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writes: I have a new boyfriend called Bob. We both have children. He has a good job, but quite stressful! His ex girlfriends have been very nasty to him about him seeing his children. He hasn't even been invited to has daughter's 6th birthday because he has a new girlfriend. This, too is stressing him out. He says he loves me many times, but has now said he's finishing with me and needs time to think what it is he wants. He has went to his dad's for a few days and my friends have told me to just give him time without texting or emailing or even ringing. Shall I contact him to tell him I'm thinking of him or just let him have a few days to sort himself out? Thanks!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 May 2005):
 I agree with your friends. Although it might be hard to go without contacting him, it can't kill you, right?Give him his space. It's so important in good relationships to understand that not everyone wants to spend every minute of every day together. This is especially so since he's already said that he's finished with you and wants time to think. So let him be and let him think. And while he's gone, you can think, too. Do you necessarily want to be with someone whose response to ordinary stress is to run away from you?Hunting someone down and never letting them get away from you is a fast-track toward frustrated annoyance and will *never* get an ex-lover back. Make sure that Bob knows how to contact you if he wants to, and perhaps in a few weeks or months he'll have decided that you're the woman he wants. In the meantime, think a lot about his good and his bad points, too. Bob has just shown you a side of himself that you'll see a lot more of if you get back together. Is that something you can deal with? You have to decide. This is an opportunity for you to decide if you really want Bob in your life, or if this was one of those relationships that wasn't destined to be.Good luck.
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