A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys i now you are all going to say im stupid but my boyfreind of 6 months told me last night that he still has really strong feelings for his ex the mother of his daughter he says he always has done since school and will always have strong feelings for her, he said that he has feelings for me but will never compere to his ex, the thing is i still really like him and going to stick with him, because he admited that his head was soooo screwed up he doesnt even no why he told me, there is also the probleam that all his family hate his ex but really like me and he knows if he goes back to her, it will upset his family big time, im the only one he can really talk to, sometimes i think he would only go back to her because of his daughter,So guys please please help me i need advice for me and him also what would you do?im seeing him tomorrow night so he has time to think as thats what hes asked
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female
reader, les  +, writes (4 August 2008):
I know that I have very strong feelings for my ex. The guy that I am dating does not compare to my ex at all... but its not because I dont like the guy, it is because there are certain aspects of the relationship with my ex that I enjoyed a lot that the current situation doesn't have. And thats what I miss. Its a two way street, I have to let go of old expectations but the new guy has to be willing to learn about what I enjoyed so much and try to fullfill a part of that. If this happens, I will get over my ex and realize what a better man I found.
I think the answer depends on whether he misses the person or the relationship. A strong relationship, connection, intimacy are often more missed than the actual person, but its hard to miss an abstract idea so we just project it on the person who gave it us. You need to talk to him and ask him to get to the root of the issue, why he has such strong feelings for her, why they broke up/can't be together, why you dont compare, and what he is willing to do about the situation. If he can deal with his in a mature manner than things could work out, maybe he just needs time. If he can't, then I think you should walk and find someone without emotional baggage.
A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (3 August 2008):
The only advice I can offer here is this: If you are willing to be his second-best choice, then there is no problem. I respect his honesty with you, but please don't expect to change his mind, or convince yourself that if you could only do "more of this" or "less of that," that he will replace you as his number one. Take some time to seriously process what it is he truly said, which is this: "I would rather be with her, no one will ever compare to her or replace her, but since she won't have me and because my family hates her, I guess you will do". That is just not acceptable to me, and I hope you hold yourself to a higher standard, too.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
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