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writes: I want to know if I should keep trying to revive the relationship between me and my partner. We have lived seperate for 6 yrs, but we see each other often. He says he loves me and I him. We don't have sex (he's impotent). This doesn't bother me. We have been married almost 26 yrs, together 32yrs. I can't get a striaght answer from him as to whether we should try again.Neither of us has had relationships with anyone else since our seperation. I am 60 yrs old and very lonely. I dont go out, can't afford to. He has a family: mum, dad sisters and brothers. I have none. All my family have passed on. Our children have grown and have lives of their own. I don't want to involve them. What should I do ?? Reply to this Question
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reader, alison +, writes (25 May 2005):
If you both truly love each other then maybe you should give it a try but before you do, think about whether it is loneliness telling you that you love him or if it is the real thing. Think about why you broke it off in the first place and use that as a guide to whether you should get back with him or not.You could also try meeting someone else, or maybe just invite your friends around for a chat and see if that helps.I hope this helps you.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 May 2005):
 I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so lonely. I would hope that getting back together with your partner would go some distance to easing that pain.However, before you try anything further, you should think long and hard about why you're separated now. You had a lot of time together, and so there must have been something pretty big to have driven you apart six years ago. Was it something you did? Something he did? Have you dealt with whatever it was and now feel ready to move on with your lives?You won't be successful and reviving your old relationship with him if you don't both face whatever the issue was that broke you up in the first place, so try to make that the first item you address. You have to both feel that it's resolved, so you can start over. If you're over it and he is too, then you can think seriously about getting back together.But the other side of the coin is that you HAVE been on your own for six years, which is long enough that you may have learned to like aspects of your solitude. You may have other friends, other hobbies, routines that you like now. Would the pleasure of having him back in your life counter the intrusion into your privacy? Only you can tell that. You also need to consider whether he has habits (smoking, drinking, porn, other women) that will affect your enjoyment of his company.It bothers me that he won't give you a "straight answer", but maybe he just doesn't feel up to discussing the whole relationship issue. Men often don't. Why not take some small steps and re-acquaint yourselves? Why not meet for a walk somewhere, or have a movie and coffee afterwards? By "dating" again, talking about things, you can get a feel for how he regards the idea of reuniting without having to drag him over the coals about it.If, in the end, you're reminded about why you're not together, don't despair! There are other men, you know. Going back to your partner is a well-trod path and an easy route. If it makes you happy, then go for it! But if it doesn't, don't be afraid to get to know other men, too. They're out there, I promise. They're at the supermarket, at church, on the golf course, in the library, online and everywhere else.Good luck, dear.
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