A
male
age
41-50,
*istake
writes:I'll try to make a long story short.Dated a girl in highschool (13 years ago), always missed her, looked for her throughout the years...no luck. I decide to move back to a city I've lived before and before the move we got back in touch-I finally found her! The love of my life.I visited before the move and things were great! I move and we're together. Things go well for months but we hit a few hang ups from past relationships, etc. We talk it out.A few months ago she tells me she doesn't feel repsected and I don't listen to her, and she felt I wasn't opening up enough. We talk, figure out how to work it out.Things go well. I thought we were making progress. About a month ago she wants to take a break and isn't sure she wants to be together.Two weeks later...we talk and she wants to be together. Things are good. I'm opening up more, we're comminicating better, sex life improved, so on. Progress, so I thought.We had a big fight a week ago. I gave her and myself space. Three days later I see an online status changed to single. I know those things are not the Gospel of Life but it hurt. We texted and she thought that's what I wanted after we fought. She asks me to come over to talk. We decide to be together and work it out. Next night she has a girl's night out.We've communicated only through text the next two days. Everything seemed fine.Last night she comes over and hugs and kisses me. Later I bring up a status change, I thought we were back together, how I felt about it, etc. I was being open and honest about it. She had no plans to change it back to in a relationship. The fight we had was our biggest and it scared her. She was hesitant to say we were together again and wanted to take it slow. I can understand that. She loves me. She gets upset and doesn't want to talk.I take a drive to clear my head and come back. She asks for her house key back. I ask if this is what she wants. She says yes. She refused to talk and she is sad. She doesn't think things will ever really change. To complicate things more...I've been staying at her parents' house to get back on my feet. I now have to move out, lost my job a few days ago... I will have to move about two hours away to stay with family.I didn't ask a question I know. Looking for a different view and any thoughts. I have started packing and looking into my options. I'm giving her space and I'm calming down to think rationally. I want to talk to her so bad but I know leaving her alone is the best thing to do. If she has a change of heart we'll talk. I'm just not sure. It hurts but I am trying to keep a level head and do what I need to do.
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male
reader, Mistake +, writes (5 July 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell a lot has happened since my last update.
We texted a lot and made jokes and talked about everyday things.
Communication was good and she asked to meet for drinks and dinner. It went well. It was easy, comfortable, and full of smiles and laughs.
That was about a week ago and her texting has been cut way down. I suspected she was trying to date or hookup. Horrible thought but I realize this happens.
She posts sad songs on Facebook and says she's alone, sad, etc. Other times it's back to the usual stuff.
I have not contacted her since the break-she starts it all. She tells me by email she has to stop talking to me for awhile. It has become too difficult to be just friends. She regrets doing this but can't talk to me for awhile.
I believe my posts have made her feel bad too. They're about hange and how I want to get back on track, etc. Positive things.
I'm not sure what to make of it. One of her friends asked if she was breaking down. I think some of it is a test for me and also to kick up dirt.
I'm working on finding a job and moving. Any real progress will be made by me being out of the situation.
I do want to be with her again. Not sure if I'm losing ground.
A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (24 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, it does help.
I'm doing better today. Nights are the worst though.
I got out today and took care of somethings. It felt good to be doing something and clearing my mind. I don't have many people at all to talk so I haven't been sharing much with friends.
She was here when I came back and we talked a lot--normal, everday, joking stuff. It felt good and I let her control the pace. I didn't push. A bit of poking and play hitting from her.
I don't know it I should talk to her mom anymore. I trust her and her advice, opions, etc. and I know she's looking out for her daughter.
I do have some baggage from a previous relationship-trust issues mainly. I do trust her and I never worried about it but I think she thought I did. She knows the details of that relationship.
I was having a hardtime opening up at first and this was an issue. I was working on it. Also boundaries and how to better communicate. I've made progress.
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A
male
reader, Rico +, writes (23 June 2010):
K so bro this what I think u should do to get u through this call/text some of ur Buddys and hang out. Try to avoid talking about ur girl because if u tell UT buddys hard feelings might be created against ur girl point is to for getting the issue For a couple of days. U might feel alittle better. might make it a little easyer to get up and do what u need to do. Hope this helps dude!
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A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (23 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked with her mom this morning and all went well. I apoligized for the fight and hurting her daughter. She understands and knows that I know how much I hurt her. Her mom doesn't want me to go she just wants her daughter to feel comfortable coming over with me here. (I'm still working on moving out tho. I need to be depend on myself and be stable.) She hopes we work it out but her daughter just needs some time.
I stayed at my end of the house but her mom called me down to get something. We barely looked at each other and only said "hey." It's better than nothing, right? I figured if she wanted to see me or talk she would. So I stayed back.
She left.
A texted me a couple hours later:
Her: Hey
Me: Hey
Her: Whats up?
Me: Reading, You?
Her: Going for a drink.
Me: Ok. I miss your company.
Her: I need time. I'm not trying to be mean. I do want us to be friends.
Me: I know. I'm trying to be more respectful of you and give you time.
Her: For us to be friends I do need that.
Me: I understand.
Her: I'm sorry I don't want to talk about it...
Me: Ok. Thank you for saying so.
At least some communication. I want her to have her space and time. In order for us to salvage our relationship we need to start as friends again. BUT she may only want a friendship.
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A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (22 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter a break up, is it normal for a female to get a haircut and pretty much carry on as usual as if nothing happened?
Is this a way to cope? A way to forget? Is it a sign?
I've been upset and heartbroken but I have also carried on too but I still have the moments I don't want to get out of bed or I cry. I'm sure she has too. She's not heartless.
There's been no contact as far as text, calls, email. But we are friends on Facebook. We both had text alerts for the other-to be updated on status change, etc. It's hard not to look and it's hard to look at her page. I had to turn off the text notices. I haven't logged on as much or done anything on there.
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A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (22 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys.I'm working on it. I actually had another job offer before we fought and I told her about it. I had every intention to take it and better my situation. I let her know all about it and she was happy and encouraged me to go for it. It would allow me to get my own place and be more stable. Which I wanted for both of us.Living at her parents was temporary to get me going. It was her idea as well. We had talked about it after a few months and she had no problem at all. I have helped around here to a great deal and they loved having me to take care of things.Even with taking the other job (I want to) I wont be able to get my own place right away. If I was staying here it would've worked out in no time. Depending on where I am moving to I may not be able to take the job. A family friend talked with me today and wants me to talk to her mom and apoligize for things, let her know how I feel, and what happened with our fight. She knows but their friend thinks it's something I need to do-and fast.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (22 June 2010):
Oh, my. Previous responder is correct - work on yourself, first. I'm going to be brutally honest, women need stability, and your current employment status coupled with your housing status is outrageously unappealing. Please don't call her, that only adds neediness to the problem. She probably does love you, but most women WON'T sacrifice stability for love. Get stable then go and get your love.
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A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (22 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday has been NC. It has been miserable but I know its the best thing to do.
I'm trying to organize things and pack but its to emotional.
I need to get on my feet again and there are so many hurdles. Everything is made worse by the break up.
I have some hope but kind of think she wanted out and is trying to do it the least painful way and without talking or fighting. I'm still confused over the break up.
I want to send a text saying, 'hi'. It's taking everything to leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, Rico +, writes (22 June 2010):
I think u should leave and get on ur feet befor u start talking to her again at least for a little while any way. If u start talking u will be really confused if she asks to go out again. Don't allow ur self to be hurt!
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A
male
reader, Mistake +, writes (22 June 2010):
Mistake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI failed to mention that we had been dating for 9-10 months. She was single for about a year before we got together.
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