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male
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*amas
writes: Sorry to bother, but I am starting to wonder what I can do to better please my girlfriend. We are both 18 and have been going out for 6 months, but only started having sex recently. She was abused as a child, and the feelings still haunt her. Just recently she has started counselling about it again, and it has brought it all back. Quite a few times during sex (and mutual masturbation) she has had to pull away as the memories got too much. She has never had an orgasm with me. Is there anything I can do to help this go away, or ways to make her feel safer? She says she enjoys it up until she has to stop, but I want her to get as much pleasure as I do...
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male
reader, Blix  +, writes (16 August 2010):
I wonder if you should ask her if she would rather quit sex for awhile. I know, it is a big loss for you but you seem to care for her a lot.
The help she is getting might help her feel better, and then sex will finally be what it should be and that will make up for any missed sex now!! [not that it is about that]
I don't know too much about it but I am dealing with a similar situation. My best girl [only girl] was sexually abused. It is too early in our relationship for sex anyhow, but I know she might not enjoy it when we do. She said she will talk about it sometime. We are OLD farts, by the way... so it stays with them forever.
A
female
reader, daniella +, writes (9 September 2005):
you need to make her feel safe and sucure (if already not doing) so then she can forget or fight back about her past and concentrat on being with you and enjoying pleasure.
Make her feel loved kiss her more and touch her hands and face more offen. good luck
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):
Your woman is getting pleasure out of sex but you feel she needs to get more, I know that you are thinking of her, but there is a selfish ring to what you say, (I don't mean any offence), think of sex as a way of healing your woman. Everthing, everytouch, every look, every word, make them healing. Everytime she wants to stop make it a healing time. Give her your arms. Make your kisses and hugs and touches about love and healing.
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A
female
reader, Captain_Charisma2202 +, writes (8 September 2005):
Well all i can suggest is make her feel like she is loved. Tell her you love her and reassure she is safe with you. Try and show her gestures of how you feel about her e.g. flowers , chocolates or even better a poem that shows how you feel about her. I mean its all going to take time you just have to be patience and support her through this. Thats all you can do. Its just going to taketime.... hope this helped you a bit
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