A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About a year 18 months ago i met this guy online and just started talking to him . This went on for a few months and he told me he was going through a divorce so at the time i think i was just someone who he could talk to. After abit he started to say how he really liked talking to me and we exchanged mobile numbers. Now i know some people will think im absolutely stupid but im in a marriage which i admit we have our problems and when all of this was happening my marriage was very rocky. So basically he started calling me and to cut a long story short would call me most days telling me about his problems and just general chat. Then things changed direction and he stared telling me he had feelings for me and wanted us to meet. I found myself starting to have feelings for him too, and always looked forward to him calling me. At the time i felt that meeting him was not the right thing to do as im a married woman and felt guilty enough just talking to the guy. My feelings were all over the place as nothing like this had ever happened to me before and i kinda didnt know what to do.Anyway the months passed and i got to know this guy more and more as i talked to him, he had told me himself that he was a big flirt and he obviously liked going out with the lads drinking but that didnt seem to bother me as i was just thinking of him as a friend, but one day we finaly decided to meet for a drink. So feeling nervous i met him and had a few drinks with him, we talked all evening and at the end had a kiss. Over the months his situation changed he had to sell his house and move back to his parents so the phone calls etc got less and less. which at first i missed but then kinda got used to it, when we did speak he just told me how much he'd missed me and wanted to see me.All through this i kept a open mind as i knew i was married and that he was now single and would probably get a girlfriend sooner or later, but felt that because id developed feelings for this guy i was finding it hard to deal with. So about 4 weeks ago i phoned him and told him that id got things going on in my life and basically goodbye. He seemed to take this ok and we havent spoke since.I know some people will think im silly, but my marriage is not good and we are having problems and i know meeting him etc was wrong, but i really miss him and talking to him. Keep thinking that he's obviously moved on now but im finding it hard to.Any advise on how to get over this!!. Or anyone been in the same situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advise i really appreciate it. I know that in time things will be better but at the moment i cannot stop thinking of him. Im trying to do things that will take my mind of him but it's not working. I just kinda feel a idiot because i believed everything he said to me e.g...how much he loved me, wanted to be with me etc, and i admit i was begining to think about ending my marriage to allow me to be with him(crazy i know). I just wish i knew if he was thinking of me just as much as im thinking of him, but i think i know the answer to that probably no, because ive not heard a thing of him and kinda knowing what he was like probably either got a girlfriend by now or working on it.
I know ive got to get my marriage back on track and believe me i do love my husband as we have been together a long time, but ill be glad when these feelings i have go and i can get on with my life. It's amazing what life throws at you!!!!!
A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses  +, writes (7 March 2009):
The grass always seems greener, right? Is it possible that you saw this guy as an outlet to escape your marital issues?
I would work on one issue at a time, starting with your marriage. I agree with attending marriage counseling. If the marriage is not salvagable - get out. You have a right to happiness, as does your husband.
It's best to be on your own two feet before you throw a third party into the mix.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): my situation wasnt the same, but similar in theory. I've been married 2 years, everything is good, but there were things in the way that would take me years to explain here - anyways, long story short, i love my husband but he was away from home a lot and i have a best friend, who is male, and over 2 years we've become really close. His gf of 5 years broke it off with him recently and moved out, he and i then got even closer emoitonally but did nothing about it. I was about to move house with my husband as he was now home for good and the move seemed right - 2 weeks before the move my best friend told me he loved me, made me question my feelings for him, my move and everything else - i thought i might be in love with him and the move looming over my head and a clock ticking screwed with my intense emotion - i moved i had to, thats my husband and life - but my friend dealt badly with it and realised hhe had stronger feelings for me and he was so attatched to me and we spoke every day i moved - i backed off a bit, told him i loved him, course i do, hes my best friend, but nothing more because im married and i also didnt feel he was anywhere ear thinging right as his gf just left after 5 years and he needed to deal with that and i felt he was dealing with that by leaning towards me.
Anyways, after 3 weeks i was becomming attatched to him because i was home sick from the move and regretted moving but he had now started seeing someone else, which i had no right to feel jealous of because i'd told him to focus on something other than me because he wasnt in love with me, he was just missing company and i was nearest to him and i didnt want to lose our cose friendship.
Now we arent talking, he still says he feels for me and i him, but bottom line is, i love my husband, my friend needs to sort his head and life out and i need to focus on my mariage but the lack of counication due to hurt or want or intense feeling is just horrible because i miss him like crazy.
I'm currently focusing on getting some new friends here but i dont feel that im going to get a conncion in a friend like that again anytime soon, but its for the best all round taht its like this...urgh...i do wnder sometimes if it could have been handled differently, i dnt knhow.
anyways, i know my situation differs from yours but i know where you are comming from, you miss that connection.
I hope you figure things out, im slowly getting there myself...xxx
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