A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:We live in a large town up North. My partner is a lecturer but is thinking about moving career over summer. We've been dating for 5 years and living together for almost 3. I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s.I work from home and I'm bored. I'd like to setup an office in London and take on a few members of staff and spend 3 days or so there a week so 2-3 nights in London. I love London and I used to live there. I still have friends there (more than I have up North)My partner sees this as a direct judgement against her and hates the idea. She asks how I'd feel if she was doing the same. I said I'd be really pleased for her that she was doing something exciting that she wanted to do. I said this because it's true. This didn't go down well. She thinks I'm having an early mid-life crisis.Also, we've been away in the past to Asia over winter period because we like to get away. I'd like to do it again this year and I've said I will pay for her to come. Last year we stayed and had Xmas here because she really wanted to and I did all the Xmasy wintery things with her. She doesn't seem keen and says she'll probably just be working hard here (with a glum look on her face). Is this going to work out or am I being unreasonable for not wanting to live a normal 9-5 life. Please tell me if I am.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 At the root of it you're telling her you perpetually want to spend half the week away from her. It kind of screams non-commitment. It's a little like asking for a long distance relationship. I know that if my partner wanted to spend 3 nights a week, every week, away from me I'd be upset.
I think you need to re-examine your life goals and how your girlfriend fits into that picture. If you want to move to the city, talk to your girlfriend about that possibility. But this sort of halfway thing doesn't sound very ideal, at least not longterm.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 June 2012):
I've got a sneaking suspicion that deep down, your girlfriend is now looking for serious commitment - i.e. the ring on the finger and the possibility of starting a family. I'm not sure whether she and you have talked about this before, but if she does really think this is a direct judgement against her, then it may be that she's worried this will all end and you'll walk away.
I think that you two need to sit down and have an honest discussion about where your relationship is going. I don't think she's trying to pin you in a controlling way. but I do get the feeling that she's now looking for a comfortable home life with maybe a husband and kids, whereas you seem to be looking for more freedom as you're bored.
Have a talk, see where it's going and decide whether your relationship is worth more than going to London, or whether in truth your girlfriend isn't the one, in which case it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (12 June 2012):
 You are not unreasonable for wanting anything in life, but you can't always get everything you want. Sometimes you have to make choices. Do you stay with your partner and feel resentful because you did not get to do what you wanted? Or, do you go away and live life the way you want? I did not see anywhere where you said you are married. If you aren't, there is no commitment to stay. Tell her you are sorry she does not want to come with you, but that you need to follow your heart and do what is right for you. The same as she needs to follow her heart and do what is right for her. If your dreams take you in two different directions, it might be best to break up. I don't not think this has anything to do with someone being trustworthy or not...it is just two different dreams going in two different directions. And, just for the record, there is nothing wrong with being a homebody either...if that is what your girlfriend wants. I would sit down and talk about the possibilities with her. Her opinion obviously means a lot to you or you would not be asking for advice here. It's just that sometimes a relationship forms and then those two people want two different things. That's ok, but sometimes the relationship has to go so everyone can go their own way.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (12 June 2012):
While relationships are sometimes about compromise, it seems as though you have entirely different interests, which are not compatible. If you can find such happiness away from her (re: London), then how much is she really adding to your life? I don't know why you would want someone, who doesn't enjoy the same things in life, as it is not likely to change over time. Don't settle for familiarity. It sounds like you have an adventurous spirit, and this is being bottled and shelved in your current relationship.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (12 June 2012):
 That depends on how trust worthy you are in other areas. If you have previously violated her trust with questionable "friendships" of the opposite sex; been known to go out with the guys for a beer and not return until 3:00 AM then her concerns are probably justifiable. On the other hand if you've been a model boyfriend for these 5 years then it sounds like you both have different ideas about what you want to do in life. Your girlfriend sounds like she's a bit of a homebody, while you may need more social activity to stay happy. This can be a problem since she will see your move to London as a chance to get away from her and "play around". Could this possibly be the underlying reason? I can understand why you're bored working from home. Many people think it's a dream job but your world becomes very small because you no longer get to really interact with others like you would in a normal offce. Why not try to find a place closer to home so you can at least spend the night in your own bed with sweetie pie by your side. You'll have the chance to get out of the house, and she won't have to worry that you'll be bringing another woman back to your pad in London, unbeknowing to her. You may also have to keep pushing her for vacations because that always breaks up the routines of regular life and makes things alot of fun. If she still digs her heels in you have to really ask if the two of you have outgrown each other. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Hi
No your not being unreasonable,the way I see it is you only get one life so if you want to follow your dreams,set up in London,then do it.Its hardly a mid-life crisis.
I know relationships are about compramise, but it has to work both ways. It may be time to sit down and discuss both your feelings on where your going, decide what your goals are. You want to shake up your life because your not satisfied,thats reasonable. If you don't want to lose her you may have to consider starting a business thing up north.Or she may come round to your way of thinking...Talk.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 I think the problem is you both have different views on how your life should be. It seems she wants to settle up north and start life there, where as you want to concentrate on your career and dreams and spend some time in London focusing on this. Nobody is right or wrong here its just two different expectations of life.
I am not saying end the relationship but I think you should follow your dreams. At the end of the day you will only live to regret it if you do not. I think the only way is to sit down with your girlfriend and explain to her what you want and tell her it is your dream and it is nothing personal to her and that you still want to be with her.
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