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anonymous
writes: Hiya, I'm 17 years old and I'm having an affair with a married man of 39. He looks good. We are always having a laff. He's always there for me and we are great together. We're talking about making a proper go of things. I've never felt so good and as I didn't have a good childhood. People think that's why I'm with him; to feel safe and loved. What do I do? Shall I make a go of things with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): It could work, everything is possible. The age difference will show you somethings in his mind are back then... when you where not born yet and some music, and people, and ideas you have no clue of what he is talking about. Though, I you learn those "old" things and like them and get to be able to share the with him, that would be good...But wouldn't be easy. He is married, might have children... if he does, if he does, he will be attached to the for the rest of his life! Besides, if he promissed you he will leave his wife to be with you... first wait to see if it is true, that is unlikely to happen... but if it does... GOOD LUCK... everything is possible...
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reader, kiwi +, writes (31 May 2005):
Girl, you should be ashamed of yourself. That 39 year old man is so old he can be your daddy. And what if the wife finds out? Does he have kids? Then when the wife finds out and try to get you then you'll be saying "OH HE RAPED ME!!" BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT KIND OF STUFF DOES HAPPEN!!!
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (29 May 2005):
Can you make a go of it? Yeah. Will it work? No. Doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. You could have a fling, as you say, maybe seeing him now and then and having sex if it goes there. But it can't last. I hate guilt trips, but this is reality. You said you missed out on your childhood. Does this guy have kids with his wife? This will get back to his family somehow, call it karma or the threefold rule or cruel fate; I don't care. What if this leads to a divorce and deprives kids of their childhood? Even if there are no kids, what about his wife? Why would you want to be an accomplice in causing that much pain and damage? I don't mean to sound judgemental, but think of the consequences of what you would be a part of. You can have your fling, but realize it's just that... a fling. I wish you the best. I'm not trying to sound mean.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 May 2005):
 I can't tell you Yes-go-for-it or No-don't-be-ridiculous, because you and he are going to do what you want, anyway. Right?However, for the record, I was there in your shoes at age 16, with a boyfriend as old as yours is, and I can tell you with my hand on my heart, you'll end up disappointed.It all seems great, while he's still fairly young and you're not even an adult yet, but the thrill fades fast. In a year or so you'll be wanting to go out and party, meet friends, drink until dawn, take crazy hitchhiking holidays across Asia, and live on coke and chips... and your boyfriend will be worrying about his retirement investments, doubling up on the health insurance to pay for his laser eye surgery and wondering if it's too soon in the season to fertilise the lawn.A few years down the track, you might start thinking you want a baby... but your boyfriend will tell you there's no way on EARTH he'll be changing nappies at age 45.Later on, you'll just be hitting your stride in a career and you'll have a retiree sleeping next to you.In other words, you're worlds apart and you will never catch up to him. Recognise that your friends are right: you feel secure with him because he's a father figure that you need. Maybe he's a good friend. Fine. But that doesn't mean that you need to sleep with him.Before you think I'm letting you off the hook easy, aren't you in the least concerned that he's already married? Doesn't it bother either of you that he's cheating on his wife? How'd you like to be her, and facing replacement by a someone young enough to be her daughter...? Hey, guess what? Stick with him and I'm betting you'll find out, since he'll get bored with you and cheat with somebody else as soon as the ardour cools. In a few years, you'll be the "old" model.No, honey. Give this guy a wi-i-i-i-i-de berth. You don't realise it, but he's taking advantage of your naivete and innocence, just to give himself an ego boost in the middle of his mid-life crisis.
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