| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: It is my ex-boyfriend's birthday in a couple of days and part of me wants to wish him a happy birthday but I just cannot decide what to do because we aren't in contact at all. Part of me wants to get back together with him, but another part of me wants to hit him for the way he severed all contact with me. I'll explain. We were together for 2 1/2 years. He was working all the hours God sends (1 full time job + 2 occasional part time jobs) in an attempt to earn enough money for us to move in together, but ironically we barely saw each other so we were drifting apart. Couple that with the fact that I was having a really rough time at work and my boyfriend didn't really know how to support me at the time. He eventually asked me what was happening about us, to which I replied that I didn't think he wanted to see me anymore as I barely got to see him. I thought this would make him work at the relationship with me, but I was l left totally shocked when he said he didn't think things were working out really. He asked me what I thought and I said I didn't think they were either. I then asked him if there had been someone else (well, he was away so much). He didn't answer me and I never imagined for one minute that, at that time, I was never to hear from him since. I had thought we would work things out. This all happened 6 months ago. I sent new year's greetings to a close relative of my ex-bf's and my ex-boyfriend's best friend in the hope that it would help to open up communication as to what happened to him, but they never responded either so I respected that they didn't want to talk to me and didn't contact them again. I told my Mum the other day that I feel that I have lost not only my ex-bf but his entire family (who I was very close to at the time) and that it feels that the shutters came down so suddenly and so completely it is like they have all been killed in a plane crash and that I am mourning them. All this behaviour was so out of character for my ex-bf. We got on so well, that I thought that even if we split up that would be in each others lives as friends.I started dating again around 3 months ago, but the dates have all been pretty dire, and have made me realise that I miss my ex even more. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
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at work, best friend, get back together, miss my ex, money, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 June 2010):
When a man cuts contact, he cuts contact. A while back when things ended between my ex and I, I cut contact with her to get over her. Your ex boyfriend has made a very permanent gesture, and his family have done the same. And, if you notice this all happened after you'd asked him whether there was someone else, which would indicate that either there was someone else, or he felt that the relationship between you two had just ground to a total halt. I think you need to leave him well alone and continue to try and get over him. This just isn't something that is going to come back, and he has made a very permanent gesture.
A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses  +, writes (30 June 2010):
Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry you're struggling. My advice is to leave well enough alone. He would seek you out if he was interested in friendship or otherwise, epecially since you initiated indirect contact through his relative and best friend and you received no response.
I know that's not what you wanted to hear, and if have made the decision to contact him, try to at least make it seem coincidental, such as running in to him in a social setting (i.e. a sports bar he frequents, event, etc.). In my opinion, if you directly seek him out, you'll become less appealing.
Does he know how to get in contact with you (i.e. does he have your current phone number and address)?
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