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My guy is 15, so what if he's ready for something that I'm not ready for?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 May 2005) 8 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2005)
A , *il-haz writes:

This boy I went out with is 15 and I am 13, but I love him, and he wants to go back out with me. But I think it is serious and I don't know what to do. Now I'm afraid that he will dump me if I don't give him head, (blowjob) and he might find me boring if I ain't ready to do stuff. I am ready to give him head, but not straightaway.

Please give me some advice. Don't just say I'm too young or something please. I really need help..... Thank you xxxx and please reply to this as soon as possible xx

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A male reader, chazz007 +, writes (6 August 2005):

You should get rid of this guy as quickly as possible. Regardless of whether or not you're too young ('too young' is different for every person, and you don't want to hear that anyways), they guy is a sleaze if he would break up with you if you didn't give him head.

I'm a guy who didn't have sex or sexual relations until my 20s, and when I did it was with someone I truly loved and who truly loved me. And we both talked about what we were willing to do before any of it. If he loves and cares for you, he should be more concerned with you and your comfort levels than with getting off in your mouth. He always has his hands if worse comes to worse. And if he's willing to dump you because you don't give him head, then he obviously doesn't love you, and wants you only because he thinks he could get you to give him sexual favors.

Which means, essentially, that he thinks you're stupid; he wants the sex without the love, BUT he's willing to bet that you'll think he loves you and that you'll be obligated to do something for it. You're not. And if he really did love you, then he wouldn't make you feel obligated to do such a thing.

Ditch him, and fast. And there are plenty of nice guys your age who wouldn't dream of being as much of an ass as this guy is; believe me, I was one of those guys. Don't waste your time with him.

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A reader, curlygurly +, writes (1 June 2005):

Hello .. I'm 13 and I think about giving my bf a blowjob all the time but I know he's not ready and I'm not ready ..... If you ask me, I think your man is only with you for what you can give him and that's exactly what he is doing ...... I don't think you're too young; just remember dont' be presurised into anything .... I hope this helps xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2005):

Just be aware of the consequences after head and that if he dumps you if you dont give him head I'm sorry to hand it to you but he's not interested in you; he's interested in what you will do. Heartbreaking I know, especially if he's convinced you he loves you. Just be careful and if you go ahead with it have fun! Good luck and hope this answer helped! Don't slobber! =) happy to help =) xxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2005):

I think that you should tell him how you feel. If he really loves you he will understand and respect your feelings, besides the first time you do it, should be as magical for you as it is for him!

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A reader, lucy +, writes (25 May 2005):

Don't do anything unless you feel 100%ly ready for it, cos you'll end up regretting it. If you don't feel ready for it, tell him and if he dumps you for it then he is obviously a big sad loser who doesn't deserve someone like you. If he respects you, then he will respect your descision. If he doesn't respect your desicion then forget him, he's not worth it. xxx

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A reader, alison +, writes (25 May 2005):

If you don't want to do anything with this boy, then don't. If he threatens to dump you if you don't then he isn't worth it and you should definitely finish your relationship with him.

If he really loves you then he won't force you to do anything you dont want to do. Make sure you don't give off any messages that might tell him you want any sort of sexual intercourse with him. If you do what he wants he will probably dump you straight after it or tell all his mates and word could get around that you did it and that could cause people to call you names or taunt you.

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A reader, Wildberries +, writes (24 May 2005):

Do NOT perform sexual acts that you are not ready to do.

If thats all he's looking for, he will dump you the minute he gets what he wants, anyway. You can do better than this boy!!! Keep looking.

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (24 May 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntWhen I was 13 (and a half), I went out with a guy who was 16, and, honey, I can promise you that he was ready for things I wasn't ready for! Even though I'd never done it before, I guessed that I would be willing to give him a blowjob if he asked...

Does this story sound familiar?

It turns out that all he wanted me for was to have sex with, and because he was older and bigger and because he knew that I wanted to please him, he used his advantage to insist that we have sex, even though I said No repeatedly.

In the end, I was "date-raped". It wasn't fun at all. In fact, it hurt - I was lucky I didn't get pregnant - and after that, he acted like he didn't care about me. He only called when he thought we could have sex again. Not exactly the loving relationship I'd been hoping for!

I only tell you these details because I want you to know that I know what it's like. You might feel like you "love him", but it's more likely that you love the attention he gives you and the sexual thrill you get from him and the idea of going out with boys, generally. I would caution you not to let those feelings cloud your judgement. There's a reason that most girls of 13 don't date, and that reason is that they haven't learned yet to think about the long-term consequences of their actions... and that can lead to pain and hurt feelings and worse.

If thise guy would dump you because you won't give him some sort of sexual activity, then he's not interested in YOU as a person, is he? It's as if I were really rich and you only wanted to be friends with me because I might give you money, so you say to me "OK then; no money, no friends". That's not friendship; that's a business transaction! Same with your 15-year-old. If he wants sex (or what have you) in exchange for going out with you, then you're effectively "paying" him for the pleasure of your company, and that's madness.

Don't ever be manipulated by guys who threaten to dump you because you won't do something you don't want to. They're not interested in you and they're not treating you like they love you. Look out for yourself, be great fun and good company. If your guy's not satisfied with that, move ON!

Good luck.

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