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male
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*oss mcgowan
writes: Right, here it goes.... I have found the love of my life, which I'm sure of. I am not slacking on thinking of spending the rest of my life with the person. I am not one of these guys who want to have a good time or whatever. What I think is that it is great I have met the person I love so much. To support the fact I'm in love... I'm not scared to say it, I'm willing to wait until she is ready for sex. I do not care about dressing up for other girls, I ask her on opinions on the way I look etc. and I'm not a stupid person so I'm quite happy with my decision but.... one thing. Although she states she is happy with our relationship at present I am worried about her. She doesnt believe this coz her ex best pal says I rule her, which I don't. I care about her. It's hard to get that to her and em well .. I think she hangs about with the wrong people and I need help on how to get through to her about it coz I do care for her... Please help. I know it's a rubbish question, but it is really bothering me at present.. help lol
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
I think that telling her who she should hang about with is controlling and "ruling" her. Your girlfriend has the right to be friends with whoever she choses. Why do you not like these friends? are they a bit too close to the truth?
A healthy relationship should contain time for both of your friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005): You can't mess with your girlfriend's posse of friends, guy. Love 'em or hate 'em, if you care about her, you'll have to get along with her friends (okay, at least try). The last thing you need is her friends convincing her that she can do better.
If you have a legitimate reason for disliking them, or even better, they don't have a legitimate reason for disliking you, tell your girlfriend that you will be civil when you see them, but you'd rather spend time with her- and you'll gladly give her the time to bond with her friends on her own time. Never try to isolate your gf from her friends! That is going over the boundries into controlling, abusive behaviours and if you are doing this...stop and seek some help to find out why you are doing this.
Tell your girlfriend that you would like to hang with her friends because they're so important to her. Think about it: wouldn't you like it if your lady wanted to spend time with you and your friends, even if that meant playing pool and chugging beer? Of course, everyone needs their space, but it's always a good idea to join each other's group of friends once in a while.
Suggesting a night out with her friends is also a great way to prove that you're not a threat to them, and that you want to be familiar with that part of her life. Anything from dinner with her friends and their respective dates to a get-together at your place with your lady and her closest friends can work wonders, and score you some much-deserved bonus points in the process.
It happens to the best of us: you don't like your girlfriend's friends. It's not the ideal situation but it's possible, and it's important to remember that you're going out with your girlfriend, not her friends. Do not badmouth them or insult them, do not involve your girlfriend, and do not be rude to them if you happen to see them. Simply try to separate your relationship from her friendships, and suck up whatever dislike you feel during important events of your girlfriend's, like her birthday or other friend gatherings.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (8 August 2005):
 It is not your job to get through to her. If you love her, just relax and let her make her choices. You don't have to hang out with them but, the way your going, she will eventually have to choose between you and ALL of her friends.
You gave no reason nor goal for isolating her, save getting her to agree that her judgement is wrong and to get her to leave her entire support structure so she would have only you.
I really don't see why you want her to think her judgement is bad and I really can't see how you could love someone who can't think well enough to even be trusted with making friends.
Have you thought about what happens when she has no one but you to turn to ... other than you would win the struggle for her soul. Why isolate her unless you were controlling and abusive which we have your word you are not?
If the friends sat around smoking pot all day and never got jobs and complained that you were trying to destroy her friendships with them all day, so what?
If I were her friends, I would agree that you sound dangerous. It is not only controlling but disrespectful to assume that you know more what is better for her than she does. She can make her own choices, right? Because if she truly is that impared you need to cool your heels and decide between leaving her for someone as good as you, or learn that keeping your mouth shut and just listen if she needs to talk these are the only real honerable choices you have.
I worry for her too. This is the abuse that keeps on giving.
You know what you are doing. So why are you so selfish? Do you think you are not good enough for them? Why not go to her closest friends and talk about it say sorry and act like she got thru to you. Say that you were worried becuase you misunderstood her a while back. Say that of course you like any one she does and beg for another chance to wipe the slate clean. Very good guys enlist the help of her friends in an effort to make her safe, secure and happy.
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female
reader, StonePrincess +, writes (8 August 2005):
 You're not controling, but concerned. Just let her know you can't make her stop, but you're worried that if she doesn't she'll end up making mistakes based on some her friends are making. Let her know you're doing it because you love her and only want to see the best for her. She might get upset about the fact you think her friends are doing bad things, but tell her you're not judging them , but don't want to see her follow suit with the mistakes they're making, you want the best for her. If anything ask to hang out with her with them so you can make sure she's safe, and it will tell her you're willing to at least try to know the crowd before judgement, she would appreciate this.
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