A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:If your husband of many years had had a texting flirtation lasting 3/4 months with a younger woman (also married) and swore blind it was just a silly game for them both would you be able to carry on life as normal? Would it still be going on if I hadn't discovered some of the texts? Without going into detail, I am sure it is definately over and that it went no further than texting and phoning but the thought of him doing it in the first place is tormenting me every day. He says he has answered all my questions truthfully, even though I know otherwise but daren't tell him I've been 'snooping'. We love each other dearly and living with this is, for me, the only option but I can't get over the sick feeling of betrayal. Any support would be very welcome, thanks.
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female
reader, scrambled brain +, writes (7 March 2009):
Hi anon lady who made the same discovery the other night. I also posted the original question as anon as I couldn't be bothered logging in and also gave the wrong age range by mistake. Would you like to send a reply to my dear cupid mailbox as it has been nearly a year now since my discovery and I am still feeling sick about it every day. Maybe talking to each other would help us both!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): Hey there, I've literally last night found out that my husband of 3 years has been texting a woman he met through work, I just got this gut feeling that something wasn't right so I checked his phone and low and behold there was a message on there from this particular woman, whom by the way he has never mentioned before saying how she couldn't get him out of her head and that she couldn't concentrate on work because all she is thinking about is him and that she didn't think that she would feel like this about anyone again. I confronted him with it and he says that nothing has happened and that it was all a bit of harmless fun, well I'm sorry but us girls don't send text messages talking about our feelings without any sort of interaction from the other party, well I certainly don't. So I know exactly how you feel, my usband is expecting me to act normally about all this, I don't think so. I am seriously considering whether I want the marriage to continue as once he has broken my trust and as one of your other replies mentions broken our wedding vows I'm not sure whether I want him any where near me. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through a similar situation
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A
male
reader, OmegaXF  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 If it was a silly game I would have told my wife in the beginning. Of course you would have your questions but at least you would know. That just doesn't sound right to me...
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (6 March 2009):
If it we my marriage, I would ask him for a short-time seperation. I would tell my DH that I need some time to think about his actions/behaviors and come to terms with it. I would not make guarantees that the marriage would continue after the seperation, either. He needs to understand that this type of behavior endangers his marriage to you. I know, this seems like a drastic reaction, for an otherwise seamless marriage, right? It's really not.
A reaction, such as the one I stated, let's him know that this is a serious marital infraction, one that could ultimately destroy the marriage. It is important that he understands your threshold for this type of behavior. If your reaction is to get mad, have a few crys and love him in your arms after he offers endless apologies, then you've set the threshold way too low.
If tempted, he may initiate this type of behavior, again. Why? Because he saw how easily you forgave him and there were no serious threats to the marriage. All he had to do was apologize and shed a tear. If he sees you react more serious, such as asking him to leave for a few days - he'll know EXACTLY where you stand and what is likely to happen in the future, should he repeat such actions.
Don't convince yourself that this isn't a serious marital infraction. It is. I don't care if there was no physical intimacy - he betrayed you and your marriage vows when he began this emotional affair.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not fair and it's not your fault. Be strong and hld yourself to a higher standard. Best Wishes.
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