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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I would like some advice on a secret which I have kept for the past 2 years which is killing me.I used to work as prostitute briefly for 3 months, where I live. I was forced into it because I had been beaten up and left home and had no money, but now I regret it even though if I didn't do it, I dont think I'd be here. As soon as I could I left the job for a proper one.I still struggle as it is but at least I now have a normal life.Now, I am in a relationship with a guy and he says he really likes me but I'm afraid if he finds out what I used to do, my life will be ruined and he will hate me.This is totally stressing me out because I feel dirty and low... what should I do?thanks,Emma, 19
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2005): There is an old saying, “We are only as sick as the secrets we keep.” You have been carrying this secret inside of your heart for many years. A long term secret
such as this will just create an enormous emotional wound in you, eventually and you need to come clean about it. The shame and guilt you experienced will keep contributing to that wound. These feelings may be preventing you from reaching out to your b/f for the acceptance you need.
You are not bad. You are not dirty. Believe in you..you made a mistake so many years ago but you moved away from that phase of your life. You got out..you went on to find a good person who cares for you. I’m proud of you--you transcended enough of your shame to feel you deserved a wonderful boyfriend, and you found him! Now, you’re ready for your next step--to trust your b/f enough to know he will begin to love you in spite of your past.
I know it’s very frightening to think of letting your b/f into that dark room inside your heart. Once he understands what you’ve been going through, he can offer you the support and strength you need to conquer this. And herein lies the key to your true healing--trusting a man who won’t let you down will allow that part of you to open up again. It's a big risk but if you feel he can handle the truth and cares for you deeply...please tell him.
A
female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
I think the decision you have to make is whether this is a secret you think you can keep without having to worry every day. You will always be wondering if someone will tell him or he finds out. that is not a comfortable life for you and your tension will be apparent. I beleive that the hardest thing to forgive is deception and lies. Be honest and if he can't handle the truth then look for someone who can. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2005): Emma, this is a difficult decision for you. Sometimes we need to come clean with our past lives and tell the people we love, that we made mistakes. Further explain how you've moved on and left that dark period totally behind you. It's a huge risk, but I think you should tell him. He has a right to know that you were a prostitute...that's a pretty big secret. Starting this relationship on an honest footing will ease your conscience and it will tell him, you are someone to be trusted and believed in this relationship with him. If you don't tell him..and he finds out in the future from someone else, he could be devastated that you didn't tell him yourself and he will doubt "everything" about his relationship with you. he will wonder what else you haven't told him. If your relationship is strong, loving and honest-he will not judge you. Explain it was a difficult time of your life where you made a regretful decsion simply for the sake of survival. Good luck
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 August 2005):
Do you want to tell him? If not, then there is no reason why he should find out.
If you believe that there is a good chance he will find out about your past then perhaps it would be better for you to tell him first - before he finds out second hand- and explain your reasons for doing it at the time.
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