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There are 10 years between us. It feels like too big a gap!

Tagged as: Age differences, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2005) 8 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2006)
A female , *owYoureCute writes:

I'm 15 years old and have been involved with a guy, we'll call him Joey, who just turned 25 for the past few months.

To me, 10 years is a huge difference and really strange. With any other guy of his age I'd have nothing to do with him. But this case is different. He's my sister's boyfriend's little brother. He lives with them and over the summer I was over at their house just about every weekend. We got very close and hung out a lot when my sister and his brother would do stuff together.

One night we both got really drunk and just made out. It was completely random but we did start to like each other a lot. It'd been a couple months and then I went on vacation for a month out of the country with my dad and his girlfriend. After a couple weeks I called "Joey" and he told me that him and my sister had been talking and he'd told her that he really cared about me and wanted to have a relationship with me in the future when I became legal.

I really care about him, enough to say I'm in love with him, which is something I've never felt for anyone. How much of an age difference is too big? Could this ever be a normal relationship?

Thank you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006):

Hi there! the reason i've looked at tjhis site is because i am worried about an age gap in my relationship, 17 years to be exact! i'm 36, she is 19. i've been throught he marriage-divorce and children thing also. But the thing is i have never clicked with someone so well in my life! same goes for her too! her mother and brother love me to bits too! but i always worry now and then about the gap and she is the one always telling me to stop worrying. but in the end for once in my life i've met someone that i know i cannot be without!! and don't forget, i got married and never felt what i feel now!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006):

hi there ive just started to see a guy who is 28 and im 18,

we are getting married this august, we had to wait till i was legal , so i can tell you with absolute confidence that it is possible to have a normal relationship with this joey.

and as the years go on the age gap wont seem so much

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A female reader, WowYoureCute +, writes (7 September 2005):

It's really nice between me and him because I am very mature for my age, due to many unfortunate things while I was growing up, and he can still act like a kid sometimes. However, he's extremely responsible and I always feel safe around him. I know he would never do anything to hurt me or to manipulate me. I do sometimes wonder why he's not interested in girls his age but he's said that he just got frustrated dating. It's not as if he started liking me because I'm young, or I started liking him because he's older. It was just something that happened as I spent more time with him while I was at my sister's. We share a lot of common beliefs, ideas, activities and can have a lot of fun together and just be comfortable and relax. For now we're just staying really close friends. In a few years we may get together, who knows? I'm just glad that I know he'll always be there for me and cares about me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005):

I think its absolutely fine to be in a relationship with a 10 year gap as long as you care enough about him its fine, and you know you can trust him because he asked your sister for advice which means he respects you!

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (6 September 2005):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony aunt10 years is quite a substantial age gap when one of you is 15 and the other is 25. However, in a few years, 25 and 35 isn't too bad is it? But you must ask yourself the question 'why is he interested in someone so young, as opposed to someone his own age?'

Give it some time. If, in a year or so you feel like something to really come of it, then you can try and see what happens. I must warn you though, it can be tough. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me and, although it isn't a massive gap, we are so different. We're from completely different generations and disgaree on so many things. Things were different when they were your age so be careful.

I'm glad he said he wants to wait until you're 'legal' though. He sounds like a decent enough guy but I'd wait a while. Get some experience with guys your own age, learn some lessons and one day, maybe something will come of it. :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005):

Well, a 10 year difference is only illegal if there are sexual relations, which was not said in the question. Dating or "making out" is not illegal. I think it'd be best if you both remained good friends, and if, in 3-4 years you still feel the same, then try a relationship.

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A reader, communicatrix +, writes (6 September 2005):

communicatrix agony auntA ten-year age difference isn't always too much but at your age, it's an immense gulf (no to mention illegal!).

Go about the business of your young life and let him go about the business of his. If you're both unattached in another 10 years and you meet and fall in love then, it's a different story.

But for now, regardless of your feelings, I'd let it go.

Good luck!

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A female reader, Delila +, writes (5 September 2005):

You sound really mature for 15 years, it's really good that you are thinking so reasonably about this. A lot of girls and women and men would just dive in at the deep end without even looking. Well done! On age difference, I would say that age is only a number, more depends on whether you share the same goals, ideals, beliefs and maturity levels than on what age you are. Maturity comes at all different ages and to some people it never comes at all. I hope it all works out good for you.

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