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male
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anonymous
writes: Right, let me explain my situation;I'm 17, living in England, and never had girlfriend. Up until the last year or so of course I've been interested, though this hasn't really bothered me, but since I went to college and met friends that have/had gfs it's started to get me down. Now I don't really meet girls much at all - I'm not old enough to (legally) go into nightclubs etc and so the only ways I could would either be through college or intrductions through friends. I've been introduced to pretty much everyone my friends know at parties etc so that's a no-goer and there really aren't that many girls at college who I haven't already met.I wouldn't call myself stunningly good looking at all, but then I don't feel I'm that bad either, and I'm perfectly confident/happy with my appearance. I also have NO problem going and speaking to people of any gender, I'm pretty outgoing and definately not shy. The problem I have is that the only place for me to meet someone is in a public place, such as city centre/cinema etc etc - which means they'll be a complete stranger. I'll quite happily go up ask a girl out even if she's with a group of mates cos I can take a 'no' and the worst that can happen is she laughs in my face right?The only thing stopping me is I don't know what to SAY when I get there. "Hey, nice weather, can I have your number?" just doesn't seem to quite say it. and "will you go out with me?" sounds like something two 11yr olds would say to each other. Do I make conversation? Try to get to know her as a friend first? And how? Or do I get straight to the point and just ask her if she wants to meet up sometime, at the risk of being too forward sounding. It's not like I'm lacking confidence or owt (NOT arrogance) - in the past week alone I've been walking through town and at least 3 times a girl/group of girls have made it blatently obvious that that like me only for me not to act on it and be left banging my head against the wall afterwards for not going and speaking to them.Can anybody help me out? I don't want to be told something like "don't just look for a g/f for the sake of having one" because this isn't what it's about.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008):
i reckon face-face isnt always the best way. u feel a lot more calmer if its over msn or email or text but then you hav the problem of getting their phone number, emaila ddress etc. but what u can try is ask their friends for it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): ^^^ above comment is correct juzz chyllin and wait a lil bit..if your young then theres no rush...she'll come your way so0n...and when she does you'll know lol.
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A
female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
go out, talk to people, be friendly and just ask! Have something ready - Ive got tickets to...I want to try this resteraunt... theres a new bar open...would you like to come with me? As you say, they can only say no...
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
You sound like youve got your head screwed on! :)
as far as what to say to ask someone out, why not just go up and say "excuse me, whats your name? Im....."
when she tells you all you have to say is "would you like to go out for a drink/to the cinema/etc sometime?" if she says yes, take her number, tell her youll call and say goodbye.
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female
reader, bigsister +, writes (7 August 2005):
If all these girls are flirting with you and keep coming back for more, it's time to ask one of them to go to a movie, fly a kite, skating or whatever first date you'd like to do. They are putting out signals, you are interested, and it's a heck of a lot healthier than a pickup in a nightclub, that's a whole nuther thing.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 First of all, there's nothing "only" about meeting girls (and possible girlfriends) through friends. At least your friends know who you are and what kind of girl you're likely to get along with, therefore the type of girl you might possibly be interested in!
That far beats a nightclub atmosphere, where you not only have to contend with strangers posing in whatever way they think will impress members of the opposite sex, but posing strangers who are affected by poor lighting, alcohol and who can't hear you clearly you through the throbbing noise.
I'm not sure I could select a box of cereal under those conditions, much less a caring significant other. So I'd accept an introduction through a friend any day!
It's good that you're not shy and that you're realistic about asking girls out, as well as accepting that the worst-case result is just going to be a "no thanks". You're on the high road already. Keep up the good work.
What you say to a girl depends on the circumstances under which you've met her. You only need to make a small effort to try to find some common ground for discussion. To a young woman you smile at from time to time on the bus, it might be, "I've noticed you on this bus a few times on my way to classes. Do you go to the uni, too?" To the group you saw in town who seemed interested, you might have asked "Hi, ladies. I'm Sam. What are you girls up to tonight?" Listen to their replies, ask them some more questions about the answers and you're on your way to conversation. From there it's not such a huge leap to "I'd like to talk to you some more. Can I get your number?"
Naturally, body language says volumes more than words, so it's important that you look friendly and not rush in too close, but within a few seconds you'll get a feeling on whether the girl is interested enough in talking that she might want to give you her number a bit later.
If a girl that you're speaking to moves away or looks uncomfortable, that's you cue to back right off. But if she smiles, makes eye contact, or seems like she wants to keep the conversation going, just keep asking questions. This is where it's so good to have an introduction through a friend, because it gives you something you both have in common straightaway.
Don't worry too much is the conversation starts to flag a bit. That's a common occurance when people are getting to know each other, and not related to any success or failure with members of the other sex.
You're obviously a bright young man with diverse interests and you're doing just about everything right already, so in truth, you're miles ahead of the competition. :) Don't be discouraged; it does get easier with practice.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (7 August 2005):
I've never been good at making calls on whether a girl that's a stranger in a club, bar, restaurant, store or whatever likes me or not. So I understand the pretense. I've found the best thing to do is engage yourself with the girl somehow. If you're at a pub, ask if they want to shoot a game of pool or billiards or whatever it's called (I'm American, I don't know any better :) If you're at an arcade, ask a girl to play a game with you (air hockey is the best game for this, because you can let her win without any humiliation). If you're at a fair, ask if they wanna ride a ride with you. You get the picture. Helps a lot to have something to do other than try to strike up a convo with a forced line and go from there. It's tough to just walk up and talk and come away with anything, but if you can do something lighthearted and fun from the start it'll ease the tension. If she seems to be having fun you know she likes you enough that you can get the nerve to ask her out and if she says no it won't be as bad. I know this won't work in a lot of situations, though, but I thought I'd give you my take on it. I know some other people will have some other ideas to help you. If you get introduced by a friend, ask about how she knows your mutual friend. It helps A LOT to have any kind of common ground to go on. I don't know how to hook up with a girl by walking up and talking to her, so I won't even try to advise you on that.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 Hi, take your time with this. Thing is ...it is when we are not looking for something that it appears. Relax and enjoy life for a bit...you are young still...she will appear believe me. Just hang out with your mates. So what if they have girlfriends now and you don't...your time will come...just don't rush. Think of this...when you go speeding you crash...slow your role a bit...ana
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