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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with a great guy for just over 9 months. He is often out working around the city we live in. We hardly ever have sex although I have pretty much adjusted to that. However recently I have found several long blond hairs around the house and they do not belong to me or anyone we are friends with. When I asked him about it he gave an obviously stupid answer- saying maybe it was one of our friends who has short red hair who has never been to our house. My boyfriend is a pretty observant, on to it kind of guy so I can't think of why he would give me such a dumb answer or where those hairs would have come from. Is he cheating on me or am I just being really paranoid? I don't want to confront him because whenever I question him about anything like this he gets upset although I can't tell if he's being defensive because he is guilty or not. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Becca42478 +, writes (8 September 2005):
I can see why you would be concerned. I think that long blond hairs, less sex, defensiveness, and dumb answers are all warning signs. I would be cautious & keep an eye out. It could go either way on this one. Cheaters always get caught, they get sloppy. Be careful not to accuse him, without vaild proof. It can make you come off as insecure which makes him see you as less attractive. (You don't want this if he's innocent.) Also, it tips him off which gives you less of a chance of finding out sooner, because he could become more cautious. You are a smart girl. Use your intuition. It's always good to have a plan.
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):
I think that you need more to go on than a couple of long blond hairs, are there any other signs that he is cheating on you.
1.Suspicious Computer Activity
These days, it's easy to meet men in chat rooms, forums or on instant messenger. Have you seen a suspicious name in your IM window or an unknown chat site in your browser history? A little digging can go a long way. Be careful trying to be a super snooper, though, and give your man space. It's just as easy to meet friends online as it is love interests. Your partner may just be reaching out for other gay people to talk to.
2.Sudden Changes in Schedule
Some men may be spontaneous, but most of us keep a set schedule or standard routine in some form or another. This is especially true for day-to-day activities. Has your man's routine suddenly changed without you knowing why? Did his working hours increase or does he have a new gym schedule? Things often change in our lives. In turn, we decide to try and impress our bosses by working overtime or resolve that it's finally time to get into shape. But what raises suspicion is how these changes are communicated to you. Was the decision made without your input? Was there an attempt to include you? Are there any signs of progress?
3.Emotional Distance
It's normal for the intensity of your relationship to decrease after you've been together for a while. There may have been a time when you couldn't bare to leave each others' sight and now you both enjoy your time alone. This isn't a sign that he is cheating, only that the relationship is starting to settle into a loving and comfortable phase. Nonetheless, take note of any emotional distancing. Has he stopped listening or laughing? Does he seem distant or spacey, almost as if he's preoccupied? Take note if your partner is there physically, but not quite "there" mentally.
5.Less Time Together
Just as the intensity of a relationship dwindles slightly over time, so may the time you spend together. But spending less time with each other shouldn't be confused with spending no time at all. Don't react too swiftly. Who knows, his company may be ready to close on a huge deal and they need him around the clock. Or there may be some other legitimate circumstance that demands his attention. Many huge time commitments like these don't last for long periods of time and make sense. He may be working 14 hour days, but does he also leave home on weekends? Look for the unreasonable and unexplainable time commitments.
5.Instinct
Mom always said follow your instincts and this is a time when that motherly voice can come in handy. If your gut tells you that something is wrong or that some other guy has captured your man's attention, then go with it. But take caution with how far you follow these feelings. Ask yourself if they are legitimate concerns or if you yourself are lacking trust.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (8 September 2005):
 He's cheating on you because you don't have sex. Sorry to say it, but it's probably true :-(
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