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female
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*ittlegirl72
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and now he is saying that he wants to go back to just dating. We where almost living together when he decided this. Now he went away for the weekend with friends and I didn't hear form him until he returned. Should I just end it or try to deal with him not caring about my feelings at all? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mfreeman77  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Yes, you should end it. He's not showing a lot of regard for this relationship. Don't make the mistake of trying to convince him to love you more -- that always has the opposite effect.
You should leave and get on with your life. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he has an IMMEDIATE change of heart once you take the initiative to leave. That's how people work: Sometimes we only want things when we can't have them...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): answers are always there in your case he already made up his mind kind of hard to tell someone to leave if you care about them maby he needed time to himself taking friends over girlfriends always a problem he should respect you enough to make time for both not choose one or the other. but men always do stupid things sometimes until they realize they are wrong its too late then they lose what they have or they were just dogs to begin with sounds like he dont want a tied down he wants to play
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): he is gone already..you'll be ok after a week or so.
the same thing happened to me 2 weeks ago..i know it kills you but you have to be strong..!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): Break up with him, he obviously has gone off you and you cant force someone to love you. That happened to me. He kept saying he needed space... wanted more time with the boys etc. All the tell tale signs. This was three years ago
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2006): I think that you should not worry just yet. I recently did the same thing to my boyfriend although we were living together (although I still have my own place). I don't want things to end, but I feel as though things are getting too comfortable. He doesn't seem to try at all anymore because I am always around. I just think that the space could make us appreciate each other more. Don't give up on him yet. Give him the space. Maybe talk to him about not calling all weekend because that was inconsiderate. Tell him how you feel and LISTEN to how he feels. I am on the other side of this and my boyfriend totally overreacted. I do not want to break up, but I just want to add some mystery back to our relationship. Hope this helps. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006): When it comes to terms and relationships there is one thing you should always keep in mind and that is the title is just a form of security. With that said when your boyfriend decided to break the new and mention he wanted to go back to dating the first thing I would have said is explain to me the difference.
Dating is a nice way of saying he wants to check out his options if that is the case he might as well as for a break even better might as well just break up with you because that is the next step, now when he went on a trip and he had not contacted you that would send the message to me very loud and clear and when he did finally contact me I would have played it short and sweet.
What you need to do is realize that right now things are not looking good if anything you should be making progress think about if you had a job in a firm and they offered promotions so here you are at this job for 6 years and all of a sudden you go from being the secretary to being the janitor would that make sense? In time you get demoted rather than promoted.
In this case I would start meeting new people and end the current relationship with him stating that if he is unwilling to give you the attention you deserve and treat you the way you deserve than you see no reason continuing to put yourself through this.
Check out more visit my dating site: www.manenoughpros.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005): Have a good, honest talk with him and let him know how you feel. Be prepared to hear that he's ready to move on. From what you are saying in your letter, it seems he is ready. In which case, then it may be time for you both to make a clean break and move forward. Trying to analyze what happened in this relationship will just further add to your pain-and it could eat way at your self-esteem. Don't do that to yourself, dear. But an unhealthy relationship with your bf is not worth repairing if it forces you to compromise your principles or overthrow your self-respect. But although splitting up with somebody that you really cared about is never going to be easy, making a clean break will help minimize any further heartache in the long run.
My advice would be to reduce the pressure on yourself by leaving things open, arrange to meet up 'in the future' and give each other a bit of space so that you can let go with as much dignity as possible. Spend time with other special people in your life and cultivate your friendships-never isolate yourself. Always make sure you give each other breathing space. You both need to take time out for a while -broken no matter how tempting it may be to sit at home and cry into your hot chocolate. Make a list of the things that you couldn't do when you were with your partner because they didn't like you doing them. We all compromise in relationships so one great way to get over somebody is to get on with the things you gave up.
When you're really down you have to let your friends know but learn to drop the topic of your break-up or you will constantly be thinking about it. Give yourself 15 minutes every night to focus on your ex- partner. Take their photograph, turn off the phone and the TV and concentrate hard,I can guarantee that after a week or so you'll be bored to death. Give yourself an occasional treat such as a new haircut or new clothes-it's a cliche but it will make you feel better. Good luck and please take care of yourself..
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (6 September 2005):
 It sounds as though, for whatever reasons, your boyfriend has already checked out of this relationship. I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now, and I know how hard it can be when one party unilaterally breaks things off, but I don't see anything *but* struggle—and pain, and heartache—for you if you stay in it and try to "deal".
And really, why deal? Do you really want to work at a relationship the other party has bailed on? How satisfying is it going to be to settle for a mere semblance of what your relationship with this person used to be?
Let it go. Let him go. Hunker down with yourself and your true friends and ride out the heartache. When you're feeling good and strong again, you can put yourself out there again, because you'll be in a position to meet someone who's worthy of you.
Good luck to you.
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reader, Delila +, writes (5 September 2005):
Sometimes guys can be impossible and drive us crazy. I've worked out an important thing about them though, they can act like they are so in love with us one day and then be so distant we think we have done something wrong. I've learned that if we give the guys a bit of space and not ask questions for a while they come back with their arms wide open. Younger men like to have even more free guy time and if they feel like something is in the way of that they will remove it. If you really like this guy a lot you could ease off the relationship for a while and use this time to hang out with your female friends or something else like clearing out your wardrobe or taking up a hobby. Who knows you might get so distracted you'll miss that call.
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reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
your both young and you will both feel that you dont want to be together all the time or sometimes you want other people talk to him and find out what he wants from your relationship and then dicide.
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