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female
,
*ociety girl
writes: I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. He is very nice and says he loves me. I also love him. The problem him being 58 and has a 16 year old son. I am 50 with no children and dependents at home. He says he did not think that he would be serious with anyone until his son was out of school.He is now saying although he loves me he is very scared and not sure if he wants anything more serious. I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said I do not know, I don't think so. Let's just keep going until he figures it out.Puts me on the spot. He is widowed (one and half years now )and very close to his son who wants to be with him constantly and my boyfriend thinks he owes him this.Is there a chance for me and this guy?? He also says he has been used to his free time and needs space to be with his son. He said he would like to be with me but right now his son is demanding much of his time. His son wants to be with his dad a lot and has no other friends to speak of. This does not give us a lot of time together.My boyfriend is getting worn out because in his own way he is trying to be with me when he's not with his son. It is wearing him out. We spent Wednesday night 2 hrs together, Thursday night 3 hours. We go out to dance Friday night and Saturday night. W also go for a drive with his son on Sundays. Too much time or not enough. He says he spends Saturday with his son but we go out to dance Sat night.Any chance for us? I hope so and would appreciate your advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): Of course there is a chance for you and this guy. Patience is a virtue...sounds like you will have many years ahead of you to enjoy...right now he feels he needs to maintain and preserve his responsibilities whilst wanting to be with you. Understand him and bite your tongue when needed. All the very best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): I think you get more time with him than you think. Be grateful, if he didnt want to be with you, believe me he wouldn't be. Just support him and accept the way things are or leave. You cant have it both ways.
-Chris
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): The son will always be No.1 and you will always be behind that. If you can accept it, stay with him. If not, it will not ever change, so you should move on.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (6 September 2005):
 He sounds like a great guy who just wants to make everyone happy. I think you should stick around because he could make you very happy. He sounds like he's trying really hard to please everyone and people like that are hard to come by.
His son is 16 so he won't be demanding his time for much longer. He'll have his own family soon! Make the best of the time you get together and, if you stick with it and make it work, I promise it will get easier. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder so maybe the time you spend apart makes the time together even better? Too much of each other gets boring after a while so think yourself lucky! Good luck and I hope it all works out :)
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (6 September 2005):
 It sounds like you guys fell into something really quickly, before he realized how difficult it was going to be to fold you into his life. You've asked him point blank what he wants to do and he's said he wants time, for now.
If you really like this man and can stand to be patient, you may want to hang in there and give him the time he's asking for to move past this previous phase of his life and into a new one.
If you're not inclined to wait, I'd probably move on. He's got a lot on his plate, emotionally speaking, having just been widowed with a 16-year-old son he's now the sole responsibility for. His priority has to be his son; really, would you want to be with him if it wasn't?
In other words, there's no telling how much time he'll need to be ready, or even a guarantee that he'll ever *be* ready. It's all supposition right now.
Ask yourself honestly if you can really and truly be patient: if you'll be okay with him not spending as much time as you might sometimes like, or share himself with you emotionally as much as you need. If you can wait, great; if not...well, you know, timing is often everything.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (6 September 2005):
Of course there is a chance for you. It is still early days and I feel you are just fine tuning things. Getting to know somebody new can be very exiting but it can be a rollercoaster ride at times. Getting the balance right is hard. When children are thrown into the mix it makes things even more complicated. With a little give and take, a pinch of this and a splash of that, we can get the recipe right. A loving sexual relationship can be like a dance, sometimes one person pulls back and the other gracefully keeps in time. You have needs but don't expect this man to meet them all, your man has needs and you can meet some of them, his son has needs too and his father can meet some of these. I hope this helps you to find a balance and I hope that you have found true love with this man.
Delila
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A
female
reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
give him time he hasnt know you that long and he might be still getting over his wife. Your probably the first women after his wife and he just needs to adjust and get used to the idea of haveing a new women around just give it time. hope everything goes ok
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