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| | *utterflyKisses's profile:I'm a 26 year young woman. I love the water, being outdoors and dancing. I wish I could sing, but I can't and it doesn't stop me from belting out loud to my favorite songs. :-)
I'm happily married and enjoy being a Mom. I've learned a lot from my teen years and early 20's. I've been through a great deal, some of them vicariously. I have my Master's degree in counseling, but I think this only supplements the advice that I offer. I think life experience is crucial to helping others.
"...I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
..."
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My crazy abusive ex got a job where I work.
Q. I was in a emotionally abusive relationship for years. I finally had the strength to get away. For years, the cycle was that she would do something horrific to me, and then break up with me. We would proceed not to speak for a while until she ...
A. 10 January 2017: This girl is a whole new level of crazy. You need a plan now. There is no such thing as being a cordial acquaintance with a psychopath. Cut her off completely. No more texts about your disdain for her new job. She already knows how you feel. ... (read in full...)
I want to do these things but she's not keen... Is she holding me back and will this work?
Q. We live in a large town up North. My partner is a lecturer but is thinking about moving career over summer. We've been dating for 5 years and living together for almost 3. I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. I work from home and I'...
A. 12 June 2012: While relationships are sometimes about compromise, it seems as though you have entirely different interests, which are not compatible. If you can find such happiness away from her (re: London), then how much is she really adding to your life? I ... (read in full...)
My ex cut out all contact, but I want him back in my life, either as friend or boyfriend. How to get in touch?
Q. It is my ex-boyfriend's birthday in a couple of days and part of me wants to wish him a happy birthday but I just cannot decide what to do because we aren't in contact at all. Part of me wants to get back together with him, but another part of me ...
A. 30 June 2010: Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry you're struggling. My advice is to leave well enough alone. He would seek you out if he was interested in friendship or otherwise, epecially since you initiated indirect contact through his relative and best friend and you ... (read in full...)
I'm just not sure about giving her the space she wants!
Q. I'll try to make a long story short. Dated a girl in highschool (13 years ago), always missed her, looked for her throughout the years...no luck. I decide to move back to a city I've lived before and before the move we got back in touch-I finally ...
A. 22 June 2010: Oh, my. Previous responder is correct - work on yourself, first. I'm going to be brutally honest, women need stability, and your current employment status coupled with your housing status is outrageously unappealing. Please don't call her, that only ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets mad if I wear matching bra and panties when he is gone
Q. My boyfriend gets mad at me for wearing panties and bras that match when I am not with him. Is this out of line? We have been together for almost two years. I have never been unfaithful to ANYONE. HE has....
A. 25 September 2009: IMHO, the underwear/bra combo is irrelevant. Why are you with someone, who has been unfaithful to you?
... (read in full...)
Is razorburn better than bush?
Q. my bf says he prefers the shaved look, but my hair is kind of coarse and grows back fast. do guys think it's gross/uncomfortable feeling when a girl has pubic stubble? or do they think it looks gross if there's a rash/ingrown hairs/general ...
A. 22 April 2009: I agree with the other post - try waxing. It lasts much longer than shaving and there is NO burning, rashes or ingrown hairs.... (read in full...)
I don't know what happened do you think he's just making excuses or did he mean what he said?
Q. There's this guy that I really like and I thought he liked me too but I don't know what happened. We've been really good friends for about five years; one day we were hanging out and we were kissing then all of a sudden he's pulling away, saying he ...
A. 19 April 2009: Honestly, guys are very simple. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Guys also tend to have a difficult time being straight forward. He probably doesn't know how to tell you that he's no longer interested without hurting you. I would move on, you ... (read in full...)
I can't avoid him, I can't have him and I can't let anybody have him other than me...
Q. Dear agony aunt, I am 26 years old... and I can't think like it. My best friend is a guy(D). We love each other and it's quite deep and we are physically intimate. We can't marry cuz we both belong to different religions. So the heart of the ...
A. 19 April 2009: If you can't have him and you do love him, I would put his happiness first. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Thinking about plastic surgery
Q. Hello, Sorry to bring a common and depressing post, but I feel very negative right now, and I don't have close friends and I can't talk about this with my boyfriend because he gets annoyed. Well I feel ugly. Everyone around me is prettier. ...
A. 5 April 2009: It sounds like your boyfriend is determining your level of self-worth, which is nil at the moment. There are plenty of men out there that will love and appreciate you for the woman that you already are. It sounds like he's making you feel like YOU ... (read in full...)
I'm interested but he seems 'clueless'! How can I make this clearer, without being obvious? Suggestions?
Q. Ok, so l just told my best friend that l am quote, "interested" in him, but he's completely clueless, and doesn't understand what l'm trying to tell him. l have heard that he's bi, so that's not a problem. l have to be obvious, but not too obvious, ...
A. 5 April 2009: Here is my honest opinion based on the lack of clarification in your question (not your fault, I just don't have enough info to give better advice). You told your best friend that you are interested, and yet, he reacts to this with confusion. ... (read in full...)
Fiance will not get a job!
Q. Hi all, I have been with my fiancé for nearly 2 years now. Recently he was made redundant and to make ends meet we are now living with his parents. I am still in work and just got promoted. My problem is this, my fiancé, let’s say his name is...
A. 8 March 2009: Oh, dear. It's easy for all of us to advise you to leave him, but the truth is that you love him. Love puts blinders on all of us, and it makes it difficult to choose the path that is best.
I think you are fotrunate, in one respect. He is showing ... (read in full...)
Sexual problems in our marriage and running out of time to solve them!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 7 years. Our anniversary is actually within the week. We are both concerned about our intimacy. During our first two years together, things were fantastic. Then came time for me to deploy. After two weeks of ...
A. 8 March 2009: I know that you say you have moved past the affair, but you wouldn't have written about it if it didn't still bother you. You could have said that you were having sexual intimacy problems with DH and leave it at that, but you felt it necessary to ... (read in full...)
We've been together for 13 years but I want to seperate
Q. How to tell to my husband that I want to separate? We are together for 13 years and 2 years married. I really feel that I need to split, but I feel guilty about leaving him. Please, advise. ...
A. 7 March 2009: It's difficult to advise, since we know so little about your DH. Is he abusive, does he have a history with drugs and/or alcohol? Do you have children? These factors need to be taken into consideration when dealing with your DH.
Aside from thos... (read in full...)
Married, had an emotional affair, and a kiss, gave him up but missing him!
Q. About a year 18 months ago i met this guy online and just started talking to him . This went on for a few months and he told me he was going through a divorce so at the time i think i was just someone who he could talk to. After abit he started to ...
A. 7 March 2009: The grass always seems greener, right? Is it possible that you saw this guy as an outlet to escape your marital issues?
I would work on one issue at a time, starting with your marriage. I agree with attending marriage counseling. If the marr... (read in full...)
Will changing my appearance help me attract women?
Q. Will changing my appearance help me attract women? As you will see on my profile, my hairstyle is pretty unique to say the least. I've had it this way for the past six years or so, and I think it's time for a change. My hair gets me a lot of good...
A. 6 March 2009: Believe it or not, confidence is the main thing that keeps a woman interested. Honestly, the hair will only get you so far, anyway. It might be a drawing card, initially, but if there is no substance behind the hair, the woman will lose interest. ... (read in full...)
Frustrated with love, lies, needs, and possible pregnancy.
Q. Whoever knows where to begin on these issues? I have been seeing a girl for roughly two years. We have had a few small break-ups in-between, but have ultimately stayed together. I do care or her, but now am facing a difficult question. We...
A. 6 March 2009: Having children is obviously a joint decision, and you've already told your g/f that you do not want children. I highly respect this, and I don't find yor decision to be selfish at all. There are far too many people in this world that have children ... (read in full...)
I have worked so hard on it, then we broke up. When do I give it to her?
Q. Recently my girlfriend and I broke up on good terms. During our relationship we both made strong commitments about love and the future. About a week later after the break, we were hanging out and everything went really sour. The reason is that the ...
A. 6 March 2009: Please do not give it to her. She asked you not to contact her, and she has made no efforts to contact you. You will come across extremely needy and desperate. This is never an attractive quality. It's obvious that you still care for her, but you ... (read in full...)
I have a sick feeling of betrayal since he had a texting flirtation!
Q. If your husband of many years had had a texting flirtation lasting 3/4 months with a younger woman (also married) and swore blind it was just a silly game for them both would you be able to carry on life as normal? Would it still be going on if I ...
A. 6 March 2009: If it we my marriage, I would ask him for a short-time seperation. I would tell my DH that I need some time to think about his actions/behaviors and come to terms with it. I would not make guarantees that the marriage would continue after the ... (read in full...)
I found my own sister in bed with my boyfriend!!!
Q. My sister is having an afair with my boyfriend! I was going to his apartment and saw her car. When I got upstairs (I have a key) they were in bed. What should I do? I hate my sister now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
A. 2 March 2009: Obviously this guy has GOTS to GO! There should be no question about that one. My biggest concern would be with your sister. This sounds fairly recent, so if I were you I wouldn't address this with her until you have had some time to digest this ... (read in full...)
I need answers... To shave or not to shave, that is the question!!!
Q. Hi!!! I have a little doubt, its about pubic hair, I'm 15 years old and my vaginal area is really really hairy, would that be a turn off for guys??? Should I shave it, trim it, or leave it like it is? PD: I'm blonde but my pubic hair is dark bro...
A. 2 March 2009: I think you should do what YOU want to do - it's you're body. Most salons offer waxing and triming services for those private areas, perhaps you could consult with a professional. There is no right or wgonr answer for this question, which is why I ... (read in full...)
Should I continue on these pills?
Q. I need some advice. I have been dating a guy for some time now. He's 38 and I am 20. I am also a teacher and I am ready to have a child. The problem is I have problems ovulating and my doctor puts me on fertility drugs - which I am taking now. H...
A. 2 March 2009: I'm confused. Are you trying to be a single parent? (I'm not asking in a snarky way, I really don't understand).... (read in full...)
Affair with a married man - why is it so hard to choose?
Q. I am having an affair with a married man whom i met 16 years ago and then he suddenly appeared again in my life at my grandma funeral. He is married and they have 3 kids. They are not getting along very well and been not sharing the same room fo...
A. 22 February 2009: If, at the end of the day, you want NOTHING out of life, than continue on living in this delusional world that you've created for yourself. I hope you enjoy being second-rate, at best. Shoot for the stars, baby.... (read in full...)
Should I continue to support him financially?
Q. Ok here is my story. I started dating this guy 7 months ago. I am 28 and he is 33, when we met he was staying at friend in their basement. he told me that he moved from another city and was trying to start a business here but for now he was doing...
A. 21 February 2009: Do you ever watch 20/20? This guy is completely using you. If he can't do anything for himself, why do you think he would do anything for you?
Honey, it's only going to get worse. Change the locks and don't look back.
I know it's hard when emo... (read in full...)
Should I be the one to blame?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years(in May). The past few months have really been rough. All we ever seem to do it fight and argue. The thing is... and maybe it's just all in my head but he seems to always be pointing the finger of ...
A. 21 February 2009: Girl, you need to run for the hills. This guy is a controlling loser. I gather from the spirit of your post that you know what you should do - you just need to do it. Get outta there - fast!... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell my casual lover that my period is late!
Q. i have been talkin to this guy for almost two months but we arent datin or bf or gf or anything bc we both just got out of long relationships and are scared to get close to someone else. well weve had sex a couple times and i missed a couple bc this ...
A. 21 February 2009: I would recommend taking a pregnancy test before you create unnecssary strife between you and this guy.
Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.... (read in full...)
I am willing to do anything to make the relationship with the man that I love work.
Q. I am in a tough situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 2 and a half years. Over those two and a half years, I have been a less than perfect girlfriend and have lied to him many times over small and large things and have kept ...
A. 21 February 2009: I think the real issue here is that you continue to rehash the past with your boyfriend, after he's told you to let it go. My advice is to gain an understanding of why you feel it is necessary to do this? I've seen people do this in relationships... (read in full...)
How can I develop this friendship into a relationship without scaring him off?
Q. I met a boy through a dinner gathering twice. Since that second meeting, we've been chatting almost everyday several times a day, occasional texts, comments actively on my facebook wall - mostly his initiation. Intuitively, I thought he liked me ...
A. 21 February 2009: Guys are actually pretty simple. If he wanted an offline relationship with you - he would pursue it. My advice is to hold yourself to a higher standard and move on. I respect his honesty. He said he was, "shady and sketchy" like that, and while I ... (read in full...)
My bf told me he still has strong feelings for his ex, so I worry he will go back to her, please advise!
Q. Hi guys i now you are all going to say im stupid but my boyfreind of 6 months told me last night that he still has really strong feelings for his ex the mother of his daughter he says he always has done since school and will always have strong ...
A. 3 August 2008: The only advice I can offer here is this: If you are willing to be his second-best choice, then there is no problem. I respect his honesty with you, but please don't expect to change his mind, or convince yourself that if you could only do "more of ... (read in full...)
Should I be angry or am I to blame? surely he is at least guilty of giving me mixed messages, so why is he blaming me?
Q. Should I be angry or am I to blame? In the last six months my relationship of over a decade ended - badly. I turned to a friend from my past for solace as he too had just come out of a three year relationship. He had pursued me over a number of ...
A. 3 August 2008: Even a deceitful man, who acknowledges his mistakes, has more integrity than the man, in which you describe. You have absolutley every reason to feel angry at him for displacing all of the blame onto you. At least you can now pluck him from the ... (read in full...)
Will I ever trust again? How do you get on with your life when you are this broken inside? Are there good men who don't cheat and hurt the people they love?
Q. My boyfriend left me for another woman after telling me I was the love of his life. I had finally learned to trust him after another man I was engaged to cheated on me numerous times. I thought this last boyfriend was different and he was so good to ...
A. 3 August 2008: If this is the second time in your life, where the man you loved has cheated on you, then I think it's time to reevalute the way you deal with relationships. Similar to a spouse of an addict, there are certain codependent traits that enable the ... (read in full...)
Husband says he feels "smothered" and does not know what he wants. Should I stick around to see what he decides?
Q. I have been married for a little over two years. It has been rocky, but I have been committed and trying to do all I can to make the marriage work. Anyway, a few months ago, my husband simply decided he didn't want to be married anymore, which of...
A. 3 August 2008: "Feeling smothered" is not a justifiable reason for seperation/divorce, in my opinon. I'm assuming you feel the same way. It sounds like an excuse to a larger issue. I would start by setting some boundaries with him. For example, give him four-eight ... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken and a doormat when it comes to my ex. What can I do?
Q. I dont really know where to start, im just heartbroken and I need to talk to someone...so here goes Me and my ex have been on and off for about 10 years (im 28 hes 31), we have had about 4 breakups in that time, mainly because he wants to be sing...
A. 3 August 2008: Based on ten years past experience, this man (and I use the term loosely), has evidence and reassurance that YOU are not going anywhere, regardless of his immature and hurtful behavior.
You ask, "How do I get over him?" No one can give you an answ... (read in full...)
Is he entitled to know who I was talking to?
Q. If a guy you are dating calls you when you are already on the other line and you ask him if you can call him right back, is it okay for him to ask you who you are talking to that is more important than him?...
A. 3 August 2008: I think your question is irrelevant (not in a snarky way). It's not a question of right or wrong. If your significant other is asking that question he/she has little confidence in himself/herself, and just as little confidence about the ... (read in full...)
I love someone else and am scared I will lose her if I don't act quick (I'm unhappily married)
Q. I have been married for about 11 years and not satisfied or happy. Pretty lonely actually. My wife has no desire to do anything, including sex which we may have had 2 or 3 times in the last 3 years. I feel like I have to drag her along and we ...
A. 3 August 2008: While I understand that you are currently unhappy, I think it is only fair to be honest with your wife before you make drastic changes in your life (i.e. leaving your wife). I would tell your wife that you are unhappy and contemplating a ... (read in full...)
Which is accurate, the vaginal exam results or the blood and urine tests?
Q. Is a vaginal exam stating I'm pregnant accurate, while blood work and urine are saying negative?...
A. 27 March 2008: No! A vaginal exam can only tell you the position of your cervix (opened or closed) and it's relative location (high or low). During pregnancy, your cervix is high and closed. This alone, however, is NOT a reliable predictor of pregnancy. The ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him how I feel about the "ex experience" without him realising I read his mail?
Q. Im in a great relationship but my boyfriend gave me his email password to check something for him in his account.I started looking at his emails from months ago partially due to curiosity and what I found worried me. He has been friends with thi...
A. 29 January 2008: Are you sure he wasn't testing you? I find it hard to believe that he "forgot" that e-mail was on there. I would be very careful how you proceed from this point. If you confront him about this, he could easily turn the tables on you for snooping in ... (read in full...)
What happened years ago kills me inside and I just cant seem to get over it.
Q. Where to start... I'm 26 y/o. I have been with my husband for 9 years and married for 3 years. We started dating when we were 17. When we were 21, my husband (boyfriend at the time) starting acting strange and distant. I learned that he was becoming...
A. 22 January 2008: Thank you for sharing your opinions! I have given it a lot of thought. I DO want to put this behind me, but I cannot do it by igoring my feelings. I am going to bring it up to my husband in a non confrontational way. I'm not mad, afterall, I'm ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gone for good? After his affair we attempted to save our marriage and he never gave me any cause to think he was not happy, on the contrary...
Q. apologies first as this is a bit of a long one! I have been married for 20 years this year and on the 2nd January my husband informed me he was not happy and had not been so for the last year and wanted to leave. The background to this is 6 months ...
A. 16 January 2008: This is obviously a complex situation and I don't mean to sound too simplistic when I respond.
Could your independency be creating feelings of incompetency or inadequacy in your husband? Perhaps your success as a career-oriented woman, or the i... (read in full...)
I cannot break up with my gf, yet..I want to do it! Help!
Q. Why cant i break up with my girlfriend?!? I know i want to do it, i want to see other girls and i cannot picture myself with my current Girlfriend forever. I think about other girls and dating them ALOT, yet i cannot break up with my girlfrie...
A. 15 January 2008: My guess is that you don't want to feel responsible for causing her pain and you don't want her to have ill will towards you. Although your romantic feelings for her have changed, I'm sure you still care about her as a person. You are doing ... (read in full...)
Do women actually like the 'needier' man and enjoy caretaking him?
Q. Does anyone think that some women can actually like needy guys who never got love from their mothers?I guess I'm asking are there women who like to take care of men? And if so,why?...
A. 15 January 2008: I'm not sure, "needy," is a key ingredient for any person seeking a partner. How would you define it?
I think most healthy relationships are complimentary, where both partners equally contribute in different ways.
In my opinion, "needine... (read in full...)
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