A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in a great relationship but my boyfriend gave me his email password to check something for him in his account.I started looking at his emails from months ago partially due to curiosity and what I found worried me. He has been friends with this girl since school and they lost touch over the years but about 9months ago they met up again and had a a date this was a month before we got together. Things have progressed quite quickly with us and we are very serious we have discussed marriage and living together.My problem is the mail i found was a discussion they were having two months into our relationship about the night they went on their date, he mentioned a particular sexual encounter they had and did she remember what it was like, this is the only mail of its kind.this is eating me up but how do I tell him how I feel without him realising i read his mail. I don't believe he has or will cheat on me but I feel like i need to be honest with him about how i feelHelp!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your responseI believe i have to say something but im afraid he will look at me as being paranoid or a typical jealous girfriend. I am not like that at all i was genuinely just being nosey looking at his mail i had no idea that i would find that!!!This girl is a good friend now and is in a relationship, plus she is moving away in 3weeks to another country so they wont see each other really anymore, I feel threatened by her because she is very sexually experienced (bi sexual) and very good looking, I however have only been with one other man. its not the future im worried about with my man its how he conducted himself in the early part of out relaionship, how do i get that across without sounding unresonable. im so worried about ruining what we have now by speaking up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): I have a hunch he's cheating, the giving you the password sounds dodgy, like he's say LOOK YOU CAN TRUST ME!
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): It feels like a betrayal because they were being emotionally intimate by discussing sexual intimacy that had happened before. However, it has not happened again. When some people get divorced they can keep that layer of intimacy for a while because it is something that a person is used to, like putting on an old pair of slippers. He must have spoken to her that way when they were together, so he slipped up and did it after they split up. I don’t think you need more reassurance than you already have. He only sent one message, what happened between them was before you got together. He has stopped in favour of being loyal to you. Really this is not the end of the world in fact if you think about it it is a good sign. He obviously loves you and has ceased contact. It is of such little importance to him that he did not think about deleting the message. He trusts you to let you read his emails. It would be worth thinking about keeping quiet about this because you will keep his open-ness, honesty and trust that way. If you make a big thing of it it will seem insecure and untrusting and he is likely to change his password. I know it is a sting, but just take it and it will be old news by next week.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses  +, writes (29 January 2008):
Are you sure he wasn't testing you? I find it hard to believe that he "forgot" that e-mail was on there. I would be very careful how you proceed from this point. If you confront him about this, he could easily turn the tables on you for snooping in the first place. If there was issues that need to surface, I'm sure they will surface without your using the e-mail for reference. Good luck!
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