A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I have been dating a guy for some time now. He's 38 and I am 20. I am also a teacher and I am ready to have a child. The problem is I have problems ovulating and my doctor puts me on fertility drugs - which I am taking now.He orders me to have sex regular for ten days after taking the last pill - so that would be around July.The big problem is my partner! We live in separate countries but that is no problem - at least to me. Now he's undecided and I am going through so much taking these pills as they make me feel sick but I am willing to take them if it will aid me in having a baby.What do I do if my partner decides not to get me pregnant? I mean the pills are not cheap! Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): just talk to him about the situation and both of you guys will come up a good solution. after all you and him has the equal resposiblity and accountablity on the baby. therefore, it's better to talk about open mindedly with your partner insteade with other people.
A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (3 March 2009):
If he is uncertain dont have one with him. Your doctor should have already told you that these pills often result in multiples. How much would it suck to end up pregnant with 6 and a father thats not even in this country. You are still young and its better to wait and meet a guy that is sure!
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 I know what it feels like to want to have a child - but I also believe that many people do it without fully thinking through the consequences. If your partner is 'hesitating' then getting pregnant now MAY have dire consequnces for your relationship - which in turn negatively effects any child you conceive. It may not end up being a problem - he might come around to the idea and fall in love with the little person who comes along...and that would be a happy ending for all....but I just think you should think carefully before you take such a risk.
You may think of yourself - you are an educated, financially independent, self assured woman by the sounds and YOU feel ready for a child - however, have you thought about what the different possible scenarios here would mean for your child?? You have to think about your child's life/future not just your own.
You are still very young - you have time - I personally don;t see why you would 'rush' this when all the elements are not quite right (I know there may never be a "perfect" time but if you think you and your partner will be in same country, marry etc soon-ish...maybe that is a "better" time/stage to be in when you bring a child into the world??). Surely you would feel less confused/stressed if you knew your partner was as "ready" as you??
Ultimatly these are the things you need to decide on - if you think you should wait a bit - go off these pills and try them again when the timing is right. Simple
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Tisha-1
I can afford the pills.but that does not say am to throw my money around like that-meaning taking the pills n then nothing.lol-wise money management
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hi, it is a bit confusing understanding your situation with your partner. He lives in another country. When you first began talking about having a child, what did he say? Was he on board with this, fully and with no reservations expressed at the time? Or was he ambivalent and said 'okay' but didn't really think you'd go through with it?
I think if you want him to be the father, you and he need to spend some time talking about this. If he's not willing to talk about it, I think that in essence is a decision that he does not want to father a child with you.
Are you planning to live in the same country? Would he be a father in the true sense of the word, hands on, changing diapers? Perhaps the distance between you has given him second thoughts. Does he have other children already? Perhaps he's come to the conclusion that he doesn't want any more.
So barring a sudden change of heart in your long-distance partner, your choices for having a baby boil down to acquiring semen from a reputable source, such as a qualified sperm bank. I would say that if you are planning to continue to try to conceive, you need to contact a sperm bank right away. My brief look at Turks and Caicos' health care options suggest that there will not be a sperm bank available to you there. In this case, you would need to travel to another country to find one, and there may be rules and regulations dealing with non-resident visitors. You would have to research this yourself with the help of your doctor.
Obviously, there is another possible tack to take, and that is trying to conceive with another man. Of course, you'd have to tell the potential daddy what your goal is, as tricking him into fatherhood would be a betrayal of the worst sort. I expect your partner would also need to be consulted in this case, or in the safer alternative of the sperm bank.
Other than your partner, another man or a sperm bank, I don't know what other options you have at this point in time.
One final thought, if you can't afford the pills, are you sure you can afford a baby? They're a lot more expensive.
So talk to your partner; that is your starting place.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Dear jessicarabbit:
Yes he knows about the medication-I dont have to hide anything from him.
We will eventually live in the same country as soon as we get married-the question is when?we dont know.Outside of wanting to get married I want a child-and its not like am he's getting younger anyway.
The bottomline is I have goals that I want to achieve.I am a qualified teacher-am doing my degree now and I want my baby next.
I have made so much preparation for that time-I even have a bank account for a baby!
I just think its time-besides he's 38.lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Maybe you could hold off on having a baby until you and your partner are together in the same country? That way, you don't need to race against the clock, or be pregnant with him away.
I didn't fully understand your question. Does your boyfriend know about the medication? If you are going to be together soon, maybe you should wait till then to start a cycle of pills again.
If you actually live in separate countries permanently, why would you want to have children with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): No am not trying to be a single parent-I would love for my partner to be apart of our lives.
But based on the medication I have to try and conceive july-am taking it for four months first.
My partner is being hesitant now that I have started the medication-and that makes me confused.
Hope this helps you understand better.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses +, writes (2 March 2009):
I'm confused. Are you trying to be a single parent? (I'm not asking in a snarky way, I really don't understand).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Thanks kllgunner.Thats something to think about.
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A
male
reader, kllgunner +, writes (2 March 2009):
 sperm bank thats all i can say or tell ur partner how u feel
-madly in love
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