My girlfriend's sexual abuse still haunts her when we start getting intimate...
Q. Sorry to bother, but I am starting to wonder what I can do to better please my girlfriend. We are both 18 and have been going out for 6 months, but only started having sex recently. She was abused as a child, and the feelings still haunt her. J...
A. 8 September 2005: Your woman is getting pleasure out of sex but you feel she needs to get more, I know that you are thinking of her, but there is a selfish ring to what you say, (I don't mean any offence), think of sex as a way of healing your woman. Everthing, ... (read in full...)
I'm perfectly happy with my own company and no relationships. Am I strange?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am an adult guy and quite enjoy being in company of my own. Actually, the times in solitude are some of the most relaxing times for me. I have been like this for ages. But now that I am becoming free and can earn my own bread, I don...
A. 8 September 2005: This is more about how you feel than how you think. You can't reason with feelings. They just are, there is no right or wrong. I know of a story in which the man is a confirmed batchelor until he is 31 and then meets the love of his life, a 20 year ... (read in full...)
A friend of ours was secretly meeting up with my partner. Now I can't get over the betrayal!
Q. Please help - I really need an outsiders objective! I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend (29) for 5 years. We used to have a brilliant relationship - I used to feel so loved and safe and like nothing could come between us. How wrong was I!! ...
A. 8 September 2005: In a way I would say that maybe you are in bit of denial. You know you have been betrayed yet you have'nt really gone through the motions. You need to unstick yourself somehow. Give yourself a jolt or else something else will. After you have been ... (read in full...)
We're expecting a baby in December, but my man disrespects me and says f*ck you!
Q. I am in a nice relationship and we are expecting a baby in December - we are great friends and things are fine mostly. However there have been a few occassions that he swears at me - saying F You and disrespecting etc, when I explain that this is ...
A. 8 September 2005: Congratulations on your pregnancy. You are so right he has no right to talk to you that way and at the very least needs to apologise for his behavior when he has cooled down. Stay away from ultimatums as the rarely achieve anything. Find your mans ... (read in full...)
My fiance won't stand up to his family, who treat me terribly!
Q. I recently got engaged to the man I have been seeing for the last year and a half. I thought things would be wonderful but I soon found myself diappointed. His family has never liked me from the get go. They are European and since I am not, ...
A. 8 September 2005: I agree with Bev, he will not change. He sounds like a mummys boy and believe me they make the very worst husbands. You have the power of chice here, don't put up with it for a moment longer, imagine how much more trapped you would feel if you were ... (read in full...)
Can I win back the husband who's fallen in love with another woman?
Q. I have been with my husband for 6 years and we have generally had a happy marriage. Last night he told me he doesn't love me anymore and is in love with one of our mutual friends. He has agreed to try some counselling but says he can't continue our ...
A. 8 September 2005: You must be feeling so hurt after what your husband has told you. I agree with Irish, find out ways of raising your self esteem do what ever it takes. Get strong, get independant. If your husband wants to win YOU back after dropping that bomb then ... (read in full...)
I'm terrible at oral sex, but I want to get better at it!
Q. I can't seem to get comfortable with giving oral sex to my partner. Actually it has happened with the only two sexual partners I've been with. I can't seem to pleasure them. I'm uncomfortable because I'm inexperienced and when I do try, I'm ...
A. 8 September 2005: I don't think pops missed anything in terms of giving a guy pleasure but remember to make the guy wear a condom if he is not your steady partner. I would stay away from rimming also unless as I say you know the guy is safe ie tested for HIV and ... (read in full...)
Why would he rather spend time with his female friends than with me?
Q. How can you really tell if someone is in to you? How can you tell if they are holding back or keeping distance because of them and not you? For example....The guy that I have been seeing now for a couple of months is great. We talk every day, ...
A. 8 September 2005: My mother used to say to me and my brothers if we started getting really serious about one particular guy or girl when we were young. "Play the field". That meant keep your options open, don't get too hung up on one person, have fun and be yourself. ... (read in full...)
Those long, blonde hairs around the house aren't mine... so whose are they?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a great guy for just over 9 months. He is often out working around the city we live in. We hardly ever have sex although I have pretty much adjusted to that. However recently I have found several long blond ha...
A. 8 September 2005: I think that you need more to go on than a couple of long blond hairs, are there any other signs that he is cheating on you.
1.Suspicious Computer Activity
These days, it's easy to meet men in chat rooms, forums or on instant messenger. H... (read in full...)
Why is another girl's g-string in my boyfriend's bed?
Q. I recently got back with my ex after a couple of years. I have only stayed at his house twice, but both times when I woke up in the morning (and he was in the shower) there was a g-string in his bed where he had been sleeping!! Now I do know tha...
A. 8 September 2005: How well do you know this guy? Well enough to ask "hey is this your g-string? If you are having sex with him its cool to ask a question like that! The other possibility is that maybe she left it behind after she stayed the night! He is the only ... (read in full...)
Before I had friends and my own life, I was needy around him. Now I'm settled, how can I get him back?
Q. I hope someone can help. I recently moved from england to the US. I love to travel and wanted a change of scene but also wanted to be with an American man I had met 18 months before. He had agreed to me coming to stay with him for a while to see ...
A. 8 September 2005: Your intuition is telling you he might be still interested, if you weren't so needy. You might be right about that. The fact that he calls you for no good reason might mean that he is testng the waters and maybe he is plucking up the courage to ask ... (read in full...)
Help - have problems controlling my sexual desires in public!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have problems controlling my sexual desires in public. I sometimes get an erection even when i am talking to a girl at work place. I look out for opportunities to flirt at work and try to build some sort of connection like ...
A. 8 September 2005: You need to sort out your priorities, it seems as if you are not really focusing on your work as it is now, maybe if you got a steady girlfriend you would be able to satisfy your normal male desires while outside of work hours and then put your head ... (read in full...)
If my parents knew I'm in love with another man, they'd be devastated!
Q. Dear Aunt Agony Irish49/Bev Conolly/anybody!!! I'm in need of help. I love this guy and we want to be together forever. I know my family will have a complete fit if i tell them and definately break their hearts causing it to never be fixed again b...
A. 7 September 2005: You are a loving son and that much is certain. If your parents love you which I am hoping they do, all they will want is for you to be happy. When you are happy they will be too. There are parents who cannot accept if their child is gay but there ... (read in full...)
My 23-year-old boyfriend wants to retire... now!
Q. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23. He has recently been talking about retirement and pensions and says he wants to retire NOW. I can't understand why he is in such a rush to retire... and, retired at 23?? It sounds odd that someone would want to re...
A. 7 September 2005: Hi Claire,
What problems are you going to have if you stay with a guy who does not want to work to earn a living? Are his parents rich, has he got lots of money saved up or has he decided he is going to sponge off other people for the rest of ... (read in full...)
My 23-year-old boyfriend wants to retire... now!
Q. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23. He has recently been talking about retirement and pensions and says he wants to retire NOW. I can't understand why he is in such a rush to retire... and, retired at 23?? It sounds odd that someone would want to re...
A. 7 September 2005: Hi Claire,
What problems are you going to have if you stay with a guy who does not want to work to earn a living? Are his parents rich, has he got lots of money saved up or has he decided he is going to sponge off other people for the rest of ... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend... with pics of Justin Timberlake!
Q. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 25. When I went to visit him at his home one day, and caught him masturbating over pictures of Justin Timberlake on his computer and felt so disgusted. I asked him outright if he was gay, and he said no, and when I ...
A. 7 September 2005: Have you ever seen the episode of friends when Monica walks in on Chandler to surprise him and finds him masturbating, he panics as she walks in and flicks over the tv channel to a shark documentary, Monica phones Rachel from the bathroom in the ... (read in full...)
We had to stop when we tried intercourse. It just hurt too much!
Q. Me and my boyfriend just tried to have intercourse for the first time tonight. Technically I am still a virgin. He is not. We couldn't. Not for lack of wanting to, but because it hurt so bad I had to make him stop. Now I get a burning sensation when ...
A. 7 September 2005: The burning is probably just from irritation caused to the delicate tissue of the vagina from not being luricated enough. I don't mean any offence to your boyfriend but just because he has done it before does not make him an expert. Some boys think ... (read in full...)
We had sex and forgot the condom!
Q. Hi I'm a 14 year old boy and I've been with my girlfriend (who is 16 in October) for 3 months now and it's been great. We get on very well and I really do think we can and will last, but our parents are against us. No reason, just don't like it, so ...
A. 7 September 2005: You are not the only one that this has happened to and if the truth be known sex does feel better with out a condom so it is easy to forget. Too easy! If it wasn't there wouldn't be half the people in the world that there are. By the way there are ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I want to move on... but how do I forget my feelings?
Q. Dear Cupid, My fiance broke up with me a month ago and I'm still in shock over it. We were deeply in love. She would say all the time how she couldn't wait for us to be married and living together. I wanted to be with her in all eternity but now...
A. 7 September 2005: You are heartbroken, its hurts so much you want to die, you love her, love her, love her. You are trying to push away your feelings because they are hurting so much. But you must think of her, you must live every day that you and she spent together ... (read in full...)
I fancy my mate's brother, but everyone knows I also fancy another boy...
Q. I'm a 14 year old girl and in the 6 weeks holidays I started hanging round with a group of 16 year old boys. I started to fancy one boy. They all knew about it, including him, and the flirting went on for a month. Then eventually I asked him out. He ...
A. 7 September 2005: You are great, you have plenty of back bone and you're not a bit afraid to go after what you want. Your confidence must have been a bit shaken when the first boy said no. Give yourself a bit of time to build up your confidence again. Then when it ... (read in full...)
My friends say to forget about my ex, but I want to know why we drifted apart!
Q. Dear cupid, I have just split up with my boyfriend, whom I've been with for 8 weeks, and we are still very good friends. But one of the reasons I broke up with him was because of one of my previous relationships, 'ex', that I had 12 weeks ago. ...
A. 7 September 2005: You owe it to your self to breakup with your ex properly, he may never be able to tell you why you drifted apart sometimes people don't know. But until you find closure it may take you ages to move on and love again. It sound like you're a cool ... (read in full...)
I can't believe that I let my lie get this far!
Q. Please help! I have a huge dilemma! I am at risk of getting caught in a huge lie I told to my boyfriend (we are in a serious relationship). Background: I suspected my boyfriend had cheated on me and found a possibly incriminating text messa...
A. 7 September 2005: Tell him, yes. Butter him up first though, cook him his favourite supper, bake him a cake, buy him his favourite cd or game, then tell him. Tell him you're so sorry! Then stand and accept his anger when it comes. He might be in shock at first but ... (read in full...)
I trusted my boyfriend not to cheat. Now I'm not so sure and I'm miserable!
Q. I believed it was a very good relationship, but I wanted to him to propose and didn't feel he was sure enough to do so. I told him, I wasn't going to wait longer than 3 years and he promised me he would propose on our 3 year anniversary. This is my ...
A. 7 September 2005: I would advise you to make friends, he obviously thinks the world of you. You said he might have fears, well sometimes we can unconsciously create situations that will prevent us from having to do the thing we know we are afraid of. You have found ... (read in full...)
She seems to be backing away from our relationship. What do I do?
Q. Hello all. OK check this out. I met this girl online just over a month ago. She's called Jane and she's really nice. She goes to church on a weekend and her family are great and they all like me lol. Now she has just come out of a relation...
A. 7 September 2005: You know yourself that backing off would do the trick, you might lose her if you don't do it. You could do it really openly not like playin a game or anything, and tell her that it seems like she needs more time after splittin with her ex and that ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cries... And cries... And cries...
Q. i think my girlfrend crys too much, i want to have more sympathy but i find it hard. I realised that my sympathy ran out when she was crying because she was ill and she 'dident have time to be ill'. Surely no one has time to be ill? and crying will ...
A. 7 September 2005: Your girlfriend sounds like an emotional and sensitive girl, some women may not agree with me but women in general cry, they cry when they don't feel well, they cry when they are sad, they cry when they watch sad movies, they cry during rows, they ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid after my dream about my sometimes violent fiancee?
Q. i am about to get married and last night I had a dream that i was confronted by a woman who had sexual relations with my fiance recently. I know it is my subconscious going crazy but it has brought up issues from our lengthy relationship where many ...
A. 7 September 2005: You are not being paranoid. You say your boyfriend is sweet and kind but kind people don't get violent if questioned, Guilty people do. Your unconscious mind was giving you are very clear message to take heed of it may prevent you from making the ... (read in full...)
I can only orgasm with a vibrator: Is this physical or psychological?
Q. Im 22 and I can only orgasm using a vibrator, I don't know wether this is a physical or psycological or physical problem, My boyfriend is very understanding and we have tried all different positions but it doesnt help. I was abused when I was 7 but ...
A. 7 September 2005: If you can orgasm using a vibrator while your boyfriend is there kissing or touching you. Try bringing yourself to orgasm on your own first but just using your hand. Could it be that the vibrating of the vibrator may have desensitsed you slightly. ... (read in full...)
My husband wants a child of his own. Could he donate sperm to our friends?
Q. Dear Abby, I moved in with my 4th husband just 3 days after meeting him. We were married 2 years later and married 8 yrs this May. We have lived together 10 years, and I have never regretted a day of it. He is the love of my life and I would...
A. 7 September 2005: I don't think you are being selfish at all. I think you are being sensible. This is something that you do not enter into lightly. These friends would not make a good choice, for all the reasons you suggested. You could arrange for someone else to do ... (read in full...)
Now that my wife is finally ready to have a child, my feelings for her have moved on...
Q. Ok, need some help here. Married for 14 years, no kids. I've always wanted children, but she just kept saying she wasn't ready, and she worked on her career. I've never really felt we've connected, and it's becoming more obvious to me as the ...
A. 7 September 2005: Even when we feel over the moon head over heels in love with someone, these feelings always level out. Being interested in someone new can also make us compare our spouse and our marriage with how we feel around this new exiting person. Our spouses ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has stopped sending me affectionate texts...
Q. I have this girlfriend for less than a year. Intially we were very loving towards each other. Every morning we will wake each other up, call and check how each other is doing, as and when, message each other with those sweet heartening words. T...
A. 7 September 2005: I'm sorry to say it seems as if her affection for you may indeed be waning. Trying too hard could make her back away even further. Try easing off for a while on the romamtic texts and ask her how she is doing in a more matter of fact way. Just be ... (read in full...)
A jealous friend is spreading terrible rumours and now everyone hates me!
Q. I have had a girlfriend for about 3 months now and everything is perfect! Communication, affection, whatever you can name is perfect. There is just one problem that isn't either of our faults, and that is her friend. Her friend got very jealous and ...
A. 7 September 2005: Although everyday seems like a lifetime when you are in this situation I think that the truth will win out in the end. If your girlfriend threatened to not be friends with this trouble maker if she did not take back all she said well then she needs ... (read in full...)
How do I persuade my family to give my boyfriend another chance?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a boyfriend who got me pregnant but promised me to acknowledge the baby when it came, but suddenly he changed his mind. My father was mad and decided to keep the baby and me away from him. Now he regrets his choice and asked for ...
A. 7 September 2005: Your parents have yours' and the babys' best interest at heart and are afraid that this guy will let you both down again. If the boy is really serious then it should not be a problem to save or work to earn a small amount of money and send some to ... (read in full...)
I sent some SMSs in the heat of the moment. Now I'm sorry, but he won't listen!
Q. Dear Cupid My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other (long distance relationship of 600kms) for a year. We are both divorced mine being 3 years and his being 1 year. We met unexpectantly and we had feelings for each other right fr...
A. 7 September 2005: Give it some more time. I know that is hard. From his point of view I would say that one angry woman is enough to deal with. His ex wife seems to be fullfilling that role nicely. I'm sure he hears you are sorry but he probably got a look a your bad ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is in trouble, but I want to fix it. Can it be saved?
Q. My relationship with my girlfriend is going bad to the point we will most likely break up. I want to fix it, but she does not seem like she wants to. Can it still be fixed?...
A. 7 September 2005: It depends on why your relationship is breaking up. If it's because of something you did that you can really put your finger on then I would say that over time you could make it up to her. If you can't seem to pin point whats wrong then it would be ... (read in full...)
It's wearing my boyfriend out, dividing his time between me and his son!
Q. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. He is very nice and says he loves me. I also love him. The problem him being 58 and has a 16 year old son. I am 50 with no children and dependents at home. He says he did not think that he would...
A. 6 September 2005: Of course there is a chance for you. It is still early days and I feel you are just fine tuning things. Getting to know somebody new can be very exiting but it can be a rollercoaster ride at times. Getting the balance right is hard. When children ... (read in full...)
Has my interest in romantic movies ruined my chances of a happy relationship!?
Q. Dear Cupid, There is this weird thought that makes me constantly question the relationship between a guy and a girl. I am an adult guy who has had a few flings but that's all. I never sustained a relationship with a girl for the fear of getting ...
A. 6 September 2005: You have the best intentions really, nobody can blame you for wanting a fairy tale life. In real life though there is good and bad in everyone. Its like night and day. Every single person on this great earth has a light side and a shadow side. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has written me out of her life...and she says there's no chance of changing her mind.
Q. Dear Cupid I have been going out with a great girl for just over three years, but she has decided that she doesnt want to be part of this relationship any more, and she has ended it during a disagreemen we had about something very minor. From ...
A. 6 September 2005: I am so sorry that your heart has been broken like this. It must have been an awful shock as it sems you didn't see it comming. Nothing anybody says is going to stop you feeling the hurt you feel. Usually when two people have an arument and split up ... (read in full...)
There are 10 years between us. It feels like too big a gap!
Q. I'm 15 years old and have been involved with a guy, we'll call him Joey, who just turned 25 for the past few months. To me, 10 years is a huge difference and really strange. With any other guy of his age I'd have nothing to do with him. But this...
A. 5 September 2005: You sound really mature for 15 years, it's really good that you are thinking so reasonably about this. A lot of girls and women and men would just dive in at the deep end without even looking. Well done! On age difference, I would say that age is ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him, since he doesn't care about my feelings?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and now he is saying that he wants to go back to just dating. We where almost living together when he decided this. Now he went away for the weekend with friends and I didn't hear form him...
A. 5 September 2005: Sometimes guys can be impossible and drive us crazy. I've worked out an important thing about them though, they can act like they are so in love with us one day and then be so distant we think we have done something wrong. I've learned that if we ... (read in full...)
The boy I want now has other girls that he "loves", besides me!
Q. Help, I'm going crazy! There is this boy. I like him, I really really like him, he makes me feel like no other person has ever the feeling is indescribable, I think it's love. I went out with him once, but we split up because he fancied another g...
A. 5 September 2005: You fancy this guy so much he's all you can think about, he is hurting you but you still want him. I know how strong that feeling is with you, I can feel it as I read your words. What is comming across as well is a girl who does not love herself ... (read in full...)
I think sex is disgusting. Can I still find a proper relationship?
Q. Hi I'm 16. I think that sex is disgusting and I'm not to keen on kissing either. Am I the only one and is there any chance of me finding a proper relationship? help and thanks...
A. 5 September 2005: When you think of kissing another person it just creeps you out to think of all those germs, and sex just seems to be about putting parts of our bodies together that we use for getting rid of waste. If thats all there was to sex and kissing the ... (read in full...)
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