A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a tough situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 2 and a half years. Over those two and a half years, I have been a less than perfect girlfriend and have lied to him many times over small and large things and have kept things hidden from him. About six months ago, I told a really big lie and the guilt ate away at me for the entire summer until I finally broke down and told him the truth. He wasn't upset about it since it was something that happened before we started dating and told me that he loved me no matter what happened in the past. After this event, I started to question what else I had been untruthful to him about in the past. It has been really painful for me and I have developed anxiety over the events in the past. Whenever I think of something I have lied about or kept hidden, I tell him and sometimes he gets very upset and threatens to end everything. Recently, we had a long conversation and told me he was willing to wipe my slate clean from the past and we could start fresh. This has been a beautiful thing, but I just can't get my mind off the past. I never, ever want to hurt him again and am trying to be the most honest and perfect girlfriend possible, but always find my mind wandering to the past, remembering painful moments in which I have hurt him and end up telling him. I feel as though I am just rehashing events that don't matter now, and just hurting him by bringing them to his attention. But I feel like if I don't tell him, I am just reverting back to old habits and keeping things from him. I just want to regain his trust back and be the girlfriend he wants me to be, and the girlfriend that I want to be. Our relationship is too wonderful to let go. Please help, I am willing to do anything to make the relationship with the man that I love work. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (21 February 2009):
I think the real issue here is that you continue to rehash the past with your boyfriend, after he's told you to let it go. My advice is to gain an understanding of why you feel it is necessary to do this?I've seen people do this in relationships and there are several reasons for this. Sometimes a person feels the need to create a crisis, or woe-is-me moment, for the sole purpose of making-up and getting to that "I love you so much moment...I don't care what happened in the past...you are my here and now...blah...blah...blah".In other words, when you create those "woe-is-me" moments, it's like pushing a magic button to hear your boyfriend spew out his undying love for you. This is a quick way to get instant affirmation from him. Because each time you dislocse something new about your past he's saying, "I don't care. I love you". You need to ask yourself if you are truly after the affirmation that comes after the disclosure. If so, there are more productive ways to get this. I say this because at some point, it is likely that your boyfriend will get tired of this cycle and move on.Best of luck to you!
A
male
reader, Do What I Can +, writes (21 February 2009):
 Well Babe...Hes Obviously willing to forget the past and even though its hard you should forget it too. The whole point of the quote "starting fresh" is that both of your forget the past completely and wipe it out. It will be hard and it will take a while to forget the pain and bad things. But if you put your mind to it and you really love this man and the relationship youre in.. you will be able to do it!
Take Care
xxxx
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