your past that may be
affecting your life with him. Please go talk to counslor and try to figure out "why" you do this to him. It's not fair to him at all.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (8 August 2005):
 HappyTimeHarry is right when he says that your hurtful comments are really a cover up for something else and it is this that you need to find out.
To stop hurting your partner, next time you feel an argument coming on, walk away no matter how hard it is for you to do that. Let him know what you are doing and explain to him how you want to stop yourself from being nasty to him. Hopefully, he will give you encouragement and support.
I'm not suggesting that you getting angry is justified but I wonder what it is about your partner that makes you angry? Is it something that he says? The way he behaves? Perhaps it isn't anything significant at all but you still find it hard to manage your temper?
You need to sit down with him and discuss this; explore the reasons for your outbursts. Are you frightened of losing him? Are you testing him to see how far you can push him before he's had enough? Have you been hurt before in the past?
If you both talk through the problems together, then you can come to a solution but I believe it will take both of you working at the relationship rather than just you yourself.
In the meantime, try to learn new relaxation techniques so that when you feel a rage building, you can implement deep breathing, positive thoughts and other calming procedures to help you cope. Write down what it is that made you so angry if it happens again so that is paramount in your mind for a later discussion with your partner.
I hope this helps.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
Often, we take out our anger on the ones we love the most. Perhaps you are subconciously 'testing' his commitment to you by trying to drive him away?
Is it just because hes there that you take out your anger on him?
You need to think about why you do this and slow down your thoughts and reactions in arguments so that you dont say things you dont mean.
Tell him you realise you are doing this and want to stop.
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reader, pops +, writes (8 August 2005):
No relationship goes far without 100% trust by both parties for each other. If I were him, You would be seeing my dust! Get to the bottom of your anger, and your lack of respect. Then get counseling for anger management, and to learn how to talk to Mr. Right about whatever it is makes you disrespect him. If you can't do this, then walk away. If you really care for this guy, you would not do what you are doing.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (8 August 2005):
Is it just a bad temper, or something more? Anger is an emotion by itself, but it's also a filler. By that I mean that we use anger as a substitute for other emotions, like jealousy, fear, doubt... all of these are forms of pain. Easier to get pissed and burn out than deal with what's inside. You say you don't mean to say all this cuz you love the guy and I believe you, so I think maybe you need to follow the hurt and find out what's making you go off like this. When you fight, and you will, it's part of any relationship, stand your ground on what you think. But as soon as it starts gettin nasty, break off the talk and chill out for awhile. Just leave. If you can do this you won't end up saying things you'll regret. And if you still wanna say em, you can rip the wall a new one instead of your man :)
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