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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't seem to get comfortable with giving oral sex to my partner. Actually it has happened with the only two sexual partners I've been with. I can't seem to pleasure them. I'm uncomfortable because I'm inexperienced and when I do try, I'm horrible, and they go soft in a matter of minutes. What are some techniques or tips you can give me to become more comfy and to make my partner beg for more??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): A short and simple answer is to remember the best part about oral sex is a positive attitude of completely giving pleasure to your mate and letting them just lie back and enjoy it. Remember, 90% of the sensation is in the "head" and the bundle of nerves on the underside, so wrap your hand around the shaft to control the situation, and have fun on the head with your lips, toungue, etc. , licking, kissing, tracing the rim with your lips . . . just be patient and creative and enjoy giving the pleasure!
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 Because your getting so nervous and uptight about the situation it is causing you to get well..stage fight. Sex and even oral sex is something not to get so over worked about. The first thing i can tell you is relax. Next if you really want to learn i would suggest watching a pornographic movie. Study how the women use there hands and where they place them and what they do with their mouth and tongue. Then try it with your man. See if you get a different reaction then usual. When all is done tell him that you have been watching pornographic movies to learn how to give better oral sex. It will be a huge turn on for him to hear your watching it and it will make him know your effort is there.
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A
male
reader, feelingood +, writes (8 September 2005):
Practice makes perfect, as they say. Practice with something like a banana or dildo and try to keep your teeth off whatever it is you are using. be gentle and make sure you are using lots of saliva. To stimulate the entire length of the shaft, use your hand as well as your mouth. Gently suck and make eye contact sometimes. But the best tip is to just treat it with care. Don't necessarily have to get freaky deaky with his rectum sticking fingers in, swallowing, whatever else pops was telling you to do. But communicating properly is important. If you cause him to hurt that's when he'll go soft. Anyway, stay on the case, the fact you want to improve shows that you eventually will because you're taking the first step, and that's what's important.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):
I don't think pops missed anything in terms of giving a guy pleasure but remember to make the guy wear a condom if he is not your steady partner. I would stay away from rimming also unless as I say you know the guy is safe ie tested for HIV and other STDs and he is very clean. If you get cold sores please note that these can be transmitted to the genitals (this is one of the ways genital herpes start) during oral sex so do not give or recieve if you have one or you feel one starting. Stay Safe!
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A
reader, pops +, writes (8 September 2005):
I think you just need more practice. And, you need to ask the guys to tell you what feels good to them. You are not omniscient, nor are they. Ask them what feels good. Going soft, ask them what you can do to get them hard again? Lovers have to teach their partners how to pleasure them, both men and women. When you are new to anything, you don't know what to do, and in this case, the guys may not know what they like! Most men like a woman to run her tongue over and around the crown while rubbing the shaft with one or both hands. If you practice enough, you can deep throat them,but this is usually considered an advanced technique. Tell the guys if you want them to climax in your mouth or tell you when they are about to climax, so that you can take your mouth off of them. Its your call. Men like the idea of a lover taking their cum in her mouth and swallowing. Advanced lovers do it all. You can use your lips, tongue, and even your teeth, if you are gentle to stimulate them to climax. Use your hands a finger. Most men like their testicles sucked and rolled on your tongue, gently. Gently massage their balls in your hand, and if you really want to get the guy excited, or have him climax fast, either massage his prostate gland by putting pressure with your finger(s) on the area between his scrotum and his rectum, or put a finger in his rectum to the second knuckle and curl the tip of the finger towards the front, as if you were beckoning someone to come to you. His prostate gland is located just above the second set of muscles in his rectum, and massaging that gland will usually stimulate a rapid climax. Since men and women have many nerve endings in the tissues surrounding the rectum, you can run your fingers around his rectum, or even use your tongue to " rim him", all the while massaging his cock with your other hand. Most young men can climax more than once and usually several times in an hour or two. If the guy is worried about premature ejaculation, assure him that you will stay around to get him erect again, and he can have a second orgasm, and thirds, etc. To have good sex you have to communicate with your lover, and insist he tell you what feels good, and what does nothing for him. That sounds more clinical than romantic, but there is no other way to learn. Everyone is slightly different, so what you might read, or see in porn movies may not work for either of you. Once you know your lover's body, and how to turn him on, there will be plenty of time for romance, where you use all this knowledge to turn him on as the two of you play with each other. No one is born knowing how to do oral sex, or sexual intercourse, or anal sex, etc. It is all learned, but sadly, not very often by many people. There are far more sexual illiterates out there than anyone wants to admit. If you have other questions, by all means write in again.
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