| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help! I have a huge dilemma! I am at risk of getting caught in a huge lie I told to my boyfriend (we are in a serious relationship). Background: I suspected my boyfriend had cheated on me and found a possibly incriminating text message. Rather than admit I snooped, I lied and said a friend of mine, who is an aquaintance of his, told me he heard my boyfriend cheated. My boyfriend denied it and infuriated by what my friend had "told" me, told another mutual friend. It got back to my friend that I said "told" me about the "cheating." My friend now says he can't wait to run into me to call me out on my lie in front of my boyfriend.Question: What do I do??? I cannot risk my boyfriend finding out I lied and snooped (This would not matter if I knew for certain he had done something wrong to begin with) If this happens, do I lie right to my friends face and act like he really told me about the cheating? I feel juvenille and horrible! I cannot believe I let it get this far. The kicker is my boyfriend and I are completely fine - he thinks this guy likes me and that is why he told me the lie about my boyfriend.In all honesty, I can say screw the friendship, in ten years a guy from my neighborhood I was friends with will not matter. I am worried about losing my boyfriend.He says he believes me 100% butI am so concerned b/c our relationship is serious and we plan to move forward (and here I am acting like a high schooler!)Help!
View related questions:
cheated on me, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): well sometimes the fear of him finding out causes more trouble then if he did find out.face your fears always be honest and tell the truth.your lie wasnt as bad as mine im married and i lied about our bank account said we had 4000$
still in the bank
. well the account bounced twice and i had to borrow money to keep the account open..also i had to watch the mail every day to catch the bank statment and or a notice from the bank about it bouncing..any way i flushed all these notices down the toilet.well , that ended up clogging out sewer and we had to call a plummer that had to dig up the sewer the whole street was full of trucks and no one had water for 2 days either all this cost us 4000 $ well when he found out we had no money in the bank all my hubby said was "i better go put money in our account so it dont bounce" see the truth would have been better than all that.hope i helped you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): Honey- You sound like a very sweet girl! I am sure your friendship means a lot to everyone involved. I feel that maybe neither one of you guys are telling the truth so you can either suck it up and leave things the way the are or tell your man the truth. I would leave everything alone for now. Next time anything is brought up about the subject...tell them all that you know what I don't want to talk about it...the whole thing upsets me so please leave it alone!
...............................
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (8 September 2005):
Honesty is always the best policy. Looks can be deceiving. I agree with Delila, butter him up and let the truth fly. Tell him that you are sorry and if he really loves you then it can be worked out.
Make sure you got more evidence than a possibly incriminating text message before you get the idea he's cheating. If that happens sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him why you feel like he is cheating. It could be easily resolved.
Ditch the so-called friend anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):
Tell him, yes. Butter him up first though, cook him his favourite supper, bake him a cake, buy him his favourite cd or game, then tell him. Tell him you're so sorry! Then stand and accept his anger when it comes. He might be in shock at first but his anger will come. Allow him to have his say and keep your head down. He will need time and space to process what you have told him. He will probably, eventually come round to thinking at least you told him. Let him cool off. That friend doesn't sound too cool though.
Hope you are brave enough to do what's best.
...............................
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (7 September 2005):
 Okay, bite the bullet here and tell your boyfriend the truth. Yes, I know this is impossible (almost) and unbearable but you don't have much choice. Tell him you were worried about him and admit you looked at his mobile phone but that you didn't want to confess to it. You will get through this if your relationship is strong enough and it does sound like it is.
Your male friend isn't being too nice and it sounds like he would be content to try and wreck your relationship without an after thought. Jealousy I would say; he could have been decent and allowed the lie to go unnoticed really. I would forget his friendship as he seems to lack understanding in this situation. The only problem is that you saying that he had mentioned your boyfriend's possible infidelity could have resulted in bad feeling between him and your boyfriend, if it hasn't anyway, which could have been one reason for him attempting to clear his name.
Talk to your friend and tell him you are going to clear the situation up once and for all.
Okay, you made a mistake but we all do that. It really is best to come clean with your boyfriend before this gets more out of control then it already has. I don't think you have much choice unless you can get your friend to say nothing at all which seems unlikely.
You could just lie if your friend does approach you and your boyfriend and say that he did say about the cheating but this will cause so much conflict for you and your boyfriend could begin to doubt you even then.
Tell him you are sorry about what you did and explain your feelings. Tell him how worried you have been. Pluck up your courage and do it.
I hope you are reassured that your boyfriend hasn't or isn't cheating. This may need to be talked about also to rebuild the trust.
Good luck.
...............................
|
