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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend left me for another woman after telling me I was the love of his life. I had finally learned to trust him after another man I was engaged to cheated on me numerous times. I thought this last boyfriend was different and he was so good to me and then left just life that. Will I ever trust again? How do you get on with your life when you are this broken inside? Are there good men who don't cheat and hurt the people they love? Thanks.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hi, I can feel the agony of your problem. I think there is a book out there called "Why Men Cheat". See if you can find it. There are men who are just wired to cheat, I can think of one of our recent presidents, they get a thrill out of it, like they are conquers or something, it has nothing to do with love or sex. I sometimes don't even think they like women, these types. Then there are men who like variety, they like trying different types of grapes, just to see what they like better, then there are those who
are ego trippers, and they do just to stroke their own egos. Yet, and still there are those who women target, just to see it they can take them away from their partner, married, single, the women don't care and men who enjoy sex, moosey on over to their bed to have the fling, while yet protesting that they really love you. So many varieties of cheaters, so many tales. Somehow you as a protector of self, must learn to try to distinguish between these men and a man who wants to be true to one woman, who may be marriage material. How to do that, is hard to me. But it is ls a matter of trust, if you are able to build trust in your relationship, then you must then leave it, because you cannot have a relationship where, you are always looking to see what he is doing, where he is, etc. You must have trust, otherwise the relationship is not worth it. So the best you can do, with a man, is to take it slow, and try to learn his character, is he capable of mutual respect? Does he really care for women, is the sense that he is not just out to use them, for whatever purpose. This takes time, and to me, that's how it should be. I would also see if you can fine a good relationship counselor, and ask them how you can avoid choosing these people who cheat, there has to be some kind of pattern here that can be broken. Keep in touch, and learn to be your own best friend. Always remember, a cheat is a cheat, if he cheated on you, he'll cheat on the next one, even if he marries her. You, believe it or not are better off, without them. In addition, I would never want to be with someone who did not want to be with me, it is their loss. Take care of yourself, hope this was of some help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I agree with butterflykisses below. Yes, there are plenty of good men out there, and maybe you've just had bad luck, but I think this is the perfect time for you to re-evaluate yourself and how you deal with relationships. What are your views on men? On yourself? On relationships in general? Yes you may mean well, but there's also a strong likely hood that you might have some emotional issues that are allowing you to attract the wrong men/fall in love with them/stay with them and maybe not even realize it. Maybe you're doing something in the relationship that pushes the man to cheat? do you get too comfortable too easily, do you nag, do you not make yourself attractive and try to be better for your boyfriend as time goes on, making it easier for his eyes to wonder? This does not make it okay on his part by any means, but I was always taught (by my dad of all people) that unless the man is a complete pig, a woman should really take some responsibility for not making her man want to cheat. These are all things to think about and I seriously hope that you take this time to re-valuate yourself and your life and use this painful experience to become a better and stronger person rather than an embittered and victimized one.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (3 August 2008):
 I know it does not feel like it now because you have been failed yet again, but things will get better i can assure you. Time really is the healer of all pain, you have got to treat these past relationships as chapters that have happened in you life, now its time to turn over to a fresh page. A majority of us have all been in this situation, and its not nice, but you have got to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on with your life. There certainly are good men out there who don't cheat and hurt people they love, and there is one out there waiting for you. Get back out there, go out with friends, start an evening class, go to the gym, book a weekend away, the likellhood is we meet our potential partner's when we very least expect it.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (3 August 2008):
If this is the second time in your life, where the man you loved has cheated on you, then I think it's time to reevalute the way you deal with relationships. Similar to a spouse of an addict, there are certain codependent traits that enable the spouse to continue the abuse. Likewise, there may be behaviors that you exhibit that enable your boyfriends to cheat.
That is not to suggest that you deserve this treatment, or that these men are not inherently deceitful. When you combine their disloyal traits with a codependent personality, the results are what you describe. Become proactive and try to avoid the role of the victim, not because you don't deserve sympathy, but because becoming the victim will not empower you to a higher standard with men.
Good luck!!
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