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male
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*hudd172
writes: I have been seeing a girl for 3 months and have fallen deeply in love, but she has a lot of problems. She has said that she wants to be with me but can't get her head around it at the minute and to give her some space. This is driving me insane as I get the impression she is not bothered. What to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
I would be backing off if a man said he was madly in love with me after 3 months too! Give her some space and give yourself some too. Things are moving very fast and she probably needs some time to get used to things. People who have problems often see this kind of accellerated closeness as a threat and she is probably wondering if you are genuine. Show her that you are by giving her some space and being there for her when she is ready to be with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2005): You know her best, so use your own powerful intuition to judge the truth. She may genuinely feel the need for a break at the moment but not necessarily a break-up! Couldn’t you just ask her straight out? It is not her job to reassure you but you need to know your own worth and not be afraid to risk being honest and vulnerable. You need to know where you stand. Ask her directly..if she wants to break up or just take a "time out" from each other. Lots of couples take breaks and find their way back to each other eventually. Others don't, one doesn't know or can predict what will happen..it's a big risk
If you think she may want a break up and she’s trying to ease you out painlessly, tell her you’d tell her you’d rather be told straight out..no beating around the bush. If not, trust her to come back when she’s ready. You can’t force someone to be honest or tell you what you want to hear. Either you have a real relationship or you don’t. Has it occurred to you that your fear of losing her is causing the very tension that she seeks a break from? Back off a little and don’t focus on getting dumped or hurt. If you really love her, you will think about what she needs while looking after your own interests. You sound expectant of being a victim and unfortunately, our expectations often create our lives to go awry. So try to think more positively and take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, auntiebunny +, writes (1 August 2005):
 I know it's hard but if she says she wants space you should probably do what the girl says! If you appear to be waiting there for the second she decides she does want you it'll be easier for her to mess you around. I wouldn't exactly suggest you act hard to get, but staying out of her way for a while might make her realise what she's missing and in turn she'll probably try harder to combat her problems in order to be with you.
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