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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,My fiance broke up with me a month ago and I'm still in shock over it. We were deeply in love. She would say all the time how she couldn't wait for us to be married and living together. I wanted to be with her in all eternity but now, without her, I don't know what to do. Her issue was that I didn't talk enough or open up more. I tried very hard to make her happy. I just wish she would understand that sometimes I get quiet and reserved but that it had nothing to do with her. I would do anything for her. I've never felt this sad in all my life. I just wish I could have her back in my life so that I can prove to her that I can open up and I can talk more. She doesn't believe me anymore. She doesn't have hope that I can change. She won't take me back and now my heart is broken. How can I get out of this dispair that I'm feeling? How can I forget the one true love of my life? How do I move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): i miss him so much and long for him every moment of the day, i feel like the only time i am at peace, is when my eyes are closed and im sleeping. my ex and i tried again very recently, something i thought would never ever happen, but that was short lived, as he realised he was not ready yet... heartbroken, is the only thing that comes to mind... so im back to square one, i wish he never called to say, "lets have a new start for us"....i am trying to be understanding and not hate him, as he lost his mother early this year and is finding it so hard to deal with, he feels like he doesnt want to inflinct his pain unto someone else and feels like he hasn't got the strength to love someone else right now... it just hurts and i wish i could click my fingers and it would all disappear... its true what they say, it is a thin line between love and hate. i hope one day, after your grieving, you wake up and everything, is just ok.. that it doesn't hurt so much... love is a game, we all want to play, but losing, is a pain so unbearable...
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reader, marie +, writes (11 September 2005):
I am so sorry to hear of your pain, unfortunately, all too many of us know what you are going through, myself inclusive. The best thing is to remember and treasure your most fond memories and think to yourself, "these are only the beginning". Everything in life happens for a reason, so we can hop onto bigger and better things. The love you feel right now, in time, will be but a distant memory as you experience a bigger and better love. Have comfort in the fact that you will love again and that we all have to experience the heart wrenching pain you are right now, but we all, no matter how hard, come out better the other end.
Take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): Thank you very much for all your comforting advice. I'm still in shock and wish this wasn't happening. I still can't believe she broke up with me. This is so very hard. I love her so very much and letting go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I just don't know how to do it. I just want this sadness to be gone. Reading all your answers has helped and I do appreciate it. I hope I'm strong enough to move on. My heart goes out to all of you.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):
You are heartbroken, its hurts so much you want to die, you love her, love her, love her. You are trying to push away your feelings because they are hurting so much. But you must think of her, you must live every day that you and she spent together over again in your head, you must go to all the places where you went with her and sit and weep and weep. You must because your heart needs it. When you allow your self to grieve properly and stop fighting it, the healing will happen, shock protected you from the blow but you must feel the pain. Relive it all, look at old photos and cry. Watch romantic movies, anything that will help to wring your heart of all the tears you have inside. You will probably never forget her, why even try, love can last forever if you hold it in your heart. Love is strong and powerful and as you cry you can thank her for allowing you to experience true love. As you process your feelings, eventually, you will feel anger. When that happens you know you are on the mend. The anger will also pass and even though you will feel raw, the wound will be clean you will be able to think of your love and smile. For now you must Cry.
Love yourself enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): I know exactly how you feel, please see my question posted on 4 Sept 05 under the name Matt, about how my girlfriends doesn't want to carry on.
I can't sleep or work because of the pain, I can't go more than a few seconds without thinking about her, I feel like a part of me has died
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): Your problem brought tears to my eyes as the same thing happened with my BF of 6 years back in February. It is so so hard to let go of someone you really love, you will have the need to be in contact and hear her voice. Please please learn from my mistake.
We split in February and made the mistake of staying friends, I hoped that this way we would get back together but he moved on and quite fast, he now is with someone else and every day my heart breaks as if it was the first day we had split and its now 6 months.
If she says it is really the end then you absolutely need to cut all ties, leave on a very positive note, tell her its been great and wish her luck for the future and let her remember that as the last time you spoke. Walk away, you are going to have a couple of bad months but allow yourself to grieve over your lost relationship and very slowly you will start wanting to go out and enjoy yourself again. Keeping in touch will prolong the agony and everytime she rejects you, you will be right back where you started. Believe me I know what I am talking about.
My ex and I were together 6 years and last week he hit me with the news there are getting a place together. Im back where I started in February. If I had cut contact I wouldnt even know about it, may not even have been too concerned.
Please please learn by others experience, yes you are going to be miserable but in the long haul not as miserable as chasing a dream that wont happen.
I wish you lots of love and luck
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (6 September 2005):
First, she is crazy. She knew who you were when she met you. It is never okay to go so far with someone and all the while expecting to force your opinion of how they should be on them. So as you grieve your loss, you may want to try to mix some anger and some how-dare-you-s, in there.
I don't want to make lite, but you are who you are and she had no right to lead you on.
She is also either very young or very naive. Men will never be women. If she wanted open, she really just wanted her friends. She will and would not be happy with an "open" man either or she would have found one in the first place.
So often, women have what they are attracted to and opposite of that, what they wish for. The problem is, she is right you cannot change. Even if you wanted to, you can't be someone you are not. If she is open to talking, ask her questions based on what I have said and then ask her if any other way of responding would have been enough.
She could have a fear of commitment and I bet that is the case. She left you for one of the dumbest reasons I have ever heard. If she is afraid of the long run, then there was nothing but hell ahead unless she wanted to change. And she appears to not want to admit her ideal is not possible.
You have two choices, one is to let it go and expect a lot of very intense feelings for a very long time. If you do, just be kind to yourself and expect at least a few months of hell. Keep active and get out as much as possible. Work out, she will regret leaving if you get in shape! Go out and in time try to ask out again. Have a life, it is the best revenge. If all was well in your relationship, she will always regret losing you. Every time a relationship is unpleasant she will either run or compare them to you. Do not (if you choose this way) let her see you upset. In fact, make sure she sees your cool and friendly side. Don't be mean but act as if you are a man that confident in who you are.
Way 2 would be to contact her one last time in about a month and see if anything has changed. If she is really against taking you back, I have bad news for you. It is very likely there is someone else and she is delusional and feeling he can make her happy. He won't. Real love is not yet within her grasp from your description.
Here, the only thing you can do is check back in a month to see if she broke the new guy like she did you. Only time can heal you. But time works faster if you stay active and give yourself a break.
I'm so sorry. Good luck, there are so many girls who get it so don't worry, you will be okay again one day.
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