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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 20 and my boyfriend is 25.When I went to visit him at his home one day, and caught him masturbating over pictures of Justin Timberlake on his computer and felt so disgusted.I asked him outright if he was gay, and he said no, and when I asked him was he bisexual, he said no too.I don't understand why he did this, and I'm feeling depressed because of it.Please help me.Jodie (20 years old) from the UK.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):
Have you ever seen the episode of friends when Monica walks in on Chandler to surprise him and finds him masturbating, he panics as she walks in and flicks over the tv channel to a shark documentary, Monica phones Rachel from the bathroom in the horrors because she thinks her husband gets turned on by sharks.
Could your boyfriend have been masturbating while watching other stuff like Britney Spears and then clicked to the next pics in a panic when you walked in?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): Perhaps it was on the computer anyway. then he decided to mastrubate. he could be bi, or gay. perhaps he thinks you 2 won't last and other women don't like him so he thinks of turning gay.
Hope this helps.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 August 2005):
 Jodie,
I'm only weighing in to agree 100% with Happy Time Harry, so you don't think he's the only one with that opinion.
I think your boyfriend is probably bi or gay and is still in the closet about it, even to himself.
My thinking is that he must have been *very* involved with his photos not to have heard you come into his house while he was masturbating, incidentally.
Don't regard it as your problem. I think your boyfriend has to come to terms with his own sexuality before he can have a good relationship with anyone.
If you want to help, then be open to any discussion he wants to have about the matter and try your damnedest not to see anything he says as a reflection on you, because it's not. His sexual preferences were always there, long before you two met.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (27 August 2005):
My guess is he's bisexual at least, and in denial and shame because of it, but he might still love you on a romantic level. Sounds like a mess. My gut tells me he's a dishonest person if he's going to outright say he isn't gay or bi after you caught him watching that. I think he's lying to guard a secret he's kept in the closet for years. Play that however you want. Still, he might have some kind of weird issues not involving liking men that caused him to do that. Don't ask me what, just trying to be fair. If you love him, try to talk to him, but please don't let yourself become depressed. You're not less beautiful or important because your man did what he did, and if he's as dishonest as he appears to be, he's not worth shedding a tear for anyway.
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
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