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female
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*mz_xxxx
writes: Dear cupid, I have just split up with my boyfriend, whom I've been with for 8 weeks, and we are still very good friends. But one of the reasons I broke up with him was because of one of my previous relationships, 'ex', that I had 12 weeks ago.It's really confusing because everytime I get the courage to talk to my 'ex', I back out. I just wanna talk to him and ask him why we drifted apart. I forgot to say, other people were saying all this stuff about us and then I was told I was dumped but my 'ex' didn't even tell me whether it was true or not. Please could you help me decide what I should do because my 'friends' say forget about him but they are always trying to ruin my relationships so I don't do what they say. But my best mate says to keep building up my confidence and try to see if he will talk to me and help me understand what went wrong.Thank you x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005): For God's sake Girl you only went out with him for 8 weeks, its not like it was a long term relationship or something. He broke up with you because he didn't want to be with you, or wanted someone else. He's entitled to do that, so just leave him alone. So just deal with it and move on. Don't believe all this clap trap about "closure" and all that supermarket psychology about having to meet up again and "discuss" what went wrong. He probably has no interest in doing that and may only tell you loads of lies anyway jsut not to hurt your feeling. Move on with life. Times a great healer for a broken heart, although after it being only an 8 week affair there can't be much broken!
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):
You owe it to your self to breakup with your ex properly, he may never be able to tell you why you drifted apart sometimes people don't know. But until you find closure it may take you ages to move on and love again. It sound like you're a cool girl, during the eight weeks since you've split up you haven't made any contact, he may be plesantly surprised to hear from you. Drop him a note saying that you would like to meet him in a specific place for a coffee and a quick chat, you have somthing on your mind that he could help with. When you meet him don't ask him why or how or any of that stuff, just talk. Tell him that hearing from friends that it was over felt weird and that you would like things to finish on a better note. Tell him that you really enjoyed being in his company when ye were together and that you hope he feels the same way about you. Keep it light and fun and end it in a nice way like "see you around", or "thanks for meeting up", or something. You will feel a lot better after you do this and then if you ever see your ex around the feelings will be nice and friendly instead of awkward. You'll be able to smile and say "Hello".
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): Well,you never allowed yourself closure with the ex. And now that you've left the current bf (of 8 weeks) some of those old surfaces are once again surfacing. You needed to properly "mourn" the relationship before jumping into the next one. let this be a good lesson. Always go into new relationship with no prior baggage and never do it too soon, Dear. Take your friends advice and forget him.
You are dwelling on negative stuff that is consuming you. Y are allowing yourself to still feel like you’re in a breakup rut, it seems like you haven’t let go of your “old self”...which, ironically, is probably part of the problem, since part of that old self involved him. But it’s better than taking on the breakup misery as your new lifestyle and personality.
So go at your own pace. But leave him alone. Keep very busy and try to be happy with the love of good galpals and family. Keep in the company of all the things that make you feel joy- late night girl talks, reality TV shows, going to a girls night out...name your pleasure (smile). And find strength in the things that haven’t been taken from you. Let yourself grow and cry and build up and tear down at your own pace, and don’t count on any artificial timelines to tell you when you’re over it. As cliché as it sounds, this experience will eventually be a part of the fabric of your life, and while it shouldn’t consume you, it may illuminate aspects of yourself that you never knew you had.
Be strong, my dear and please, just learn to forget this guy. Stay hopeful and keep your faith in yourself.
Hugs, Irish
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): I think you do need to talk to your ex and ask him what went wrong and see how he feels, for yourself. Considering you ex wouldn't even tell you if it was true or not that you two were broke up it don't sound like he wanted a relationship with you though. I don't think your friends are just trying to ruin your relationships its just your best mate understands you have unresolved feelings and the only way you will get past it is to talk to your ex. Then you will be able to move on with you life for better or worse. Also 8-12 weeks is not alot of time to develop that strong of feelings. I have been married 10 years and I still love my man. Give it time.
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