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anonymous
writes: A few months ago I was single and decided to give internet dating a try. I had dates with a couple of people, one of which I got on with well as a friend and I said I would see again. However, I then met a guy who I completely fell for, and I am now seeing. I emailed the people I'd had dates with to apologise for not seeing them again. They were all fine but for one, who immediately sent me an email stating that he was devastated and he didn't know if he could bear for us just to be friends. I ignored the mail, and a few days later he sent another saying that he still upset but he still considered me to be "his ideal woman". I wrote to him advising him that I had met someone else and that I was happy with this person. He called my phone a couple of times and I answered, telling him that I wasn't prepared to talk at that time.He continued to send emails detailing how much he loved me, how meeting me had destroyed his life and how right we were for each other. I continued to ignore him.Eventually, last week he sent an email saying he'd met someone else and that my behaviour towards him had been unforgivable. He also said that he wouldn't be in touch again. However, a few days later he has just texted me to ask if he may ring me. Should I continue to ignore him, or should I tell him to stop bothering me? I worry that if I give him a reaction it will only provoke him further. What is the best way to deal with this situation?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 May 2005):
 Definitely continue to ignore him. This guy sounds like a scary-stalker type and it appears that he's convinced himself that you two were a couple and that he's been wronged by you.Take a lot of extra care with your communications from now on. In fact, in your shoes, I'd be changing my phone number and email address. If this guy has any sort of nous, or even a mate who's in the security business, he could track you down from your phone number and show up one day on your doorstep. Eek.I'm sorry to play the "worst-case scenario" card, but it's too easy to dismiss loonies as harmless and end up in scary situations, so it's best to play things really, really safe when it looks like someone won't take No for an answer.You've done the right thing by ignoring him so far, but don't let your guard down, because this type of person lives on little shreds of hope. Any response from you just confirms in his mind that you still "love" him.Print out all his emails and save them all to disk, just in case you need evidence of being harrassed and don't be afraid to go to the police if he won't leave you alone.Hopefully, he'll give up trying to get a response out of you and will disappear soon.
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